


The Rose Garden

by Pandora_sama



Category: Sailor Moon - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fantasy, Romance, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-14
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-05 06:46:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 50,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandora_sama/pseuds/Pandora_sama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: The Nightmare; Chapter 2: Bitter Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan

@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

 

Chapter 1: The Nightmare

======((========((@

He was in the grip of nightmare again. The same one, but tonight, so intense, he could almost  
smell the burning fumes of destruction and death in the air. He was back in the moon kingdom  
again. And Queen Beryl had won. Pain, searing pain, how can I bear this pain...and then  
numbness, a floating sensation. The pain, why did it stop? What does this mean? And  
suddenly, I can see HER-down there. She is crying, screaming, I hear the despair in her voice.

Her voice that I would know again, would listen for, in a room crowded with a thousand voices,  
all talking at once. As I have. Walking across those vast ballrooms in the moon kingdom, yet  
always, I was able to find her, unerringly. Just follow that voice. Like radar-no, telepathy,  
between us. When did it start? I don't know. Maybe the first time I looked into her eyes. And  
felt something change in me forever.

All these things I am remembering, as I am floating, weightless, feeling light-headed, semi-  
conscious. And all at once, my head clears. And I know why she looks like that, why she has  
sunk to her knees on the ground, as if her legs will not carry her anymore.

I am dead. That is what has happened, why I no longer feel pain. Oh, No, No, my Princess, my  
Serenity, don't do this. PLEASE! You, so young, so beautiful, so dear to me, you MUST go on  
living. You MUST.

But she cannot hear me. She hears only the voice of her own despair and grief. Oh God, she  
sounds so alone. And now I cannot hold her in my arms, I cannot even touch her. I can't bear it.  
I can't bear it. The pain I felt when Queen Beryl killed me, it was nothing to this. And if I could  
hold her, just for a moment, could I stop the tears? When she knows I am dead, that I can never  
come back, that things will never again be as they once were?

I feel a bump, and something cold and hard underneath me. In the darkness, I feel around me.  
I'm on the floor AGAIN. Always at this point in the nightmare, I seem to thrash around, without  
knowing it, as if I were fighting every enemy in the universe at once. Anything, anything to  
deaden this pain I feel. I hate everyone, and everything, because of what she is suffering, which  
I feel with all my soul. And that's when I fall out of bed, and the cold floor wakes me up,  
drenched in cold sweat.

So now I stumble back into bed, shaking out the tangled covers that I have twisted into knots.  
And get back under the blankets, shivering. But I know the nightmare will come back, just  
where it left off. It never ends, before I have experienced and re-lived all of it. Damn, why did  
I have to get ALL my memories back? I was happier without remembering THIS.

Chapter 2: Bitter Regrets

=======((======((@

Now another face I see in my dream, a face well-remembered and yes, I realize, a face I loved.  
Another figure, tall, slender, regal in every graceful movement, steps out to confront Queen  
Beryl. Her face, her voice, too, I would know anywhere. She is well-named, Serenity.

You, a Queen in demeanour as well as in reality, you who were the first to accept me, when no  
one else would, as a suitor for your daughter. It didn't bother you that I was a Prince of the  
Earth, and not from the moon kingdom. You looked at me with those compassionate, wise eyes  
and saw all the qualifications you hoped to see in me. For you saw that I loved your daughter.

And from that day, you welcomed me, treated me as your own son. And then it didn't matter to  
me, all the hostile mutterings I would hear, just out of earshot, when I would walk by. That the  
moon princess ought to marry one of her own kind, not me, an Earthling. For I saw you smile at  
me when I came to call for your daughter, and I knew everything would work out all right. How  
naive I was. How naive we all were.

And again, I snap out of my reverie. She is holding her Moon Wand aloft now, pointing it at  
Queen Beryl. And I see terrible purpose in her eyes. The Silver Crystal is flashing, beaming,  
throbbing with blinding white light. And with each pulse of the Silver Crystal, my heart seems  
to beat, too. How can this be? I am dead. My heart shouldn't be beating at all.

And a heart-rending scream pierces the night. "No, Mother, NO! Don't do this! Don't do  
this!" I look around, and Princess Serenity is floating too, her white dress shimmering in the  
celestial light of the Silver Crystal. She must have died too, but our souls are linked-and I can  
hear her heartfelt cry to her mother, Queen Serenity.

It is all too late. It is done. Queen Serenity is sinking back against a pillar, limp, dying. The  
moon kingdom is destroyed, but Queen Beryl and her allies are destroyed with it. I can smell it  
again, the awful smell of death and destruction. Where once there were rose gardens, filling the  
air with their heady scent, now there are ashes, nothing but ashes. And nothing remaining on  
this moon world to see. I shut my eyes for a moment, and try to imagine the roses again. But the  
smell of death is there, even when I close my eyes. Will I always remember that horrible smell?  
Will I never remember the smell of roses, of walking with Princess Serenity in the rose garden.  
Oh, please, take me back to THOSE memories. Don't make me re-live THIS one again.

She has done this for us, Princess Serenity, me, the other Princesses, Luna and Artemis, she has  
done this for all of us who loved each other and were loyal to the Moon Kingdom. No, Queen  
Serenity, no. You shouldn't have made this sacrifice. I don't deserve this. Your lovely  
daughter, Princess Serenity, named for you, SHE deserves this. The others, all her loyal friends,  
they deserve this. But Queen Serenity, LET ME DIE. I have failed her, she whom I love most  
in this universe. I have failed you too, you who had faith in me to love and protect your  
daughter. I have failed both of you. LET ME DIE.

@))~~~))~~~~

Oh God, if you can hear me, if I can just have a second chance. Just one more chance. Then I  
promise, you, O my Princess, I will be there for you. I won't fail you again. I will be there for  
you, I will fly to your side, from wherever I am, whenever you need me. I will know if you are  
afraid. Take strength from my strength, my Serenity. Please, please believe in yourself, as I've  
always believed in you.

My vision is dimming now. Is this the end at last? Is there no afterlife, then? Won't I be able  
even to watch over her, in the next world? Please God, O merciful God, allow me that privilege.  
I want that. With all my heart and mind and soul, I want that. If I can never touch her again, as  
I yearn to, let me at least serve her in this way.

Queen Serenity looks up at me, one last look. She is smiling, and there are tears in her eyes.  
The Silver Crystal is a pulsing light, allowing me to see her, though I am almost blind, and  
helplessly, my heart beats, beats, beats with the pulse of the Crystal. The choice has been taken  
away from me. I am to live again. Because Queen Serenity has chosen this. And in the middle  
of the white pulsing light, a vision fills my eyes. A red, red rose. The most beautiful rose I have  
ever seen, its scent drowning out the acrid smells of death and destruction. Its petals scatter into  
whorls of circling celestial light, and I too am swirling, swirling, swirling like the petals. Into  
nothingness.

@))~~~~))~~~

TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 3: Why Am I Here?  
=====================((==================((@

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am one of the old school fanfic writers from the late 1990's who specialized in telling Mamoru's memoirs from his POV, they are based both on the Sailor Moon manga and the anime. I try to stick to Naoko's original vision, so no alternate universe stuff in my fanfics. My old fans and new fans are still here, and I am fortunate enough that they still Favourite me and the stories every week.
> 
> A Virtual Goddess, still Setsuna of the Sailor Moon Net World, ageless and gorgeous, transported to this time line, hence the -sama. Please bow very low as you leave.


	2. Chapter 2: Bitter Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

Now another face I see in my dream, a face well-remembered and yes, I realize, a face I loved.  
Another figure, tall, slender, regal in every graceful movement, steps out to confront Queen  
Beryl. Her face, her voice, too, I would know anywhere. She is well-named, Serenity.

You, a Queen in demeanour as well as in reality, you who were the first to accept me, when no  
one else would, as a suitor for your daughter. It didn't bother you that I was a Prince of the  
Earth, and not from the moon kingdom. You looked at me with those compassionate, wise eyes  
and saw all the qualifications you hoped to see in me. For you saw that I loved your daughter.

And from that day, you welcomed me, treated me as your own son. And then it didn't matter to  
me, all the hostile mutterings I would hear, just out of earshot, when I would walk by. That the  
moon princess ought to marry one of her own kind, not me, an Earthling. For I saw you smile at  
me when I came to call for your daughter, and I knew everything would work out all right. How  
naive I was. How naive we all were.

And again, I snap out of my reverie. She is holding her Moon Wand aloft now, pointing it at  
Queen Beryl. And I see terrible purpose in her eyes. The Silver Crystal is flashing, beaming,  
throbbing with blinding white light. And with each pulse of the Silver Crystal, my heart seems  
to beat, too. How can this be? I am dead. My heart shouldn't be beating at all.

And a heart-rending scream pierces the night. "No, Mother, NO! Don't do this! Don't do  
this!" I look around, and Princess Serenity is floating too, her white dress shimmering in the  
celestial light of the Silver Crystal. She must have died too, but our souls are linked-and I can  
hear her heartfelt cry to her mother, Queen Serenity.

It is all too late. It is done. Queen Serenity is sinking back against a pillar, limp, dying. The  
moon kingdom is destroyed, but Queen Beryl and her allies are destroyed with it. I can smell it  
again, the awful smell of death and destruction. Where once there were rose gardens, filling the  
air with their heady scent, now there are ashes, nothing but ashes. And nothing remaining on  
this moon world to see. I shut my eyes for a moment, and try to imagine the roses again. But the  
smell of death is there, even when I close my eyes. Will I always remember that horrible smell?  
Will I never remember the smell of roses, of walking with Princess Serenity in the rose garden.  
Oh, please, take me back to THOSE memories. Don't make me re-live THIS one again.

She has done this for us, Princess Serenity, me, the other Princesses, Luna and Artemis, she has  
done this for all of us who loved each other and were loyal to the Moon Kingdom. No, Queen  
Serenity, no. You shouldn't have made this sacrifice. I don't deserve this. Your lovely  
daughter, Princess Serenity, named for you, SHE deserves this. The others, all her loyal friends,  
they deserve this. But Queen Serenity, LET ME DIE. I have failed her, she whom I love most  
in this universe. I have failed you too, you who had faith in me to love and protect your  
daughter. I have failed both of you. LET ME DIE.

~~~~~~~

Oh God, if you can hear me, if I can just have a second chance. Just one more chance. Then I  
promise, you, O my Princess, I will be there for you. I won't fail you again. I will be there for  
you, I will fly to your side, from wherever I am, whenever you need me. I will know if you are  
afraid. Take strength from my strength, my Serenity. Please, please believe in yourself, as I've  
always believed in you.

My vision is dimming now. Is this the end at last? Is there no afterlife, then? Won't I be able  
even to watch over her, in the next world? Please God, O merciful God, allow me that privilege.  
I want that. With all my heart and mind and soul, I want that. If I can never touch her again, as  
I yearn to, let me at least serve her in this way.

Queen Serenity looks up at me, one last look. She is smiling, and there are tears in her eyes.  
The Silver Crystal is a pulsing light, allowing me to see her, though I am almost blind, and  
helplessly, my heart beats, beats, beats with the pulse of the Crystal. The choice has been taken  
away from me. I am to live again. Because Queen Serenity has chosen this. And in the middle  
of the white pulsing light, a vision fills my eyes. A red, red rose. The most beautiful rose I have  
ever seen, its scent drowning out the acrid smells of death and destruction. Its petals scatter into  
whorls of circling celestial light, and I too am swirling, swirling, swirling like the petals. Into  
nothingness.

~~~~~~~


	3. Chapter 3: Why Am I Here?

@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

"What's in a name? that which we call a rose  
By any other name would smell as sweet"

\----------------------------------------Shakespeare: Romeo and Juliet

"Why did you save me, Queen Serenity? WHY? Why did you end your own life? Surely, you heard your daughter’s voice. She loves you. She is SO young. She needs her mother still, to love her, to guide her. I heard her heart break, when she knew she would never see you again. She is alone now. And though I love her, I don’t know if I can ever take your place."

@)~~~))~~~~

Mamoru stirred in his sleep then, and in a subconscious gesture, ran his fingers through his thick dark hair, matted with perspiration. But the emotions stirred by the dream were too powerful. So with a sigh, he slowly rose and went out onto the balcony. How often he had done this when he couldn’t sleep; gone out to breathe the cool night air, looking at the clear white moon, which somehow seemed to hold in it, all the secrets which eluded him. For hours, sometimes, he would stand there, arms on the balcony railing, staring up into the night sky. Or at times, tired and discouraged, with his head resting on his arms, his eyes unseeing, but he would be still standing, still thinking. Till finally, exhaustion took hold, and he would go back to bed, those inner questions still unanswered.

@)~~~))~~~~

That is the point at which I always wake up. With those thoughts. I just don’t know why I’m still here. It feels wrong. And I don’t feel right in this new skin...who am I, really? Chiba Mamoru, this name that means nothing to me? Or Prince Endymion, who died a long time ago? Or Tuxedo Kamen, what I have become, in answer to something that calls to me... a memory, a very distant memory, of a princess, and of a red, red rose. And that’s all it was, for so long. Until recently, when all my memories of that first life came crashing in on me.

And the second life...I can’t even remember its beginnings. The first memory is loneliness. Terrible, terrible loneliness. A small boy, looking at his own face in a hospital mirror, an oval blank, swathed in bandages. Parents dead, apparently. Accident, they say. Poor boy. All alone. They walk around me, and whisper. But no one will talk to me directly. Except to tell me what to do. Wear these clothes. Go here. Go there. Eat this. I am a problem. They all want me to go away, I can feel it.

And finally, I do. I walk out in the rain, umbrella in hand, in my pyjamas. Snitched the umbrella from one of the nurses. She didn’t even miss it ... or ME. Nobody missed, or cared about ME. But even then, I was good at slipping away without anyone noticing. Don’t even know why I went out there. But out there is another little guy, and his face is even sadder than mine. Why didn’t I run away then? No one wanted me. I really don’t know. I guess I’ve just never been the type of guy who runs away from anything.

So I bring him back with me. I have a little hospital room, it’s warm, and there is somewhere to sleep here. The little guy, Fiore, he is so cold and shivering. I just can’t leave him alone out there. And I’m not alone anymore. And those dumb nurses, they don’t even check on me very often, don’t even know someone else is sharing my room. I am observant, I know when they make their rounds. I know exactly when to hide Fiore. Until he’s gone.

And just before he has to leave, this little girl visits my room. She’s really tiny, and kind of sweet, with blonde hair in curls. The first time I saw her, I felt sort of strange. As if we’d met before. And having amnesia, I had no idea. Maybe we had met before, and I just couldn’t remember.

But this, I DO remember. She gave me a rose. A red rose. And said, "Congratulations!" And then said something about that she had become an older sister that day. I wasn’t paying much attention, then. I was feeling much too sorry for myself. All I heard, was her saying that I could use the rose as a goodbye gift for my friend, Fiore. My friend, who could not stay. I was going to be alone again, and it was eating me up inside.

She gave me the rose, and as our hands touched, there was a blinding flash of white light. And again, I had that feeling. That I had seen that white light somewhere before. And then, she was gone. I think her father called, and she went bouncing down the hall, the little curls bobbing up and down as she walked. And I found myself watching...her hair. Weird! She looks just like a little bunny, I thought. Bounce, bounce, bounce, just bubbling over with happiness. Wish I could feel like that.

The hospital corridor door closed with a bang, as they always do. Like prison, those heavy metal doors clanging shut, and you hear that hollow sound, the sound that tells you that no one is in that long echoing hallway. No one here but me, and the little rose. That I must bring to Fiore.


	4. Chapter 4: Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan  
> Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan

@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

Chapter 4: Alone

Funk & Wagnalls Standard Dictionary of Folklore, Mythology, and Legend (Funk & Wagnalls, 1972) includes the following information:

"Originally from Persia, the rose is said to have been brought to the West by Alexander. To the Arabs the rose was a masculine flower. It was anciently a symbol of joy, later of secrecy and silence, but is now usually associated with love."

@~~~>>~~~~

I take a deep breath. I could be alone like this a very long time. I have to learn to be strong, I have to learn to hide my feelings. I must learn self-control. Cry, and you cry alone. If no one cares about me, I will have to learn to take care of myself. No one will have to help Chiba Mamoru, this person I have become.

@~~~>>~~~~

After they released me from the hospital, it was much as I had expected. No one wanted to adopt a boy of unknown origins, with a prior head injury, who was filled with wary distrust after his alienating experiences in the hospital. I believed no one wanted me, and that, naturally, was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I gazed at every couple with suspicion, analyzing their hidden motives with all the cool unemotional assessment of a chess player, not of a boy not yet grown to adolescence. "He is strange," I’d hear them tell the orphanage administrators when they thought I wasn’t listening. "Yes, he is very intelligent, as you say, but the way he stares at us! He is so cold and unfriendly. A dangerous boy, that. WE don’t need to take on those kind of problems!"

Then they would send the counsellors in to "talk" to me. And I would stare them down. Give them polite answers when that would make them leave me alone, and brusque answers if that didn’t work. Finally, the counsellors would sigh and say, "Leave him alone. He seems to like working in the garden, doesn’t he? Really good with roses, you say? Well then, leave him be. He can’t get into much trouble there, now can he? And we’ll try again in a few months to get him a placement." And I would smile to myself. That’s what THEY think.

It was a solitary life, but I’d stopped realizing that there was any other way to live. I got very good at gardening, and started to do all the really tough outside work no one else wanted to do. And I played darts A LOT. "What a throw that kid has!" I’d hear the orphanage staff say. I probably could have won a championship, but that would have meant socializing. And I was quite happy to hit bull’s-eye after bull’s-eye, with a stray cat, named Phoebe, as my only audience. The orphanage staff may never have understood me, but Phoebe did. Purrfectly.. Funny, I could warm up just fine to cats, to small animals, even to plants. But not people.

But when I turned fifteen, things changed for me. That’s when Mrs. Suzuki became the new director of the orphanage.


	5. Chapter 5: The Lamp Post Acrobat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan

@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

Chapter 5: The Lamp Post Acrobat

According to J.E. Cirlot's A Dictionary of Symbols, the "single rose is, in essence, a symbol of completion, of consummate achievement and perfection. Hence, accruing to it are all those ideas associated with these qualities: the mystic Centre, the heart, the garden of Eros, the paradise of Dante, the Beloved, the emblem of Venus and so on."

@))~~~))~~~~

Now, the bridge will go here. The pond, with some koi (if Phoebe doesn’t eat them first, that is), here. And this looks like a good spot to place the path to the tea house. I will, of course, have the path lead to my new rose garden. I can get some stones of the perfect size and shape from the nearby river, to help set off my bonsai plantings, and there should be some good flat stepping stones there too. Let them TRY and stop me from wading in--as if I cared about currents! But where shall I place the cherry tree? This will be the focal point of the Tsukiyama (landscape garden). This deserves some thought. I need to see the entire layout of the land before I begin. Hmmm. An aerial view would be ideal, but how....

@))~~~))~~~~

"Mrs. Suzuki?"

"Yes?"

"Welcome. We’re so pleased you were able to come at such short notice, when our former director had to leave, due to ill health."

"Well, it was time,"she sighed, shoulders sinking a little. "Time to begin again."

"Begin what?" Karano, the young orphanage administrator looked puzzled.

"Oh, forgive me," she smiled weakly. "Thinking out loud."

Suddenly, she looked up, and stared. "Oh, my God! Get him down from there!"

"Get who down? Oh!" and Karano burst out laughing.

"Well, I don’t think it’s funny!" snapped Mrs. Suzuki. "WHAT is that young man doing walking on the garden wall? He could fall and get killed!"

"Oh, you mean Chiba Mamoru. Not to worry. He does this all the time. Feet like a cat, he has. He takes care of our gardens too. You should see the roses he has produced--and his bonsai collection!"

"Well, if THIS is all the care you take of a young man like that," she sputtered, her shoulders shaking, "I can see I’m needed here! You get him down from there RIGHT NOW!"

@))~~~))~~~~

When Suzuki-san arrived, at first I found her very annoying. She actually thought she could tell ME where I could go and what I could do. But by now, I had my response down to a science. I listened, I nodded, I promised not to do any more reckless things [as if I cared whether I lived or died!], and when her back was turned...Mamoru’s fun began. How high could I go? How far could I leap? Always, the challenge drew me, the danger enticed me, and if I died? Well, what did I have to live for, anyway?

@))~~~))~~~~

Mikata Suzuki looked out the window, and shook her head. "He’s at it AGAIN. And he thinks I don’t know. He’s given everyone else the slip. But not me, I have had a son and I remember." And then she gripped the desk edge--hard. If you looked very closely, you could see she was struggling with some strong emotion. Her shoulders were shuddering. And then it stopped. She had mastered herself. And then she squared her shoulders. And marched out into the front yard.

"And just WHAT do you think you’re doing NOW, Mamoru-kun?"

He looked up then from what he was doing, a reed-thin figure perched on top of the lamp post, his hands busily unscrewing the glass lamp cover. "I’m fixing it for you," he called down, calmly.

"And I seem to remember we have discussed this, that we were going to wait for the electrician to come do this? With the proper equipment? You DO remember this discussion, Mamoru-kun?"

"Yes," he replied, with the slightest trace of impatience in his voice. And went on working.

They made a strange pair, the woman, yelling up at this very stubborn and determined young man, still way too thin to be considered full-grown, balancing now with a hand, now with a foot, thirty feet above the ground--and scarcely anything for him to hold onto.

Suddenly, she seemed to come to a decision. "All right then. But I expect you to come in and see me when you are finished. We will have tea if you like."

@))~~~))~~~~

So then it became a ritual. Every day I would have tea with Suzuki-san. The only orphanage resident so honoured. Then again, I was by now, shall we say, the orphan with the most seniority? There was hardly anyone left on staff who remembered when I first came through the doors, still full of hostility and scared. Yes, I had outlasted them all, the psychologists, the social workers. And the wall I’d built around myself and my feelings, a perfect impenetrable wall. No one, I prided myself on believing, could tell what I was REALLY thinking.

But bit by bit, that Suzuki was worming things out of me. She would make small talk, I would relax, enjoying the tea ritual, and oh-oh--that witch was probing me! And worse and worse, I started to confide in her, tell her things I thought wouldn’t reveal too much. But she was too damn good at putting the pieces together. WITCH.

@))~~~))~~~~

"So when did these nightmares start?" Suzuki, the witch, was doing her sneaky probing again.

"About a month ago. There’s something I have to find. I can’t describe it for you, but it’s something rare, something precious, something with enormous power. Am I making any sense?" Mamoru asked.

"Sounds like something important to you, that much I see clearly." and she nodded.

"There is in my dream, someone who asks me to find this thing. But I have never met this person. So why should I feel I’ve got to find this thing? For someone I’ve never met?"

"And how do you know you’ve never met, Mamoru-kun? I understand you’ve never got back your early childhood memories. Perhaps they’re beginning to surface at last. Stop fighting them--and me!"

"And what makes you think I care WHAT you think?" Ocean-blue eyes suddenly blazed at Mrs. Suzuki with fierce intensity.

"Because otherwise, you wouldn’t have told me--or asked for my opinion. Oh, and by the way, if you ARE asking me, I think you should go ahead and try to find this thing for her."

"And how do you know it’s a HER?" Mamoru glared at her suspiciously.

"Not only that it’s a HER," Mikata Suzuki replied quietly. "I also know you are in love with her, with this someone you have never met. She is beautiful, isn’t she?"

"And how the hell do you know that?" And he was on his feet, angry, defensive.

"Simple, Mamoru-kun. I had a son, just about your age. He died last year, of leukemia. He dreamed about a special girl for him too. But it was never to be. And I, his mother, grieve for him, that he died without ever knowing love, as I knew love. My husband is also deceased, many years now, but still I remember him. But there is one thing you should know, Mamoru-kun. My son would never have spoken to me as you have just done. And please do not use that tone to me ever again. No matter how much this dream girl means to you. I feel your pain. But do not let your pain blind you to living your life as you should. And now I must leave you."

And so saying, Mikata Suzuki left the room. Leaving Mamoru shaking with a mixture of fear and rage. Fear that she had discovered this, his deepest secret, when he meant only to hint at what was troubling him. Rage that she knew about HER, His Princess, in her dress of shimmering white, that no one, that no one, must know about. He must find her, and protect her. This only, he knew, without understanding.

That night, he dreamed again. A new dream, this time. A vision of a rose of deepest scarlet like warm blood. It seemed to melt, then shattered into brittle shards like broken glass, flying everywhere. He woke, trembling, and saw the bright moonlight blazing from his window. "I am the rose," he said softly to the moon. "And it is me that is broken, shattered. And will not mend again."

@))~~~))~~~~

At breakfast the next morning, he could hardly eat a thing. He could still see the vision of the rose in his dream, bleeding, shattering, and it frightened him. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and met the grave brown eyes of Mikata Suzuki. "Kuroko says you haven’t eaten anything at all this morning. What’s wrong?" Oh, Kuroko said something, it figures, he sighed to himself, pushing his hand through the thick, dark hair in a gesture of embarrassment. Kuroko was their kitchen help, a young girl of fourteen, who helped her mother, the cook, at the orphanage during the summer. Girls! Girls! Ever since he turned fifteen, they were always trying to talk to him, with their bright empty chatter, trying to touch his arm. Why wouldn’t they leave him alone? Kuroko was another one.

"If I want something to eat," he blazed, "I can cook for myself! I don't need Kuroko or anyone else to make something for me!"

"Yes, indeed you can!" and Mikata Suzuki smiled. "And clean, too. Your room is always immaculate. You give the maids nothing to do. Which annoys them. They have no excuse to hang around your room. Do you have any idea how much your presence disturbs all the young women around here? It's all I can do, just to keep them concentrating on their jobs. And not to mention, our gardens are a local showplace, thanks to you. And nothing is in need of repair, that you can't fix. I don't know how we're going to manage without you!"

"Don't be so hard on Kuroko, for telling me," Mrs. Suzuki continued, breaking in on his thoughts without even trying. "She cares about you. As I do. And one day, my selfish young man, you will be grateful for such attentions instead of resentful. When SHE starts to fuss over you, is this how you will behave?"

The deep blue eyes focused on her, indignantly. "You are not to speak of HER! If SHE were here, there is NOTHING I would not do for her, NOTHING! How can you say, how can you even THINK, I would hurt her like that?"

"O, Mamoru-kun, you are SO naive. Has no one ever told you, that you always hurt the one you love, even without meaning to? And how do you know you will know her, when you find her?"

"I would know her ANYWHERE, ANYWHERE! I would know her in a crowd of a thousand people! I can feel her, even now--her soul is tied to mine, with an invisible string." And having realized he had said far too much, Mamoru reddened suddenly, and buried his face in his hands.

"It's all right," Mikata Suzuki spoke softly. "I have not shared your secret with anyone. And I will not, ever. I am pleased you were able to tell me."

He looked up then, struck to the heart. "I am ashamed of myself. I am ashamed of the way I have treated you. I meant to tell you, but then you started talking about HER, and that set me off. I can never think straight, when I think of HER. You have always been so kind to me. And I have repaid your kindness by brushing you away. And you, you have recently lost your son. And you told no one of your sadness. Why did you tell ME?"

"Because," Mikata Suzuki's voice had dropped to a whisper, so the other staff could not overhear. "You remind me so of that son I have lost, Mamoru-kun. I have enjoyed our many discussions. You are bright, and enthusiastic. And talented."

"And I do nothing that you ask," he answered, contrite. "I take risks, I do things that even I know are dangerous. If I am like your son, I have not been a very obedient one."

"No, you haven't," and her eyes twinkled. "When I saw you walking along the wall, hanging off the top of the lamp post, my heart was in my mouth, worrying about you. And somehow, I suspect I will not be the last one to worry about you, and the chances you take. SHE will worry about you. But after a while, I realized you knew what you were doing. That's why I left you to fix the broken street lamp. Trust goes both ways, Mamoru-kun. I can't ask you to trust me, if I will not trust in you. Oh, and by the way, I have enjoyed watching you, even when I was afraid for you. You are a foolhardy, stubborn young man. But brave, very brave. And though you have taken risks, you have always done things for a good reason. There is much goodness in you. When I see the rose garden, and the traditional garden you put together, with the little bridge, and the bonsai you have tended all these years, I can see there, you have much love to give. Those plants, they cannot flourish without patient, loving care. Love that you have given them. Even that scrawny little stray cat, Phoebe, you took in. She is plump and sleek now, and trusting. You would never know she had not been always here. I am told she scratched everyone when you first took her in. Not now. You have worked wonders with her too."

 

She looked at him fully then, as if willing him to remember her words."SHE will be very lucky to have you, when you find her. I shall miss you this fall."

"You'll miss me?" he exclaimed. "Where am I going?"

"It has all been arranged. I have obtained for you a scholarship, to a school more worthy of your intellect. You think I don't know how bored you are here, at our local school? And it's when you are bored, Mamoru-kun, that you get into mischief!" Her eyes laughed at him again.

"I'm not going ANYWHERE." Ocean-blue eyes fixed her with a steely gaze.

"Oh yes, you are, Mamoru-kun. You have learned all you can, here in this place. It's time for you to move on, go on to the next stage in your life. You need something new to challenge you. Once you find a subject that truly interests you, I'm sure you'll spend most of your spare hours studying to improve yourself, instead of spending all your time climbing walls, and lamp posts, and roofs!" Damn witch, he thought, but this time, he was calling her "witch" affectionately. She always knows what I'm up to.

"And besides," Mikata Suzuki said, insistently. "SHE isn't here, Mamoru-kun. She is somewhere out there, waiting for you. And somehow, I think she wants to find YOU, even more desperately than you want to find HER. If that were possible!" And she laughed again.

"You WILL find her, Mamoru-kun. Once you get out into the world. Of that, I'm convinced. Oh, you'll find your Princess. But I'm overdue for a staff meeting. I must go now!"

"Wait!" Mamoru yelled. "Wait! WHAT did you just call her? My Princess?"

But Mikata Suzuki had already gone. He shook his head, and smiled ruefully. Damn witch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character names: Pandora-sama HATES introducing new characters who proceed to take over the plot from those characters we know, and love. But I NEEDED Mrs. Suzuki to help Mamoru break free of his solitude, and in time, become that very special caring young man we know him to be. Mrs. Suzuki is named for one of my personal heroes, David Suzuki, Canadian environmentalist.
> 
> The other Japanese names are kind of in-jokes, in the tradition of Sailor Moon names, courtesy of my friend, the Evil Professor Chronos (director-sama of the fandub project).
> 
> Mrs. Suzuki's first name, Mikata, means "friend."  
> Karano: vacuum (for a vacuous character!)  
> Phoebe, the cat: another name for Diana,Goddess of the Hunt, and progeny of Artemis & Luna [But our Phoebe doesn't talk. The young Mamoru hasn't developed ALL his powers yet, I figure ;-) ]  
> Kuroko: two meanings-"stage prop", and "trouble"--my friend Mark has a cruel sense of humour, doesn't he! Poor besotted Kuroko, the kitchen help, with unrequited love for young Mamoru--she's nothing but a stage prop, causing trouble!
> 
> JAPANESE GARDENS--A WEIRD COINCIDENCE!
> 
> I began writing this fanfic on August 2, 1997, and shipped the first chapters to the Net at 00:39 AM EDT--yes, just after Mamoru's birthday, August 3rd, had started! Didn't I give him a nice birthday present?
> 
> I was so busy writing, I never read the Sunday newspaper as I usually do. I had already made up my mind that Mamoru must be good at constructing Japanese gardens, as well as growing roses (why wouldn't he be, given what we know of his character?)
> 
> Just as I started Chapter 6, a week later, I found an article in the Sunday Toronto Star, entitled, "A Japanese Garden", about how to make your own Japanese Garden. I HAVE to tell you about this article, it's SO funny!
> 
> Some quotes:"You sit, tranquil, in the midst of a wooded glade....You feel a deep sense of peace--of beauty and serenity--a oneness with nature." [OH NO! I giggle. Not "serenity!!" This is too much! The Princess must have written this one!]
> 
> Then it goes on to say,"There are some excellent books on Japanese gardens. My favourite is "A Japanese Touch For Your Garden", distributed by Kodansha International USA through Harper & Row." [Distributed by...Kodansha??? Pandora says, not the same Kodansha who publish the Sailor Moon mangas!! Nah, it couldn't be!! But of course, it could!!]
> 
> All I can say is, Kodansha is probably pleased I wrote this fanfic...maybe people will be inspired to go out and buy their gardening book! No, this is NOT a plug--I haven't read this book [I'm afraid that I will be too disappointed if I don't see the author's name is Chiba Mamoru!].
> 
> And the weirdest coincidence? This big two-page article with photos, on Japanese gardens was published on Sunday, August 3, 1997--Happy Happy Birthday, Mamo-chan!!
> 
> /(^_-)\ @))~~~))~~~~


	6. Chapter 6: The Next Stage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan

@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

Chapter 6: The Next Stage

Chunagon Kanesuke  
Mika no Hara  
Wakite nagaruru  
Izumi-gawa  
Itsu mi kitote ka  
Koishi karuran  
Fujiwara no Kanesuke

[HAIKU TRANSLATION:]

Over Mika's plain,  
Gushing forth and flowing free,  
Is Izumi's stream.  
I do not know if we have met:  
Why, then, do I long for her?

@~~~>>~~~~

The barriers Mamoru had put around himself were crumbling at last. Now he spoke to Suzuki-san freely, without reserve, without worrying what she was doing with this knowledge. She's right, he thought. Sometime, somehow, I have to start trusting SOMEONE. Or when I find HER, perhaps I will do the wrong thing. Perhaps I will hurt her, instead of loving her, protecting her, as I want to do. I don't even know how to trust. And how can there be love, without trust? That much, I do know.

So he told her all about the dream. the dream which had frightened and haunted him. And asked for her advice.

"You say this rose was like warm blood. And then it shattered? And that you think somehow the rose is you?" Mamoru nodded.

"Well, I see several things here. A dream works on several levels, Mamoru-kun. Perhaps indeed, you feel you are broken, and cannot be mended. I think that represents your inner fears, your fears of failure. But Mamoru-kun, *I* think you can be mended. I think you are already mending, becoming whole inside. At least, you have started that process. And when you meet HER, I think her love will help you heal inside, even more."

He reddened, then. "Can you please stop talking about HER? It embarrasses me. I don't talk about my dreams to anyone, but you. And you take advantage of that knowledge. Why do you tease me? Maybe she isn't real."

"YOU don't think that. And nor do I. Something else. The dream is about death. Yours, I think. As if you have experienced death, at least in this dream. And also, the shattering represents the breaking of walls. Perhaps these are the walls you have put around expressing your feelings, your love, your trust, Mamoru-kun. And indeed, they are shattering now. And that frightens you, doesn't it? It IS very frightening, when you open yourself up to others, isn't it? But believe me, it is worth it. Or so I have found."

"These walls you have built around yourself, they are made of anger and hurt. You unleashed your anger on me yesterday. And it is a powerful force in you. Your anger can be a force of good, or a force of evil. Which will it be for you? Only you can make that decision, Mamoru-kun. When you learn to control, to focus all your anger, all your love, together, then you will realize the full power which lies inside you, not yet awakened. There IS a special power inside you. I have sensed it. But only time will teach you to use it, to unleash it for the purpose it was given to you."

Ocean-blue eyes blinked at her. "Purpose? For what purpose? And what is this power you speak of, the power you think I have?"

She looked at him thoughtfully. "I don't really know. I just sense things about you. I also sense that only when you look for HER in earnest will you find the powers which lie within you. SHE is the key, as much as the object you seek is the other key."

"And I'll tell you something else. In reality, it was not ME you were angry at the other day. It is yourself you were angry at. Which is why I have forgiven you. Deep inside you, there is guilt, blame. You blame yourself for something you have done, long, long ago, or perhaps something you haven't done. And you are afraid you will fail again. And it frightens you. You are afraid you are not up to this enormous quest you have set yourself to accomplish."

"Your desperate wish to not fail this time, is what will drive you to succeed this time. But it will also give you no peace. In time, I hope you will find that peace, that you will let go of blaming yourself. We are only human, we all make mistakes. And I know you by this time, Mamoru-kun. Whatever you did, or didn't do, I know you did your very best. And someday, SHE will know it too. And it is in HER, the love I hope you find with her, that at last, you may find peace."

@~~~>>~~~~

That was the last time I really talked to Suzuki-san. The next few weeks were busy with plans for starting at my new school. August 3rd, my 16th birthday, it seemed like all the staff turned out. Even ones who hadn't worked at the orphanage for years. It was more like a goodbye, a send-off party than a birthday party. And I was truly surprised how many people turned out, how many well-wishers there were. And all the going-away gifts I got, I couldn't believe it! And all those GIRLS! Hanging on my arm, wanting to dance with me, fighting over me.

People are kind enough now to say I'm charming. Well, I haven't always been that way. I had to learn to be charming, in sheer self-defense (oh, how arrogant and conceited that sounds--forgive me!). It was either learn to be charming, or there would be a LOT of girls with hurt feelings. And sometimes, I admit it, I have just avoided answering questions to which there is just no right answer. "So which of us do you think is the prettiest, Mamoru-kun? Which of us do you prefer?" NO, NO, NO!! I will NOT be trapped into answering questions like that! I will change the subject, run out of the room first. At least, until I can figure out a way to answer that kind of question, WITHOUT hurting feelings. And intelligent as they say I am, I haven't figured that one out yet. How do I get myself into these situations, anyway?

@~~~>>~~~~

Well, the party wasn’t quite as bad as I’d dreaded it to be. I may in time get used to all this attention from the female sector, I thought, as I walked back across the garden, alone. Right now, I find it all a little overwhelming. Wasn’t easy, ducking out of your own party, without anyone seeing you go. I walked up the steps to the tea house, deciding I would meditate for a while. Opened the door. And there she was, smiling. Mikata Suzuki. The tea all ready, the places set, and a stack of books sitting on the table.

"What are you, Mikata-chan? A demon? Or a witch? How did you know I’d find my way back here?" Yes, I had started calling her Mikata-chan. I was not a boy any more. And she was more like a friend to me than anyone I’d known in my life before. So, why not? She didn’t seem to mind. Not, mind you, that I called her anything but Suzuki-san when the staff were around. I wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, or think I was being disrespectful to the orphanage director. That would never do.

"Poor Mamoru-kun! Still not used to all that attention, are you? But it comes with the territory, I’m afraid. A young man can’t look the way you look, and not expect girls to be all over him. Just be nice to them, be polite. But when you meet...your Princess," her eyes twinkled, "I have something special here, to help you out." As usual, I felt myself blushing, when "she" was mentioned. But I couldn’t do anything about that reaction.

"Here, have some tea," Mikata Suzuki said, pushing it towards me. "I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ve been made uncomfortable enough tonight, without me adding to it. Not that there aren’t people around who would just love to have your problems!"

To give myself time to regain my composure, I picked up one of the books stacked next to my tea saucer. And read the title. "Sonnets From The Portuguese" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

"The book is an antique, and quite valuable," she told me. "Elizabeth Barrett Barrett (that was her maiden name) was a 19th Century English poet and novelist. But although she was famous, she had spent her life as a lonely invalid, never meeting any of the people who read her books."

"And then, when she was aged 38, a young poet, unknown to the public, started writing letters to her. He was Robert Browning, just turned 32, and it seems he had fallen in love with her through her poetry. He sent letter after letter to her, begging her to meet him. She was terrified that when he met her, he would be disappointed, and put him off. But finally they did meet, and despite the age difference, they married, and produced a son, also named Robert. Robert took Elizabeth to live in Italy right after the wedding, to help her regain her health in the warmer climate."

"And that’s when Elizabeth decided to share the love poetry she had written to Robert. She was much too shy to show it to him at first, but finally she got the courage. He was so moved by it, he told her that she simply had to get all this poetry published, that it was the best thing she had ever done. But Elizabeth would have none of it. She didn’t want everyone knowing her most private feelings about the man she loved. But then Robert came up with a great idea. He told her they could pretend that the ideas in the poems weren’t originally hers, that she had merely translated someone else’s poetry. So he tried to pick a language he thought that English readers wouldn’t be familiar with. And that’s why the title of her love poetry collection is called, "Sonnets From The Portuguese.""

@~~~>>~~~~

Fascinated by this story, Mamoru picked up the book. It immediately fell open at a certain page, and he began reading aloud, "How do I love thee...Let me count the ways..." He didn’t blush this time. But he did look up at Mikata, and smiling, said, "I think I’ll read this one later, if you don’t mind. So, what’s this next one?"

"Something every young man with romantic inclinations should have. A book of haiku poetry. You find yourself tongue-tied sometimes, don’t you, Mamoru-kun? A loner like you isn’t going to find it easy to express his feelings in words. These books, I hope, will help you bring out what is inside you. They will, if nothing else, give you some ideas. You’ll probably sound a little over the top for a while, but I doubt any of the girls in your life will notice. These days, a young man who can quote poetry, or who knows how to sound a bit like a poet, is a rarity. Trust me, they’ll hang on your every word!"

"I’ll keep that in mind," he replied, in mock-seriousness. [Well, if the books work, who am I to knock it?]

"What’s this last one called, I can’t even pronounce it?"

"I saved the best one for last. It’s called "The Rubbiyat Of Omar Khayyam", and it’s a very famous book of Persian poetry." The book flipped open to the flyleaf, and Mamoru read the dedication, "To my Moonlight Knight," and looked at her questioningly. "Why do you call me that?"

"Because, Mamoru-kun, I know how often you can’t sleep, and you go out into the garden at night. I can’t sleep a lot of nights too, and I can see you from my window, in the moonlight. And you *are* my Knight. You always look after everything here at the orphanage that I can’t. You help sometimes without even telling me about it. You just do it. You’re very responsible, way beyond your years. So I just thought, if you can’t sleep anyway, you might as well be reading something. That’s what helps me when I can’t sleep. And since I know what, or should I say, whom, your thoughts are usually focused on, I think you may as well read this book. And when you finally meet her, it may help you find the words in your heart to say to her."

Mamoru shook his head in wonder. "Mikata Suzuki, you are absolutely....incorrigible."

There was a sly smile on her face he had never seen before. "Why, thank you!" "Now, off with you--it’s late!! Oh, and many happy returns, Mamoru-kun! Your birthday ends in..." She looked at her watch, "twenty minutes! And I have to make my rounds, and shut off all the lights. So, enjoy! The world awaits you, my boy. I wish I were you, going off to a new school, and discovering who I am, and what I want in life. I’ve already discovered that now. But unfortunately, it’s gone." Her hand trembled just a bit, on the railing going down the steps of the tea house. And Mamoru knew better than to say anything. But he knew what she was feeling, all the same.


	7. Chapter 7: On The Threshold Of A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan

@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

Chapter 7: On The Threshold Of A Dream

Michiru looks at his reflection in the mirror. "The colour of your eyes is very noble. Perhaps you were a prince in a previous life." Mamoru's eyes widen. "How do you know that?" he asks. "This mirror reflects previous lives."

\--from Sailor Moon Manga, Volume 24

@))~~~))~~~~

I could not believe I was leaving the orphanage at last. I would be moving soon to Tokyo to attend Moto Azabu Private High School, where a scholarship had been procured for me, thanks to Mikata Suzuki. To my surprise, I discovered I would not have to live in residence with the other boarding students. It seems that the parents I just could not remember had not forgotten me; there was a small inheritance, apparently, enough for me to afford a pretty nice apartment. Mikata Suzuki and the previous administrators of the orphanage had invested my inheritance wisely over the years until it was--not huge, but comfortable.

In later years, I would discover, by budgeting carefully and with the help of numerous part-time jobs, that this inheritance was enough to get me the down payment on the car of my dreams, not to mention, a motorcycle. I know, I know, it's not like I needed them, but remember, I had up until then, owned very little of my own things.

Everything belonged to the orphanage, not even the clothes on my back were really mine, not even my garden that I tended all those years. Even the cat, Phoebe--she was the orphanage cat, and couldn't come with me. Now that was hard. But Mikata Suzuki solemnly promised me to look after Phoebe, and to let Phoebe join her for tea every day just the way I had. Crazy cat sometimes liked to lap cold green tea out of my saucer. Seemed to give her a buzz. Then she'd go out in my garden, and sniff everything growing there with evident ecstasy. Which is one more reason I really like cats. They really appreciate growing things, as I do.

The thought of growing things reminded me that I still needed to give some last minute instructions to Kuroko about the care of the bonsai, and how to mulch the roses in the fall and protect them against what was predicted to be a cold winter. You are probably surprised about Kuroko. I can only say, I noticed her following me around the garden, watching my every move, and it suddenly hit me, if she's going to hanging around anyway, why don't I teach her something besides how to steam rice?

So I started pointing things out to her around the garden, getting her to help me with little tasks, and then things that needed more skill. And I found to my surprise, that not only was Kuroko good with roses, she had the delicacy and skills needed to deal with bonsai. I left her my gardening books to help her learn more, and would you believe she made me sign my name in them, "From Mamoru to Kuroko," and the date? I really don't know why she asked me to do that. Well, if it made her happy, what the heck?

Anyway, I felt fairly confident the garden would be well looked after. Kuroko would have her head buried in those gardening books every time I came by, the week before I left. It just shows you should never underestimate anyone.

Mikata Suzuki allowed me one special privilege; I could go through her library and take any books with me that appealed to me. "You're getting your own place now, young Mamoru-kun. I don't want it looking like so many bachelor apartments I see, bare and unfinished, with no grace or atmosphere. So let's fill your bookcase, first of all. And we'll go over there together, a few times, and we'll plan out a total look for the place." Well, by this time, I'd gotten quite a taste for poetry, especially haikus, something I'm sure won't surprise you. So let's just say I added to my collection.

One thing I have to say about that; Mikata-chan never imposed her taste on my things. She gave me suggestions when I asked her for them, and kept quiet when she could see I'd made up my mind about a particular purchase. She did start chuckling, though, when she saw me buying all these flower vases. And when she saw me turn down lots of perfectly good apartments, up until I found one with a little conservatory, and a balcony, not far from a park, with a small botanical garden, all she said was, "It figures." And smirked.

She did ask me about the stereo, though. Why those particular speakers, the really expensive ones, and why do I need a graphic equalizer? I sighed, and explained again, for the fifth time, that my plants would only grow well with the right musical accompaniment, the right harmonics. I didn't bother trying to explain about the merits of having a graphic equalizer, and how you could adjust the settings for the room. Forgive me, but few women I've met understand about graphic equalizers.

[Incidentally, Usako is no exception. She just likes the flashing lights, she says, and she has thought a few times it would be fun to mess with the controls--and I've had to yell at her. She knows better than to play with it now. No, wait a minute, I take that back. Ami-chan knows all about graphic equalizers, and stereo equipment. But what doesn't Ami-chan know about? So when either of us thinks about upgrading our stereo equipment, we usually call the other. Usako is very envious; the discussion goes right over her head. But generally, she goes to fix the tea (the one thing she has mastered, surprisingly) with some of Makoto's homemade cookies, and leaves Ami-chan and I to our discussion, on the couch.]

Now how did I get talking about stereos? Oh yes, I was telling you about the apartment. It was planned that on the weekend, Karano would drive me over, with my few possessions, and I would wait for all that wonderful new furniture to be delivered, and be ready bright-and -early for class Monday.

Yes, I said, bright-and-early. *I* don't sleep late all the time, unlike a certain odango atama. Besides, it's best to garden in the early morning, before the midday sun makes garden work difficult, and that's what I'm used to. It's the best time for jogging too, if you want to be alone with your thoughts. I could see this would be a good neighbourhood for jogging in.

Well, I tried to be organized about things, but still, there was a last-minute dash for the car. All these people [all right, all right, it was mostly girls], wanted to take their last leave of me. So I went running out to the car, slammed the door, and Karano, getting fed up at all the wait, took off as if all the demons of hell were pursuing him.

Half way down the street, I slapped my hand to my forehead. "Oh, S---!"

"Now what?" Karano bawled. "Now what?" And he slammed on the brakes.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, and grabbed the door handle. And went running back down the street.

@))~~~))~~~~

Now, what has he forgotten? Thought Mikata Suzuki. My, he's really running. Then, to her utter shock, Mamoru stopped six inches from her, and enveloped her in a massive hug.

"I'm sorry, Mikata-chan! I never said goodbye to you properly! I don't know how I can ever thank you...for everything...but...but...I promise you...no girls, no lamp posts, no roof tops, no walls! I'm going to study SO hard, you'll never be sorry!"

Good grief, Mikata Suzuki thought. He would go and lose his reserve totally, now, right in front of all the staff. Oh, the looks those young women are giving me! This is going to be a rough week with the staff, I can see that. But he's finally expressing those bottled up emotions, and that's the good thing.

She freed herself gently, and looked at him with a smile, "Now please don't make any promises you can't keep, Mamoru-kun! If a certain girl turns up, all bets are off, am I right?"

Mimicking her voice, Mamoru replied, "And I seem to remember we have discussed this, and we agreed there were to be no more remarks about princesses? You DO remember this discussion?" But he was grinning, not disconcerted at all.

Mikata Suzuki wisely decided to ignore this disrespectful remark, [really, he's getting quite out of hand!] and went on:

"And as for the lamp posts...well, try not to frighten the teachers too much, do it away from school--or they'll send you right back to me. Or maybe," her eyes twinkled, "maybe you should do it in disguise!"

@))~~~))~~~~

It's just another evening at the Crown Game Centre. At the moment, this is my part-time job, to help defray some of my expenses, that just seem to keep increasing [SIGH]. And I don't want to touch that little nest egg my parents left me, unless I have to. It's coffee break time, and a friend at school has dropped by to see me. We chatted for a while, then she left me some reference books I had asked for, for a course I'm taking. Now my good friend Furuhata Motoki, is here, raising his eyebrows at me suggestively.

"Well!" Says Motoki, looking after the girl. "SHE'S a looker!" "Is she? I really hadn't noticed."

Motoki blinks at me a few times and widens his eyes. "Are you, like, blind, Mamoru? And maybe you haven't noticed her, but she's certainly noticed YOU! Are you going to throw away every opportunity that gets tossed into your lap?"

I sigh. How on earth am I going to explain myself to Motoki? That I still have dreams at night, about a princess, who's waiting for me. He's going to think I've totally lost it. I can't even believe I ever told Mikata-chan about that. Of course, she said she believes I'm going to meet my princess one day. But then again, Mikata-chan is a romantic, she admitted it herself. She believes in fairy tales, poetry, and love at first sight. And even after she lost her husband, lost her son, she still believes in these things, she still has hope. I wonder if I could be so strong. Or it that strength? Maybe it is weakness, just fooling yourself.

Me, I just don't know what I believe any more. I am nearly 17, never had a girlfriend. Not really. Lots of friends at school who are girls, that's all. Always, I hold myself back from getting involved. I focus on preparing myself for the day when I will meet...her. When maybe she's only a dream, and always will be. I am so discouraged now.

I am so tired. My life is so empty, I'm just going through the motions, dragging myself around, trying to lose myself in my schoolwork. Hey, Mamoru is getting such great marks, the other guys at school are envious. And all of it means nothing, nothing. Because I am so empty inside.

"Hey, Earth to Mamoru! Hello in there!" Motoki is waving his hand in front of my face, and I blink.

"Oh, sorry! You were saying?"

"I was saying, why don't you ask that girl out? What's wrong with her?"

"Nothing...nothing. But we're just friends. I help her studying with some of her courses, and in return, since she helps out at the school library, she makes sure I get first crack at the best reference books for the courses I'm taking. She keeps her eye out for whatever's relevant, saves me hours of searching, and she brings it right over to me here or at my apartment. She's great."

"And if she's so great,"Motoki says insistently, "why don't you ask her out?"

I manage a weak smile. "Motoki, I can't give you a really good answer. Except to say when the right girl comes along, I'll know. And when I find her..I'll never let her go."

Motoki stares at me a few moments, and then decides I'm sincere, and he's just not gonna budge me. He knows me...I am extremely stubborn. "Well, OK," he grins, "but if you have any other little friends you don't want to be bothered with, would you throw them my way? You ought to be reported to the environmental authorities, Mamoru...for monopolizing all the local available female natural resources and just discarding them. Next time you get a looker like that you're just friends with, you could at least introduce me. Then you'd be environmentally conscious at least. I'll be happy to take on all your recycled babes!"

I wince. I don't think of my friends like that. Just because I don't want to get involved that way doesn't mean....oh, he'll never understand. At least, Motoki didn't understand me, at that time. Later on, he met a girl, and then..his whole attitude changed. But to this day, Motoki is still an incorrigible flirt. But on this day, I wasn't in the mood for this. I stood up, and just said, without even noticing what I was saying any more, "Yeah, sure." And I got up and went to my post, staffing the counter.

@))~~~))~~~~

It wasn't long after that I got a better paying job as a cameraman, and I even modeled for a while. I had all kinds of different part time jobs. I finally had some things of my own, and I wanted to hang onto them. And don't forget, I'm a Leo, and people born under that sign of the Zodiac have a taste for the better things in life. And you know if you do have those champagne tastes [Usagi's word for it, not mine], you do need a good cash flow.

But you don't really want to know about all the jobs I had, do you? I know what you really want to ask me about. The tuxedo.

@))~~~))~~~~


	8. Chapter 8: Tuxedo Kamen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan

@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

Chapter 8: Tuxedo Kamen

 

From: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon episode 28:

"Usagi and Naru went to an art gallery. It had illustrations by an artist called Yumeno Yumemi. Usagi liked the illustrations. There were couples all over. Umino appeared. He said that it was said that if one has her illustrations, a dream would come true. Then Usagi said that she would buy one of the posters.

There was a self illustration of Yumemi. She was a very pretty girl. But Umino said that Yumemi never went out in public."

@))~~~))~~~~

It was a very dark night, late in October. I was having one of my bad nights, a night when I couldn’t sleep. I felt uneasy, as if my nightmares were trying to catch up to me again. So I was in some really dark back street of Tokyo, nothing there but the occasional sound of fallen leaves rustling in the breeze. As I passed around a dismal-looking alley, my eyes fell on a lighted window. I gasped, and stopped dead in my tracks. It was...her! Or at least, it was a painting of her. She was looking over her shoulder, wearing her shimmering white gown, her long golden ponytails swinging in the breeze, her sky-blue eyes looking at me wistfully, in a silent appeal, the way she always looked at me in my dreams. Find it for me, please. Find the. ..nijizuishou (rainbow crystals). Now the thing had acquired a name. But still I was no closer to finding the crystals, or her. But now I had seen her, not in a dream, but in a shop window. As an ornament for a shop selling...tailored formal wear. Tuxedos. Utterly absurd, and fantastic. Why was that painting there?

I think you may have guessed what happened next. The next morning, I was there, trying on tuxedos. And out of the corner of my eye, looking at her painting. I couldn’t stop looking at it. I noticed the painting was unsigned. The young salesclerk noticed me looking at it, and remarked, "That’s a really beautiful painting, isn’t it? I don’t know why she won’t sign her name to her stuff. She’s one of my friends, Yumeno Yumemi. I’ve told her, she could sell her stuff for lot of money. But she won’t listen. She says no one’s interested in an artist with a boring name like hers."

I gulped. And then somehow worked up the courage to ask about the painting. "Yes, I meant to ask you. Is that painting for sale?" But she wasn’t listening to me. She was studying me, and my reflection in the mirror. "Oh, wow!" she cried. Oh no, I groaned inwardly, she’s THAT type. The exuberant type. Oh well, it’s hard not to get caught up in such genuine enthusiasm. "Oh, wow!" she went again. "Do you know, honey, you are simply gorrrrgeous in a tuxedo? You were made to wear them. It would be a sin and a shame for me to sell this to anyone else. And I can put in a few tucks here and there and then it will fit you," and here her eyes traveled up and down, "...perfectly."

Well, now I was really uncomfortable. But I was determined. "About that painting..." "Oh, you want the painting? You really want this painting? Well, hey honey, I’ll throw in for nothing, with the tuxedo." I sighed. It seemed there was no other way. And then I got a look at myself in the mirror. Hey...not bad. Not bad at all. What was that Mikata Suzuki said about climbing lamp posts and things...in disguise? Hmmm. With something to hide my face a bit, maybe a hat or something to cover my hair...hey.... this outfit will look so wild and crazy, no one will ever associate it with oh-so-conservative Mamoru. This could be...fun.

"What’s this thing?" I asked, picking up a tall black hat, a little dusty, from the back shelf. "Oh that? That’s a top hat somebody left here from a costume party last year. You don’t want that old thing, do you?" I dusted it off. And replied, "Definitely," putting it on my head while checking in the mirror. "But it really needs something still." The girl was game, still, but she was beginning to eye me doubtfully. She really thinks I’m strange now. Good. Then she’ll stop looking at me as if she was measuring me for I-don’t-know-what.

Then, abruptly, she brightened. "Hey, this is like, for a masquerade party, right? I know the kind of thing you want," and she began spinning around the room, swooping around with a scarf trailing behind her. "You want a twirly, swirly black cape, don’t you? Lined in loud red, right?"

She was giggling so hard, she couldn’t stop. [ I can’t believe I’m standing here, listening to this....God, give me strength.]

"Listen, do you want the sale, or not?" I can be very cutting, when annoyed. "I’m sorry," she said, sobering suddenly. "Well, hey, if that’s what you want, I can whip something up for you very quickly. You want silk, I suppose? And oh, what the hell, if it’s for a masquerade, I could find you a mask as well." "So how much is all this going to cost me?" I interrupted. Let’s cut to the chase, here. "Well, honey, for you, since you look soooo gorrrgeous in that tuxedo..." [Oh, please, please, not that again!] "I won’t charge you for the other stuff. It’s only taking up room on the back shelves." And then she named a figure which was ... not bad. "And the painting, can I take it home with me?" "Oh, the painting! Oh, yeah, sure!" And she kind of thrust it at me.

I clutched my prize. Got it. Got it at last. And I only have to listen to Ms. Exuberance another five minutes at the most, at the cash register. So she rang up the sale, and then I asked, "So, aren’t you going to wrap it up?" "Wrap what up, honey?" [STOP calling me honey..but I didn’t say this aloud.] "The tuxedo!" Is she out to lunch, or what? "Oh, honey, I thought you understood. You have to come back for several fittings." "I do?" Well, what did I know? I had never bought a made-to-measure suit before, let alone a tuxedo. But several more fittings, with her? God, give me strength.

@))~~~))~~~~

Several weeks later, I am enduring yet another pin-tucking session in close quarters with Ms. Exuberance. For a guy like me who really, even now, still does not like people invading his personal space, this is a new version of hell. If I didn’t have a sort of unwilling fascination with the transformation that seemed to be going on in the mirror, I think I would have stopped coming back for fittings long ago. But this seamstress seems to have some vision in mind, and I have the strangest feeling that it isn’t the money that matters to her now, that it would break her heart if she didn’t get to finish this tuxedo for me.

So here’s Mamoru, resigned to be uncomfortable, because, all right, I’m a marshmallow. I admit it. I just hate hurting people’s feelings. And well, I can’t believe how this outfit makes me look, and feel. I feel like I could say, and do things wearing it, that otherwise, I might never find the courage to do. And of course, I remind myself, if I do get the urge to climb a lamp post or a roof top near the school district, it won’t be Mamoru who gets into trouble with the school officials. I can keep the scholarship, my reputation as a very serious, hard-working student, and the reckless, other side of me will remain...just a masked man in a tuxedo. Too flamboyant, surely, to be that quiet serious person, Mamoru...yes, the other side of me will just be thought of as a...Tuxedo Kamen.

@))~~~))~~~~

The tuxedo is nearly finished. This is the last fitting. Thank God. I am really happy with how everything looks on me, even the mask is just perfect, gives me no loss of sight in my peripheral vision, but it still covers my face, just enough. And Ms. Exuberance says she will keep my measurements [she has a funny way of saying the word "measurements", that makes me wish again that a male tailor had done this for me] in a special drawer on file, that all I have to do is place an order by phone, and she’ll make up a new tuxedo or whatever I need, double-quick.

"That is," she says, looking me up and down again, "unless your measurements change. If they do, you’ll come back to me for more fittings, won’t you? [Not likely.] You’re very active, aren’t you? Did you say you intended to climb things in this? This must be some wild masquerade party you’re going to! I wish I could be there!" [I don’t.]

"Oh, I almost forgot!" she exclaims, as she’s wrapping up the tuxedo and the other things, including a cane. [Wonder where she found that? She drives me crazy, but she seems to know exactly what I want, before I even know I want it. She is, very good at her job. So all right, I’ll try to stop wincing every time she calls me "Honey."] "I have something really special for you, Honey! A new painting by Yumeno Yumemi. Wait till you see it! When I told her about you [and who else have you told about me? The whole city is going to know who Tuxedo Kamen is, at this rate!], she made this new painting, and said I was to give it to you!"

She thrusts it in my face. And I am so angry that she has told this artist friend about me buying the tuxedo, I feel like throttling her. But then I see the painting, and I am...in shock. It’s like seeing your innermost fantasies depicted on canvas. It is the Princess in the arms of her Prince, there’s no doubt it’s the same girl as before. And the picture is very...very...well, it starts all sorts of thoughts going. I am not going to describe it any more than that. And what is most disturbing..the Prince in the picture...looks like me. I can’t describe my feelings, it’s as if the artist could read all my thoughts, even the ones I’ve shared with no one else, and never will. I feel myself going hot, then cold.

"Please wrap this up," I hear myself saying, in a tight voice that doesn’t sound like me at all. "Thank your friend very much for me...and ask her please, please, not to discuss this with anyone else. And I hope you won’t discuss our business, with anyone else?" I look her full in the eyes, a measuring look. If you betray me, don’t think I won’t find out, and you’ll be sorry.

She certainly wasn’t expecting that reaction from me, I can tell from her eyes. Suddenly this is not a joke, not just a masquerade party to her any more. "I’m...I’m sorry!" she says, "wasn’t I supposed to tell anyone? But Yumemi, she’s my special friend, we tell each other everything! That’s why she gave me her first paintings. But now she says she feels these ones belong with you. But she’ll never tell anyone else if I ask her not to. And I will. I’m sorry."

I am already out the door. I feel exposed, like I’ve got to get out of here. And back to my apartment, fast.

@))~~~))~~~~

The paintings found a home, in my bedroom. In my closet. And there, inside the closet, with candles on each side, in sconces [oh, and a couple of fresh roses, for effect] they are still mounted. And when I’m alone, and feeling discouraged, I open the closet, and light the candles, and go in there, and look at them. And I try to keep myself focused on her, wherever she is, out there, and on the Ginzuishou, if I can ever find them. I can feel that strange sense of contact between us, whenever I look at the paintings. When the time is right, she will summon me. I will hang on, just a little longer.

After the first few times I would spend time looking at the paintings, weird things would happen. When I would feel happy, or just yearning to see her at last, a rose would just appear in my hand, out of nowhere. So I would just stick it in a vase, in water [lucky I bought all those vases]. I kept watching them, after this began happening. But they seemed like just ordinary roses, in fact, a lot nicer than ordinary roses, very beautiful and fragrant. Mostly, they were red roses, but every now and then, when I was in a special mood, they would be white roses.

There was only one strange thing about these roses. While they lasted much longer than normal cut roses, if I became depressed or sad about something, the petals would start to drop. Just as if they were each of them, somehow still connected to me emotionally. After I realized this was happening, I began studiously avoiding looking at the vases when I was upset about something. Maybe if I don't look, if another person is visiting, they won't notice the roses reacting to me.

Hah! That didn't do a bit of good. The petals just dropped all the faster when I wasn't looking at them. The worse I felt, and the more I was trying to hide my feelings, or control them, the faster those flowers withered. I have turned into a guy who literally has...messy emotions. I understood none of what was happening to me, at the time.

And when I would feel angry about anything, or worried, afraid, a different kind of rose would appear. A long rose, with a steel stem, razor-sharp tip. And I would find my hand shaking, wanting to throw it at something. If I didn’t do anything with it, and my anger diminished, it would slowly disappear in my hand.

But if my anger continued, and I followed my impulse to throw, I would find that rose impaled in the strangest places. The steel-tipped roses once impaled in something, would also in time disappear--but not before doing some damage. After making a few holes in the wall I had to fill in, I realized it would be a good idea to buy a few dart boards...for *bad* moods.

I found the whole thing at first frightening. But I soon realized if I could learn to control and then focus my emotions, something I was fairly good at already, then I could decide consciously whether a rose was going to emerge, and what kind. But needless to say, that took a long, long time. And in the meantime, while I was teaching myself this, I kept even more to myself than before. Gradually, as I developed control, I began venturing on the streets, only at night, and only as "Tuxedo Kamen." That way, no one was likely to see me practicing my new skills with the steel-tipped roses, and on deserted back streets at night, no one was likely to get hurt.

As for good, happy thoughts...well, I didn’t see it was so essential to control those, given that it took really strong euphoric emotions for a "regular" rose to emerge. And if I surprised myself that way..well, I did what magicians do, if there wasn’t a vase to put it in...put it up my sleeve for the time being. Anyway, I soon developed absolute control over that, at least until I was safely at home, and it was OK to let myself feel whatever I was feeling.

 

After developing enough control for day-to-day situations, I also decided it would be a good idea to learn even more control of my reactions, especially physical reactions, and become more disciplined mentally, to the point I would never cause a steel-tipped rose to emerge without my conscious will, from uncontrolled anger or fear. That’s when I started taking karate lessons.

@))~~~))~~~~

It’s just another evening at the Crown Game Centre. This is my part-time job, to help defray some of my expenses, that just seem to keep increasing [SIGH]. And I don’t want to touch that little nest egg my parents left me, unless I have to. It’s coffee break time, and a friend at school* has dropped by to see me. We chatted for a while, then she left me some reference books I had asked for, for a course I’m taking. Now my good friend Furuhata Motoki, is here, raising his eyebrows at me suggestively.

[* See End Notes for more on this friend at Mamoru's school.]

"Well!" Says Motoki, looking after the girl. "SHE’S a looker!"

"Is she? I really hadn’t noticed."

Motoki blinks at me a few times and widens his eyes. "Are you, like, blind, Mamoru? And maybe you haven’t noticed her, but she’s certainly noticed YOU! Are you going to throw away every opportunity that gets tossed into your lap?"

I sigh. How on earth am I going to explain myself to Motoki? That I still have dreams at night, about a princess, who’s waiting for me. He’s going to think I’ve totally lost it. I can’t even believe I ever told Mikata Suzuki about that. Of course, she said she believes I’m going to meet my princess one day. But then again, Mikata-chan is a romantic, she admitted it herself. She believes in fairy tales, poetry, and love at first sight. And even after she lost her husband, lost her son, she still believes in these things, she still has hope. I wonder if I could be so strong. Or it that strength? Maybe it is weakness, just fooling yourself.

Me, I just don’t know what I believe any more. I am nearly 17, never had a girlfriend. Not really. Lots of friends at school who are girls, that’s all. Always, I hold myself back from getting involved. I focus on preparing myself for the day when I will meet...her. When maybe she’s only a dream, and always will be. I am so discouraged now. I am so tired. My life is so empty, I’m just going through the motions, dragging myself around, trying to lose myself in my schoolwork. Hey, Mamoru is getting such great marks, the other guys at school are envious. And all of it means nothing, nothing. Because I am so empty inside.

"Hey, Earth to Mamoru! Hello in there!" Motoki is waving his hand in front of my face, and I blink.

"Oh, sorry! You were saying?"

"I was saying, why don’t you ask that girl out? What’s wrong with her?"

"Nothing...nothing. But we’re just friends. I help her studying with some of her courses, and in return, since she helps out at the school library, she makes sure I get first crack at the best reference books for the courses I’m taking. She keeps her eye out for whatever’s relevant, saves me hours of searching, and she brings it right over to me here or at my apartment. She’s great."

"And if she’s so great,"Motoki says insistently, "why don’t you ask her out?"

I manage a weak smile. Motoki, I can’t give you a really good answer. Except to say when the right girl comes along, I’ll know. And when I find her..I’ll never let her go."

Motoki stares at me a few moments, and then decides I’m sincere, and he’s just not gonna budge me. He knows me...I am extremely stubborn. "Well, OK," he grins, "but if you have any other little friends you don’t want to be bothered with, would you throw them my way? You ought to be reported to the environmental authorities, Mamoru...for monopolizing all the local available female natural resources and just discarding them. Next time you get a looker like that you’re just friends with, you could at least introduce me. Then you’d be environmentally conscious at least. I’ll be happy to take on all your recycled babes!"

I wince. I don’t think of my friends like that. Just because I don’t want to get involved that way doesn’t mean....oh, he’ll never understand. At least, Motoki didn’t understand me, at that time. Later on, he met a girl, and then..his whole attitude changed. But to this day, Motoki is still an incorrigible flirt. But on this day, I wasn’t in the mood for this. I stood up, and just said, without even noticing what I was saying any more, "Yeah, sure." And I got up and went to my post, staffing the counter.

@))~~~))~~~~

It wasn’t long after that I got a better paying job as a cameraman, and I even modelled for a while. I had all kinds of different part time jobs. I finally had some things of my own, and I wanted to hang onto them. And don’t forget, I’m a Leo, and people born under that sign of the Zodiac have a taste for the better things in life. And you know if you do have those champagne tastes [Usagi’s word for it, not mine], you need a good cash flow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * This character is first introduced to the Sailor Moon anime in the Super S season. Her name is Saori, and she is in turn, acquainted with another student who Mamoru is tutoring, called Kobayashi. I re-tell the further (Super S season) adventures of Mamoru and Saori in my fanfic, "Seiko."


	9. CHAPTER 9: My Odango Atama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A NOTE TO MY READERS: 
> 
> The long-awaited Chapter 9 is dedicated to my wonderful friends in the Sailor Moon Net World, without whose support, encouragement and feedback, I never would have got this far. Procrastination is an even worse barrier than writer's block, but these dear friends have helped me through that. So a special thank you, and dedication to: 
> 
> Jennifer Wand, Tim Nolan, "Tuxedo" Will Wolfshohl, Joanne Edison-Brown, Sue-Mei Cheah, Artemis & Luna of The Sailor Moon Romance site, Sean Bright, Dion Torraville and Mark Sprague. 
> 
> And to everyone else who has written me and brightened my days, saying how much you've enjoyed The Rose Garden, and begging for Chapter 9, may I say, I think I was born on the wrong planet, even if it IS Prince Endymion's world. 24 hours in a day aren't enough to reply to you all, AND finish work on the fanfic, AND have a family life. So I muddle through as best I can. [Sweatdrop!] I hope this was worth waiting for, gang!

~~~~((~~~(@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~ 

A memoir of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane Waldron

@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet. 

CHAPTER 9: My Odango Atama   
============((============((@

PREFACE TO THE NINTH CHAPTER: 

Welcome to my place! Glad you made it here safely through the time portal to the 30th Century. This is my personal, comfy little den in one of the many rooms of the Crystal Palace. The person whose name is listed as my official biographer is sitting here on the couch with me while I re-tell some of my memories [or should I say, set the record straight?], and she's taking notes while I reminisce.

Please don't let that title I now hold, King Endymion, bother you any. I'm just Chiba Mamoru, the same guy...just have a very big job now, that's all. Anyway, there's lots of room here, it's a big couch, O.K.? And Makoto will be bringing us tea and some of her homemade cookies in a moment, so I invite you to make yourself at home. Thank you for saying that about my favourite picture that's on the wall here, the one that shows the solar system and the planets. Yes, I'm glad I brought it here from my apartment too.

Usako may wander into the room from time to time to give her perspective on things which are her memories alone, and knowing her, she'll also probably tease me about the way I choose to re-tell things. So please be prepared for the inevitable interruptions ....

 

@))~~~))~~~~

Ah, the hazards of becoming a celebrity. Usako* and I are very well aware that is now what we have become, whether we like it or not. It's getting so these days, it's very hard just for the two of us to take a quiet stroll with Chibi Usa, without being mobbed by paparazzi, unless, that is, we stay within the palace grounds. Generally, though, we usually do stay within the palace grounds, except for the occasional vacation, far from the madding crowd, which I organize through Sailor Pluto. One way to escape who you are now is to go back to "then." And going back to the past, to a quiet place, is less likely to mess with future time lines.

[*O.K., O.K., I know her official name to the 30th Century world now is "Neo-Queen Serenity," but to me, she will always be my Usako, or just Usa. Oh yeah...when I feel like teasing her, I still call her Odango : P When I do, there are some ferocious pillow fights around here, amongst other things ;-) ]

Now, there are some of you who probably think that Neo-Queen Serenity and King Endymion must be well able to deal with paparazzi or any other kinds of youmas of that nature. 

It is perfectly true that a well-placed steel-tipped rose can shatter an expensive camera lens very efficiently. It is also true that a well-aimed tiara can slice tires and slow down pursuers to a stop. The Holy Grail, one of Sailor Moon's most powerful weapons, is hardly needed for such petty annoyances as this. But let me say here, Usako and I don't believe in taking such aggressive measures to protect ourselves. Not when we have Haruka as Crystal Tokyo Security Chief. If Usako and I do need to make an official OR an un-official visit somewhere, we can certainly leave security in Haruka's capable hands. 

Hmmmm. It's just occurred to me that I've called the paparazzi youmas. I guess that will be the next headline in The Crystal Tokyo Enquirer* tomorrow morning. Michiru will be after my head tomorrow about that. She keeps telling me, avoid making public statements like this, that it's her job to be the Palace public relations spokesperson. 

Perhaps she's right. But there are times when I really feel the need to speak my mind. And this is one of them. 

Anyway, what I really wanted to say here, is that I'm about to discuss the parts of my life that are fairly public knowledge. And for that reason, some of what I now tell you here may be a little different than what you've heard. And depending on what you've read, in some cases, what I relate here may be a LOT different than what you've heard. If that's the case, I can only offer my apologies. I'm re-telling what happened, to the best of my recollection. 

A man remembers only what he wants to, they say. And you must know by now, I've had my memories taken from me, more than once. So I have become somewhat selective about the recollections I choose to hold onto, which you may believe, are very precious to me, in a way not everyone could understand. Also, let's face it, for some reason, women tend to remember all these little details of what happened when, better than guys do. For instance, I can't remember very much about our actual wedding day, though Usako remembers and treasures every detail. I think I was just so happy, I was in a daze. 

Now, I happen to know that SOME of the stories which have been written about us are so far from the truth, I don't know whether to laugh, or to get angry. There are a LOT of stories that you have probably already heard about us that are inaccurate, let me tell you. Some of them are not even close to being the truth about us! Well, Usako and I decided a long time ago, it just wasn't worth it to try and correct all the misinformation that's out there. They'll write what they like about us, anyway. The hazards of celebrity, as I've said. 

But certain stories which have been written, I wouldn't even show Usako. Sometimes my Usako thinks she would like to read something romantic, and a couple of times, she was very shocked to read about, errrrr...things.... that she supposedly did, and with whom she's supposed to have done these ummmm...things. And that's all I'm going to say about that. 

If you've read those things, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. Suffice to say, such stories get burned by me before she ever sees them now. I don't like to see her shocked and upset like that, reading those things. And you may be very sure that those kinds of stories are not going to read by Chibi Usa, if I as her father have anything to say about it. A few servers are going to go off-line before that happens. Do I make myself clear? 

Now don't get me wrong. It's O.K. with me if YOU want to read those things. Live and let live. But I would like you to know, they're mostly fiction. And I hope you don't expect us to read that stuff. If any of it arrives here at the Crystal Palace, it goes straight into the fire, along with that Dark Kingdom tabloid, The Crystal Tokyo Enquirer (it's kinda handy having Rei around when you need a nice, big bonfire). 

So, I'm not going to even try to correct all the erroneous information that's been put out about how Usako and I met, and how our relationship developed. You can just read on, and make up your own mind whether you believe me or not. 

But one thing I'd like to clear up right now. I did know that Usako was Sailor Moon, and she did know that I was Tuxedo Kamen, some time before I was captured by the Dark Kingdom. What we didn't know, or rather, remember, about each other, to that point, was that she had been Princess Serenity, and I had been Prince Endymion, in our former lives. And that revelation was quite enough for us to deal with, all on its own, just before I was captured. 

You need to know that is the truth, otherwise, you will never understand why I always call her Usako, and why she always calls me Mamo-chan. And you certainly will have noticed that is our pet-names for each other, that no one else in the universe calls us. [Oh, except that Chibi Usa did get into the habit of calling me Mamo-chan too for a while there... I guess she spent too much time with her future mom for it not to rub off on her. But she calls me Dad, or Poppa, in Crystal Tokyo, and I like that.] 

In my first encounters with Sailor Moon as Tuxedo Kamen, I had the frightening experience of blacking out several times. The telepathic link between us was, and is, very powerful. It didn't matter that I didn't know who she was at the time, and it didn't matter that I didn't understand at first how to use my own powers. Nevertheless, I was always brought there to her side, through the irresistible force of her telepathic cry for help, which I heard, at the subconscious level. 

So perhaps you can understand the confusion I was feeling those first few times, and appreciate that I had to try to function, just the same. So is it any wonder that I often didn't say that much, and that often, I left without a word? Sometimes, I don't even now remember my coming there, OR leaving...those were the periods of blackout. 

I had one thing going for me: my inner voice, which always seemed to know exactly what to do, and say. I would say this was a combination of my buried memories of my past, my extra-sensory powers, and even some telepathic messages from my future self, King Endymion. Well, hey, I needed some kind of help...nobody was kind enough to send ME a friendly mentor cat! I had to figure out everything as best I could. Ahhh, the mysterious Tuxedo Kamen, as much a mystery to himself in the beginning, as to anyone else. And that my, friends, is the ironic truth. 

The memory of my actions as Tuxedo Kamen would come back to me later, in my dreams. By the time my feelings for a sweet girl named Tsukino Usagi had overtaken all other thoughts, it was then, at about that same time, that I realized that my encounters with Sailor Moon were not dreams, and that my mission was, in part, to help Sailor Moon. Once I accepted that mission consciously, and stopped fighting it, I had no more trouble with the blackouts. 

But I still experienced nightmares about the past I could not remember, and the future. And as Mikata-chan had warned me, it would be a long time yet before I would find inner peace. A long and lonely time...but thank God, I finally found my way to my Princess at last. 

So that's all I have to say for now. From here on in, I'm going to try to re-tell our story, as best as I can remember it.... 

@))~~~))~~~~ 

Part 1:And so, it begins....  
========((=========((@ 

The secret of your beauty  
And the mystery of your soul  
I've been searching for in everyone I meet....

And if you wake up wondering  
In the darkness, I'll be there  
My arms will close around you  
And protect you with the truth.

I know you're out there somewhere  
Somewhere, somewhere....  
I know I'll find you somehow  
And somehow I'll return again to you.

 

FROM: "I Know You're Out There Somewhere"--Moody Blues 

LYRICS: Justin Hayward 

@))~~~))~~~~ 

I don't know how in hell I got here. One minute I was minding my own business, strolling through the shopping district. Then suddenly, everything went black. And when I came to consciousness, it seemed I was already in the midst of something, at the OS . P Jewellery Boutique, dressed as Tuxedo Kamen. The first thought in my mind, was that SHE had summoned me. As you know, for me, there was only one person that could be. But when I looked around me, I did not see a princess in a shimmering white gown. What I did see was a girl in a short white sailor-suited costume with a big red bow on the front, wearing a gold tiara. The only thing that did look familiar to me somehow, was the tiara. 

But I do know what had brought me back from whatever dimension my thoughts had been in. The girl was crying. Crying her eyes out, in fact, there was something on her forehead like a gold crescent moon, glowing with energy, and the noise.... my God! Supersonic, shattering waves of sound! I have never, never heard anyone cry like that before in my life...it was unearthly. That would have brought anyone back, from the dead, I think. In a way, I was grateful to her. I had no idea how long my blackout had lasted, and she had brought me out of it. Scary though, I'd apparently changed to Tuxedo Kamen, got here and become part whatever was going on here, without remembering any of my actions. 

One of those actions I still can't remember doing, apparently, was to send a steel-tipped rose into the floor between the girl and whatever it was that was threatening her, obviously as a diversion, to buy time. My heart is still pounding...something has shaken me up badly. Have I just used one of those steel-tipped roses as a weapon, then? Must have, the evidence is before my eyes. To think I did that, and now I no longer remember it! 

No time to deal with this right now. The girl in the sailor suit needs my help, fast. There's someone evil here, a woman, threatening us both--I can feel the black energy streaming from her, with some power inside me that I don't even yet understand. "Don't cry...you must believe in yourself...You can do it, Sailor Moon!" I hear myself yell. 

Sailor Moon? Is that what I call her? Apparently, it seems, I already know her name..and that, that's her name. O.K.! Makes about as much sense as anything else that's happened so far! She's wearing a sailor suit, O.K., there's the Sailor part, and, at least, until she stops screaming, there is something that looks like the crescent moon on her forehead--so there's the Moon part. Yes, this is clear to me, perfectly. Clear as mud. Oh, how do I get myself into these situations, anyway? 

I feel her fear and confusion hit me as hard as a physical blow, from where I am standing on the window sill. I am startled at how intensely I can feel her emotion, as though there is a newly-formed connection between us, not clear yet, but enough for me to be aware, this much. It's like hearing a foreign language for the first time, and I'm getting a word, or in this case, an emotion here and there from her. 

The girl in the sailor suit is looking at me with hope in her eyes because of what I've just said to her, words I didn't even know I was going to say to her. God, if she only knew how much fear and confusion I am feeling at this moment, would she look at me with such trust? I don't know how I got here. I don't know how I can be so aware of what she's feeling, or how it is that I know what to say or do next. I'm at the top of the roller-coaster here, and my stomach can sense I'm about to drop...all I can do is hold on. I can't let on to her. I can't. 

Now pull yourself together, Mamoru. SHE'S come unglued, obviously, but you can't afford for both of you to be like this. In that moment of clarity, as I realize, I've just GOT to be strong, for both our sakes, I can feel all the years of hard-won inner self-control settle over me like a mantle, covering my bewilderment with calm concentration and focus. I will get us through this. I don't need to understand why. I will just get us through this. 

All those thoughts flash through me in fragments of a second; I speak, act, react instinctively. I can feel my body quivering like a race horse at the starting gate, as if it's been waiting a long time for just this moment. An inner voice speaks to me then, as my mind starts to clear. She is afraid, in danger and she needs you, the inner voice tells me. And you must be there for her. Well, hey, I can do that. If I can just get my own head together here, [minor miracle, that], pulling this Sailor Moon together ought to be a cinch. 

So I shut my eyes for a moment and let the next thought surface. And surprisingly, I hear myself saying, "Look into your heart and find the warrior within you. It is your destiny." [It is? "Yes, it is," says my inner voice. "And you are part of it. So stop asking questions and keep talking to her!"] 

At that moment, a black cat jumps onto Sailor Moon's head. Seconds after the cat jumps off, I see Sailor Moon grab her tiara and she begins to spin, holding it aloft, as if she were about to throw a discus. Her release is perfectly timed, and I can't help but notice her awesome balance and grace. She not only cries spectacularly, she throws spectacularly, I think. The tiara hits the witch dead-on, slicing right through her, and she crumbles into dust. 

But the girl with the awesome throwing arm, this Sailor Moon, is still looking at ME in wonder, hanging on my every word, staring at me so hard that I can feel myself blushing [and I hope she hasn't noticed!]. I am amazed at the reaction I'm getting from her. I've done nothing so very special or wonderful. I sense now that I could have actively used some of my own powers on this witch from the Dark Kingdom*, but I haven't. All I've done so far, is create a diversion by throwing a steel-tipped rose into the floor, to give Sailor Moon a chance to come to terms with what's going on and do what she has to do. 

[*Dark Kingdom, whazzat, you say? At this point, all I could have told you, is that's it's a chink, a fragment of memory, suddenly surfacing to me now...the rest of it, still buried. Yes, I really had to try to function like that, at the time.] 

And yes, I've talked to her. Sent her reassurance, confidence, strength. But somehow, it's not just my words that are reaching her. It's as if I'm sending some of my own energy across the room to her. I've no idea how I'm doing this, or how I even know I'm doing this. Yet, I feel the connection between us, like a electric current. 

Now, she's sending [telepathing] something back to me. Gone is that fear and confusion that was inside her before. I sense a different set of emotions being transmitted from her to me: an indescribable warmth, a sense of her absolute confidence in me [which I've done nothing much to deserve, so far], and her gratitude that I'm just there, somewhere in that radiant smile she is giving me. With those sensations she's sending to me, I can feel my head getting clearer and clearer. 

So, even though she was afraid at first, this hasn't been just a one-way transfer, from me to Sailor Moon . It is as if she is somehow telepathing strength back to me, too. Yes, Sailor Moon is steadying ME too. Yet I'll swear she doesn't even know she's doing it. I'm feeling a lot calmer now, even though I still can't remember how I got here in the first place. The next time we meet, I'll be able to find my feet mentally a little sooner. [Good grief, WHAT did I just say? What next time? Is my subconscious making plans for me now? Oh, never mind. *Sigh*]

I say a little more to her, and remarkably, just the right words to say to her seem to be welling up from my all-knowing inner voice. [The Mysterious Tuxedo Kamen? More like, the Mystified Tuxedo Kamen, truthfully. Yes, I know I've just ruined my reputation. Sorry to disillusion you.]

"You have done well, Sailor Moon." [Certainly, I mean every word of that...you were afraid, very afraid, and yet, you still found your way.] "Others will test you." [How the hell do I know that? Oh, another flash of premonition, I guess... These premonitions are hitting me fast and furious now, coming so fast, that I hardly have to assimilate them in my mind before I've said the words aloud! It's no wonder I have that roller-coaster feeling.] "Do not be afraid...I will fight WITH you!" [So, I'm coming back sometime soon, am I? Nice to know!]

I jump to the high-up window sill, my feet light as air, my head giddy with everything I'm feeling, which, as I sort it all out, is mostly a feeling of elation. How is just seeing her making me feel THIS good?

"Well, I didn't find the Silver Crystal here," I call down to her, "But I've enjoyed the show!" [Now why do I know she knows about the Crystal? But the inner voice tells me she does, she's somehow part of my quest. And yes, watching this Sailor Moon in action has been...marvellous.]

The last thing I think, as I leave, and everything goes black again, is what a lovely smile she has, this Sailor Moon. "I won't forget you, Sailor Moon," I call to her, as I leap from the window sill, and my heart is soaring.

It will be such a pleasure to be of service to her again. I hope maybe next time, I'll do something more concrete than just creating a diversion for her, and talking to her. And as I get more familiar with these powers I seem to have, both the physical and mental ones, then I ought to be able to do more. I'm going to work on that. For another one of those smiles, I would be willing to do a lot.

@))~~~))~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *There is a parody fanfic about that 30th Century scandal sheet, "The Crystal Tokyo Enquirer," which publishes whatever salacious rumours it can get away with, especially about Crystal Tokyo's royal family, Neo Queen Serenity, King Endymion, the Princess, Small Lady, and their retinue of Sailor Senshi. That fanfic I've written is entitled, "A Scandal in Crystal Tokyo." Not a word of it is true! Or, is it? Who knows? For sure, Michiru has NO COMMENT to make to the press!


	10. Chapter 9, Part 2: Into The Fog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~ 

A fanfic by Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan

@))~~~))~~~~ 

Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

CHAPTER 9: My Odango Atama  
========((===============((@

Part 2: Into The Fog  
=====((========((@ 

The second encounter I had with Sailor Moon was also my first with the brilliant and very supportive Sailor Mercury a.k.a. Mizuno Ami. Ami, I would like to say, is more fun than people would ever expect who just see her as, I quote, "The 300 point I.Q. Girl Genius." She is much more than that, just as my Usako is a lot more than just a girl who would a thousand times rather be playing video games or eating out than studying. If you could only know them as I do. Sorry, I digress. 

Anyway, I might not have ever met Sailor Mercury, except that I started feeling bad vibes about this "Crystal Academy" place that I'd recently heard about. The Crystal Academy was a suddenly trendy cram school, where all the top students in the neighbourhood were going for after-school studying. 

That name, "Crystal" did make me wonder...might it lead me to the Illusion Silver Crystal? So Tuxedo Kamen decided to make the scene, and I arrived just as Sailor Mercury had her first transformation, right as Sailor Moon and I were watching [that is, if we could have seen what was happening to Ami through the fog, we would have seen her transformation. But I'm getting ahead of myself.] 

Poor Ami was in the grip of a computer teacher who had suddenly sprouted long, vicious razor-sharp nails, and yes, this teacher was starting to look like many of the Dark Kingdom youmas that Sailor Moon and I have since come to know, and love. Uhhhh... love, like a toothache, that is. 

I thought I heard a voice yell at Ami to use her transformation pen [dunno who could have been talking to her..nothing in the room but that little black cat?], and instantly, the room was filled with icy fog...Sailor Mercury, in full battle mode. However, it wasn't just the youma who was blinded. Sailor Moon was blinded too.

Fortunately, I didn't need to understand the nature of my own powers to be able to use them in a crisis. So I grabbed Sailor Moon from behind, and, with a steady grip under her arms, gave her the balance to aim a crescent-kick dead centre of that witch's face, though Sailor Moon couldn't see just where she was kicking in the fog. It's interesting to recall now that without being able to see, and hardly knowing me, still, she trusted me enough just to follow my instructions and kick out blindly. Just as I knew instinctively what to say, how to move--holding her came completely naturally to me, without thinking. We moved as one, like a pair of dancers, long accustomed to each others' moves. 

In retrospect, if I had thought about it at all at the time, it should have occurred to that things like this shouldn't have come so easily for Sailor Moon and for me, after only one meeting....It was as if we had, in reality, known each other for a very, very long time, to have that level of trust, for the two of us to be able to function like a team so quickly. But I *wasn't* thinking. I wasn't thinking at all. The inner voice took over and choreographed my moves, with a precision I never would have known how to achieve, back then.

Once the youma was stunned by that marvellous kick she let fly, I set Sailor Moon down and told her it was time for her to do her stuff, a performance I'd taken pleasure in once before--her tiara throw. I hung around just long enough to have the satisfaction of seeing that tiara hit the mark perfectly, then made my exit quietly.

But I'm getting ahead of myself...let me go back to earlier that same day, when things, although I didn't know it then, were really starting to happen in my life....

@))~~~))~~~~


	11. Chapter 9, Part 3: Odango

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan  
@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

Chapter 9: Part 3: Odango  
===((============((@

I don't think I will ever forget the day a small, crumpled wad of paper socked me right between the eyes--lucky I was wearing shades! I unfolded the paper, and it read: Grade 8, Class 1, Tsukino Usagi, Mark: 30. Thirty per cent! I was scandalized, that anyone could get such a low mark. And also, when I saw this little blonde girl flouncing by, long blonde pony tails sailing out behind her like streamers, and her hair caught up into two little balls, shaped like dumplings, I was--annoyed. [OK, I was furious, I admit it.] She wasn't even looking at me. And by this time, well, I admit it, I wasn't used to being completely ignored by the female sector.

@))~~~))~~~~

[Usako has just come into the room at this point, and, overhearing me re-telling the tale of how we first met, she says, "Yes, Mamo-chan, you were spoiled, totally spoiled! Spoiled, and insufferably arrogant!"

"Spoiled, huh? Spoiled, and insufferably arrogant, am I? I'll show YOU who's spoiled, Ms. Junk Food Poster Girl! I'll attend to you....later."

But Usa's not impressed with my threats, breaking into delighted giggles. "Is that a promise, Mamo-chan? Good, I'll be waiting!" Then she squeezes my shoulder, gives me a wicked grin, and runs out of the room, still giggling. You know, for a girl who was at one point, very unsure of herself, these days, she can be a terrible tease. Not that I'm complaining...]

@))~~~))~~~~

Oh, what was I saying? Usako can be SO distracting. Oh, yes. She lobbed that test paper behind her, not even looking, and after I recovered from that, I yelled at her, "Hey, Odango Atama [Dumpling Head]! Are you really that stupid? Or are you just plain lazy?"

I don't know what I expected. When I make a teasing remark to most girls, usually, they just laugh, and respond in kind. But this Tsukino Usagi was different. Quite the proud little princess, this one.

She turned on me ferociously, and told me, "Don't you dare call me Dumpling Head! That's my hair style! And my test paper is none of your business!" To my surprise, she was almost in tears.

And now I felt really bad for making fun of her. But the damage was done. She snatched the paper from me, and flounced off. Run, rabbit, run. Never saw a girl take off so fast. And I was kind of irritated to find I was still watching her hair--those odangos, bounce, as she went away--why? Oh, never mind. Not going to let some silly girl wreck my day.

@))~~~))~~~~

And that was our first meeting. Hardly sounds like the beginning of a great romance, does it? Yet it was. And if I'd been paying any attention to my own reaction, I would have realized that I was way too interested in having her turn around and look at me. I would have said just about anything to make her turn around. And given what a depressed mood she must have been in at the time, maybe if I'd said something polite or nice, she would have probably have run off in embarrassment, instead of staying, and getting angry at me. And I sensed even then, I'd enjoyed that encounter--I'd actually enjoyed watching her get angry at me.

@))~~~))~~~~

About the same time, as I mentioned before, someone else invaded my life. The one called Sailor Moon. At the time, I had no idea that Odango Atama and Sailor Moon were one and the same person. I did react to Sailor Moon differently than Odango, right from the beginning. Maybe that's why. But considering how differently SHE reacted to Tuxedo Kamen, and how she insulted ME all the time, I don't know that I have anything to feel embarrassed about here. But I do, anyway.

Now, I have a confession to make. I love to watch Sailor Moon in action. I always have, from that very first time she sent her tiara spinning into the air, in a perfect arc, and then caught it, with such natural grace. That day, she just took my breath away. And she still takes my breath away. I never get bored, watching her, to this day. I feel so proud sometimes, knowing she's my Usako, I could just about bust. Yes. About Sailor Moon, I'm a total, total marshmallow, in awe of her sometimes. I guess that will never change.

Yes, sometimes she's scared, sometimes she cries. She was like that a lot, at the beginning. But let's just say, I know exactly what it's like to be very alone, and afraid. And not be able to stop your tears. There was nobody to tell me to believe in myself, there in the hospital, and in the orphanage. Nobody to hold me and tell me things would work out O.K. But I remember the feeling, all too well. From the beginning, I felt her loneliness reach out to me...I who knew all about loneliness. The first time I met her, without knowing it, it seemed I had made a promise to myself about her: She will not be alone, never again, if I, Tuxedo Kamen, have anything to say about it; I will be there for her. Until she finds her own way.

But also, once I was sure she was all right, I left her to deal with things. I knew that Sailor Moon mustn't get too dependent on me or anyone else. To rise to her full powers and confidence, she had to know beyond doubt, that she could manage on her own very well. She needed to learn to trust in herself. So I gave her space to do that, though sometimes, in our early encounters, I would have liked to have stayed around, maybe got to know and her friends, the other Senshi, a little better.

But somehow, I sensed there would be plenty of time later to do that. There was a flicker of premonition in me, that the relationship between Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen, and her other friends, was just beginning; that I could watch it patiently, and very slowly grow, like one of my prized bonsai.

@))~~~))~~~~

But, getting back to Odango Atama...In the following weeks, it seemed that girl with the odangos was ubiquitous, following me everywhere. In the streets. On the bus. At the Crown Game Centre. Was it me who couldn't forget her, or was it she who was somehow insisting I notice her? It seemed at the time that she was fluttering, teasingly, like a mysterious butterfly in the edge of my vision, and I was unwilling at first to bring her into full view.

Now I know better, of course. She was the one girl I knew who wasn't falling all over herself to impress me, and that piqued me. I was badly in need of ego-puncturing, and Usagi gave it to me. Swat! Right between the eyes! With yet another crumpled-up paper, this time an ad for a computer cram school, the Crystal Academy. [Now this time, I do understand why she threw out that flyer. The day that Usako deliberately gives up her free time for studying at some cram school, for computers or anything else, there will be two moons in the sky, for sure. Ami-chan, she is not, and will never be.]

I yelled at her, "Hey, Odango! I'm not a garbage can!" She at least had the grace to look embarrassed.

"Oh, it's you again!" She greeted me like I was a bad penny turning up. Arigato, Odango. You know just how to make me feel this small. And I'm not gonna let you get away with it. I'll take every opportunity to take you down a peg too, annoying girl.

@))~~~))~~~~


	12. Chapter 9, Part 4: All Aboard For The Dark Kingdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan  
@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

 

CHAPTER 9: My Odango Atama  
================((=======((@

Part 4: All Aboard For The Dark Kingdom?   
===========((===================((@

So the next time I ran into Odango, taking the bus on my way to Moto Azabu High School, would you believe, I surprised her talking to her cat, of all things? 

"Luna, say something!" I heard Odango say to the little black furball. Well, now I KNOW that Odango Atama is strange. And I took advantage of the opportunity to tease her. 

"Yeah, Luna, say something, why don't you? Whatsa matter, `cat' got your tongue?" Yeah, I know. Not exactly sparkling repartee, was it? Why, oh why, does that Odango always make me say just the wrong thing? 

"You AGAIN?" Says Blue Eyes. Yeah, me again, Odango. The bad penny, turning up again. 

"You're SO noisy, Odango Atama. Can I help it if I overhear your little heart-to-heart talks with your furry friend there? Hey, Sorr--reee, Ms. Luna, didn't mean to insult your Royal Feline Majesty. What a glare your cat has, Odango. Wouldn't wanna cross HER path!"

The weird thing is, both she and that black cat of hers looked very uncomfortable, as if I'd REALLY caught them talking together. But right after that, at the same time, I dragged out my student card to impress her. Hey, I'm not one of your junior high friends. I, Mamoru, go to an elite private high school, Moto Azabu High School, on scholarship. So there. Notice me, dammit. God, I was SO transparent, when I thought I was being SO clever.

Well, my student card did not impress the girl with the long blonde ponytails at all, much to my chagrin. [Hmmm...maybe I should try pulling those ponytails...no, that wouldn't quite get the results I was after. I thought better of that impulse.] What a strange, strange girl. She seemed far more uneasy about the fact that I was spying on her and her little black cat, than thrilled to know she was sharing her bus with someone from the prestigious Moto Azabu High School.

[Well, honestly, how was I to know that her parents had done nothing but constantly remind Usako how intelligent her classmate Umino was, and how poorly, she, Usako, was doing at school? How was I to know they kept nagging Usako to go out with the bright Umino and thus, improve her marks? How was I to know that hinting to her that I was intelligent was just about the worst approach I could have chosen? All right, I admit it. I am sometimes dense as a post. At least, I admit it.]

However, I don't give up that easily. I tried another gambit. I asked Odango if she'd heard about all the Grade 7's who had disappeared while taking this very bus route, the Sendai Hill bus route. This was THE hot story that week, after all.

Privately, I had found some of the reactions I'd overheard over the past week to be amusing, though I didn't tell Usako that. Although a lot of the students in our neighbourhood were either upset or scared about the string of disappearances, there were quite a few of them who were just plain excited about what was happening. Maybe some were hoping to be transported somewhere more interesting than school!

Some of the more daring ones, the ones who enjoyed scaring themselves, were deliberately taking this bus route, even though they didn't have to, and I could overhear whispers and giggling...ooooh, we're gonna disappear if we stay on this bus, snicker, snicker, snicker. The bus route was beginning to turn into the equivalent of the "dark tunnel ride" at a carnival, with giggling girls being clutched by their would-be boyfriends...."Don't worry, honey, I won't let you disappear!" the guys would say. 

Secretly, though, I had a bad feeling that the destination might be somewhere in the Dark Kingdom. That was the real reason why I was taking Usagi's junior high route bus in the first place. Well, it WAS the original reason, before I got...errrr...distracted. 

Ah, I'd finally aroused her interest. "So, you take this bus route all the time with the junior high school students? What do you know about these disappearances?" Sky blue eyes were focussing on me with rivetted interest...now why was I starting to forget what I was going to say? 

Ummmm....let's see. What tack to take? Ahhh, yes, mysterious and scary...that's the ticket. "Well, strange things happen on this route," I tried to sound really ominous [I am, if I do say so myself, very good at sounding ominous. I scare the heck out of those youmas, I like to think]. "But I can keep you company if you're scared,Odango." [Well, that line was working well for some of the other guys, O.K.?] 

That cat of hers gave me a dirty look. It's almost as if the cat knew what I was up to. Me, up to something? Nah. 

Odango has drawn herself up very stiff in her seat. [Oh-oh! Bad move, Mamoru. Overplayed your hand a little there. Damn.] 

"Arigatou. I can look after myself just fine." How warm those sky blue eyes can look at you, and then how cold. So cold. 

Whew! Did the temperature just drop in this bus, or what? I try to think of something to say to recover the situation, but it's too late. She's leaving. I messed up...AGAIN. 

I hear the recorded bus announcement say, "Next stop, Sendai Hilltop, and the Hikawa Shinto Shrine." 

So Odango gets off the bus at the Sendai Hilltop stop, cat in her arms. That little black cat is looking back at me over her shoulder the whole way....with a baleful cat glare. But Odango? She won't even turn around.

But then she does...but not at me. The cat seemed to tense and put a paw on Odango to get her attention, and they both turn to stare at a girl with long, long black hair, getting on the bus in the unmistakable uniform of that expensive private girls' school, the T.A. Academy.

The girl sees me at the back of the bus, and beams. "Mamoru-san! Hey, you doing anything tomorrow? Wanna meet me in the park?" It's that girl, Hino Rei, who I met the other day at karate class.

"Uhhhh, yeah, O.K." I replied, hardly knowing what I'm saying. Hey, can't I sound a little more enthusiastic than this? Let's try that again..."Oh, yeah, sure, let's!" [Well, at least somebody values my company, I think.] 

The bus doors close, and the girl with the odangos and her eerie black cat are gone. Why do I feel so...frustrated? 

@))~~~))~~~~ 

[Usagi re-tells this part of the story:]

"This is where it happened. The buses all disappeared right at this stop," Luna informed Usagi. "See that girl there with the long black hair? She's the temple priestess at the Hikawa Shinto shrine. She may know something about the disappearances of those students. When she comes home tonight...follow her!"

"Anyway," Luna continued, "she may be the Princess we've been seeking! Why, this priestess is SO beautiful, just like a princess! Just look at her noble complexion...her piety. There is no nobler work for a member of royalty than labouring at a sacred shrine. And you must have noticed how graceful she is, Usagi-chan, and she goes to a private academy, too!" 

"Yeah right, Luna!" Usagi, replied, sourly. "Couldn't be less like me, could she? All right, if this is our mission, this is our mission. But must you go on and on about that priestess?" 

"Usagi-chan, I've been sent here to be your guardian. Please try to be more respectful." Luna snapped back. 

"O.K., O.K.," Usagi sighed loudly. 

"Oh, and Usagi-chan?" 

"Yes, what now?" Usagi asked, resignedly. 

"Something else I've been meaning to tell you. I don't think you should talk so freely to that young man, Chiba Mamoru. He's a suspicious character if ever I saw one. So I think you should avoid him." 

"Well, it's not like I'm trying to bump into him, Luna. HE keeps bumping into me. But really, am I such a baby I can't be trusted to talk to him, for heaven's sake? He annoys me, but Luna, really. You can't tell me who I may and may not talk to." 

"Usagi-chan, you show an alarming tendency of developing a certain..attitude with me." 

"Attitude? What do you mean, attitude?" Usagi looked indignant. 

"Like the other night. It was good we made our new contact, Sailor Mercury. She is the first of the Sailor Senshi [Soldiers] who will help us in our mission. We must find the others. But all you could talk about after we got home last night, was Tuxedo Kamen. Now I don't know why he keeps showing up where we are, but remember, Usagi-chan, you know nothing about him. He could very well be the enemy. You let him take far, far too many liberties. I know you don't like me to say this. But I have to warn you about him." 

Usagi turned a furious face on Luna. "He saved my life, Luna! Why won't you trust him?" 

"Did he, Usagi-chan? Or was that just a gesture designed to make you let down your guard? How do you know what he's really after?" 

"Luna, I don't think I want to talk about this any more. You depress me," and Usagi turned away. 

"I...I depress you?" Luna looked non-plussed. She just didn't have an answer prepared for that remark. 

@))~~~))~~~~ 

That evening, after school, Luna and Usagi took a long look around the temple and its surroundings, trying to get a feel for the mysterious things which had happened here. But from out of the sky, two black crows swooped down, attacking Usagi. 

"Hey, stop that! Leave me alone!" yelled Usagi. 

At the sound of her cries, the dark-haired girl came running out of the temple. She was now wearing the traditional white and red robe of the temple priestess. Pointing her finger at Usagi, she called out, "You! I know about you! I've been warned by my vision! You are going to bring me trouble! Something terrible is going to happen at this sacred shrine, and you're connected with it! But I won't let you! Evil spirit, begone!" 

At these words, she held out a small slip of paper with writing on it, and with a dramatic gesture, she threw it at Usagi. The slip of paper landed right on Usagi's forehead, and with a groan, Usagi fell to the ground. 

The dark-haired girl ran forward, and as she reached the fallen Usagi, she looked startled, and embarrassed. "Whaaat? It's just a girl. I must have misinterpreted my vision." She helped Usagi to her feet, and the two crows settled on each of the girl's shoulders. 

"I'm really sorry about the misunderstanding, and about my pet crows dive-bombing you. But with everything happening around here, you can understand me being just a little nervous about strangers prowling the temple grounds, can't you? Just the same, Phobos and Deimos don't usually attack people like that. You must give off bad vibes, or something," 

"Thanks A LOT!" retorted Usagi. 

The dark-haired girl coloured at that, "I'm sorry. You must think me very rude. It's just my way with people. I don't always realize how it comes out sounding, till after I've said it. But please don't hold it against me. I'm Hino Rei. What's your name? I've seen you around with that cat of yours. Do you take her everywhere with you?" 

"I guess it does seem a little...unusual." responded Usagi, trying to think of a way to explain Luna. "Well, actually, she's ummmm....she's my guardian cat! Yeah, ummmm, she's an attack cat. So I bring her everywhere with me." 

Luna, of course, looked disgusted at this explanation...so she was to be described as a mere bodyguard, instead of her actual status as Royal Advisor. How demeaning! Of course, Usagi completely ignored her...she was very good at that. 

"I'm Tsukino Usagi. This is really a lovely shrine you have here. It must take a lot of work to keep it looking like this. I know *I* couldn't do something like that." 

Rei looked gratified. "Yes, you're right. I do have to work so very, very hard. No one appreciates how hard I work. Certainly not my grandpa. He just takes me for granted. But why don't you come in and sit down? I'll put on some tea. It's the least I do after that little mix-up. And I'll make sure Phobos and Deimos know you are welcome here." 

As she said the name of each bird, she stroked it gently. "But don't let them too near that pretty brooch of yours. Crows love snitching shiny stuff like that, and I don't know if I've found all their hiding places on the temple grounds yet. You wouldn't believe how many pieces of jewellery I've lost that way." 

Usagi looked alarmed, and clutched tight to her brooch. "Naughty crows!" she called to Phobos and Demos, "If you DARE to touch my brooch, in the name of the moon, I WILL..." At that moment, Luna scratched her ankle. "OWWWW!! Luna!!" 

"In the name of the moon, you'll WHAT?" Rei asked, eyeing Usagi suspiciously. "Just what are you going to do to my poor crows?" 

"A-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!" Usagi rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment. "Oh, nothing, sorry, I meant nothing. It's just that this brooch is very special. It's...ummm..it's a family heirloom." 

Rei's face, stormy for a moment, cleared. "Oh, I see, a family heirloom. Of course, I understand," Then, looking sad, she continued, "My mother died a long time ago, and my Dad's away on business most of the time, so I treasure everything they've given me, too. Now there's just me and my grandpa. And really, I take more care of him now, though he likes to think he takes care of me. I can't really talk to him about how I feel." 

She stared off into the distance, her eyes dark with remembered pain. "I've been on my own for a long, long, time now. Often, I tell my deepest feelings to the sacred fire." And Rei gestured towards a wonderfully warm, roaring bonfire in front of them. "But though sometimes, it sends me the answers I seek, it's not like talking to a real person." 

"I feel like that too," Usagi said, in between sipping her green tea, which was piping hot and perfectly steeped. "I can't talk to my mom or dad about some of the things I'm going through right now. Sometimes, I'm so scared, and I wish I had a real friend I could talk over these things with." [Although, who COULD I ever talk to about being Sailor Moon?...Luna isn't quite the same as another person, either...although she tries, though, Usagi thought.] 

Rei grinned. "Well, you can come back and talk to me, anytime! Bring your cat too, if it makes you feel safer! Grandpa says my temper scares some people...so maybe you NEED an attack cat!" And Rei burst out giggling. Soon Usagi joined her. Yes, that Rei certainly had an abrupt manner, but she knew right away she could trust her...trust her with anything. 

@))~~~))~~~~ 

The next morning, Ms. Haruna's class was abuzz with the news. Umino, the class gossip, as usual, was bursting to tell Usagi the latest--whether she wanted to hear it or not. 

[Why do my parents like Umino so much? Usagi sighed to herself. Sure, he gets great marks at school, but I don't like the way he pokes into everybody's business the way he does. All he does is talk, talk, talk. There's nothing to know about Umino. He's as transparent as those glasses he wears. But Tuxedo Kamen, now...there's a guy who's mysterious!] 

"Usagi-san? Usagi-san? Are you O.K.?" Umino's thick specs were just inches from Usagi's face, peering at her. 

Noticing this, Usagi backed up two feet. "Yes, what is it you simply must tell me, Umino?" 

"Did you hear? Some more 7th graders went missing last night! Why do you suppose it's always 7th graders? I'll bet it's some really weird sick guy who goes looking for kids that age! Hey, you want me to take you home tonight, Usagi-san? I wouldn't want YOU to get kidnapped by some weirdo!" 

"No, I DO NOT!" Usagi snapped. "I'm going on the Sendai Hill bus to see my new friend Rei..and I don't wanna hear about it! Go protect someone else, Umino!" 

"Usagi-chan, you were very hard on him," Luna said when they were alone. 

"He won't leave me alone if I'm nice to him," Usagi retorted. "And anyway, what do YOU know about guys, Luna?" Luna looked very uncomfortable, and then looked away. 

@))~~~))~~~~ 

[Chiba Mamoru continues his narrative:] 

Moto Azabu High School let out early today, because there's a big exam tomorrow, and they wanted all the students to study extra hard...it's worth 25 % of the term mark. I'm not worried...I know this subject very, very well. But I haven't been sleeping very well lately, so I think I'll take the opportunity to grab a nap..after I input some more data into my computer about the Illusion Silver Crystal. 

I've been trying to research crystals at the school library, but I have a funny feeling I'm going about this all wrong. Nothing I've learned at school has prepared me for this mission, it seems. I'm in uncharted territory here...I feel so lost. And as for finding the Princess...how does one find a Princess...will she just turn up one day, wearing her shimmering white gown? Absurd. Just absurd. Oh, I'm so tired. Let's switch off this computer, I can hardly see the keyboard any more. And my shoulders are getting stiff from sitting here. Time for that nap. Maybe something will come to me in my dreams, who knows? 

@))~~~))~~~~ 

I am dreaming again. There she is....her hair is all loose this time, so long and golden, flowing over her shoulders in waves, golden silk against the dazzling white of her gown. This time, she takes my hands in both of hers. She looks so sad, I feel as if my heart is going to break. 

"You must find it for me...the Illusion Silver Crystal. Or I can never be...or we can never be. There is so little time. And I am so afraid...oh, I am afraid! Do not fail me...Endymion." 

That name again. Is that name mine? But I will not remember the name, once I awaken again. Sky blue eyes look deeply into mine..they are somehow, so familiar....She breaks her hold on me suddenly, and I feel as if my very soul were plummeting into an abyss. She floats away like a wraith, but her warm hands in mine...were so real. "No, No! Don't go! Please don't leave me!" I hear myself cry. Don't leave me alone again. I can't bear being alone any more. 

But it is no use, these thoughts. I awake, as I always do, the cold sting of tears on my cheeks. Who is she? Why does she come, night after night, if she is only going to leave me again? 

I try to shake myself out of these hopeless feelings. Why can't you live in the here and now, Mamoru? Why worry about your dreams? What about your reality? I get up then, and get a bottle of juice from my fridge, and while I'm standing there sipping , I take a look out of my window. I always have my blinds open so I can see the street. 

Such a great view I have, of downtown Tokyo...the hustle and bustle outside reminds me, that I am never really alone...there are lots of people out there. Nobody special in your life though, is there? The inner voice says insistently. And I hear myself reply defensively, Hey, wait a minute, I have friends! And that girl I just met, Rei, she's nice.... 

And then my eyes fall on a girl running down the street, hurrying to catch a bus..a girl with long golden ponytails. Her again. Odango. Getting on the Sendai Hill bus. Wait a minute. I don't like this. I have such bad, bad feelings all of a sudden. And then...I don't remember anything after that.... 

@))~~~))~~~~ 

"Caw, caw!" A big crow just swooped past my ear. And another one, diving at my head. Guess they don't like my top hat, or something. My top hat? Yikes. I must be in the Tuxedo Kamen outfit, again. 

Now where the heck am I? O.K., where are those crows going? Circling a building, a shrine..oh sure, I know this place. That's the temple where Rei works, the Hikawa Shinto Shrine. So I know exactly where I am. Who's that in the distance? A girl with long golden ponytails, in a sailor-suited uniform. She's looking at a bus...which is going the wrong way. 

Something is very, very wrong about this, I can feel it. I see the girl, from the back, throw something cylindrical into the air. She shouts something, and suddenly someone totally different is standing there. She tenses herself, as if to spring onto the side of the bus. I find myself running, my heart pounding. I have to get there..I have to help her. 

As I get within range, I see that the girl has changed herself into a very sharp looking airline stewardess, who is now hanging off the side of the bus. Who was she...was that really Odango? How did she manage to change her appearance like that? Suddenly, I realize a small black cat is scrambling to get hold of that stewardess's very shapely leg, and getting nowhere. Cat? That cat, Luna? So It WAS that girl, Odango. 

Odango. She transformed right before my eyes, into that stewardess.....I was so busy staring after her, I never noticed the bus pulling away at high speed. The first thing I know, that poor little cat, Luna, who couldn't get a hold of her mistress, went flying. Luna landed straight in my arms, and I don't know who was more uncomfortable about it, her or me. 

I must confess, if someone was going to land in my arms, the cat wasn't exactly who I had in mind. I was still watching the sailor suit/stewardess, well, whoever she was...fascinating in any form she chose to take, that's for sure. But as far as Luna was concerned, if it was a choice between landing in the arms of that untrustworthy scoundrel, Tuxedo Kamen [who was probably the enemy], or landing on the dirty Tokyo pavement, I won out, but not by very much. She scrambled and almost clawed her way free, the moment she could leave my care in a dignified fashion. A cat values her dignity, and Luna is a very dignified cat. 

Now what? Oh God...that bus is leaving the ground now, being sucked into what looks like a big black hole in the sky. Odango the disguise artist, flying buses, and now another, black hole dimension. Curiouser and curiouser, I think Alice In Wonderland said in a similar situation. All I need now is a White Rabbit to run past, yelling, "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!" 

Wait a minute, here, I HAVE met a rabbit, in a white uniform, anyway..that's what her real name, Usagi means...Rabbit. But it's Tuxedo Kamen who is late for a very important date. I've missed my bus, it seems. And though I do feel as if none of this is real, that I'm not really here either, the fear I have right now is very, very real. I have got to get to that girl..Usagi...Odango. And I have no idea what to do about it. 

The fear builds and builds in me. I feel strange, as if my body were on fire. Have to get there...have to get there..I keep repeating it, like a mantra. Suddenly, I feel very weak, and I have to sit down on a nearby bench. My head is swimming. But I can't black out now. Please, not now. She needs me. 

 

@))~~~))~~~~


	13. Chapter 9, Part 5: Chasing The White Rabbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan

@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

CHAPTER 9: My Odango Atama (continued)

Part 5: Chasing The White Rabbit

[MAMORU's NOTE: This part is taken from Luna's and Usagi's  
reminisces. I am amused to note that Luna took the opportunity, when  
re-telling her experiences, to complain about the lack of  
ergonomically designed keyboards for cats. It's the first thing I  
remedied when I became King Endymion; I personally commissioned the  
*Luna laptop*, designed to fit the paws of small feline users like  
Luna, Artemis and Diana.

Luna was so inspired by receiving her special laptop, she  
designed a special database program for cats to plan special  
low-ash diets, remedy furball cough-up, keep nails in trim without  
wrecking furniture, and many other cat-wonders. Luna's program has  
sold many more copies in Crystal Tokyo than WIN95 ever did, and being  
Luna's program, has NO bugs in it. But I digress...]

"Ami-chan? I need your help!" Luna came running into the cram  
school class where Ami was studying late, alone.

"What's up, Luna?" Ami, hands poised over the keys, looked down from  
her laptop at a very alarmed looking Luna.

"Usagi-chan got on the Sendai Hill bus..and there's something else.  
Just before the bus disappeared, I saw the girl we met the other day,  
that temple priestess, Hino Rei...slumped in one of the bus seats.  
She was lying unconscious. So we have to find them both. I'm glad  
you have your laptop there. We can use it to locate Usagi-chan's  
communicator."

"Hai! [Right!]" Ami replied. And her fingers flew into action.

Suddenly, they both hear Usagi's voice coming from the laptop  
speakers. "Luna! Come in, Luna!"

"Usagi-chan?" Ami cried. "Is that you? Where are you?"

"I don't know!" Usagi's voice sounded wobbly, frightened. "After  
the bus went through the hole, I jumped off and I came to this  
place..all I can see is a stone castle. But Luna, I've lost the bus!  
Oh Luna, Ami, what am I going to do?" she wailed.

"Usagi-chan, listen to me. There's only one thing to do. You must  
transform to Sailor Moon...now! And you must save all those  
students!" Luna ordered.

"Hai!" Usagi replied.

"Luna, she needs me to help her too! Is it possible for me to  
transform too and transport to that place?" Ami asked.

"Yes, it is possible. But, here, you will need this when you get  
there." And she handed Ami a second transformation pen.

"Why will I need this?" Ami asked.

"You'll see when you get there. I have great faith in you...Sailor  
Mercury!"

Ami smiled. "Thank you, Luna! I'll try to prove worthy of your  
trust in me!" Then, tossing her own pen in the air, she called out,  
"Mercury Power!" And then she disappeared.

Luna sat down at the laptop in Ami's place, and donned a headset.  
"Really," she muttered to herself. "When I get a chance, I'm going  
to type up a letter of complaint to the manufacturer. These  
keyboards are very poorly designed for cat paws. It's time they took  
the special needs of feline users into consideration. But never mind  
that now. Let's get a fix on Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury."

@)~~~))~~~~

The shrine maiden, Hino Rei, lies splayed out on her side on the  
ground, her dark hair spread out like an ebony fan. Jadeite kneels  
beside her, reaching out to caress her hair. "So beautiful," he  
murmured to himself. "I've wanted this girl since I first saw  
her...and now, no one is going to stop me..."

At that moment, not far away, following Luna's instructions blindly,  
Usagi called out, "Moon Prism Power...Make Up!" and transformed to  
Sailor Moon. And much to her delight, Sailor Moon looked around to  
see Ami materializing next to her. "Ami-chan! Thank goodness you're  
here!"

Ami gave Sailor Moon one of her warm smiles, and promptly transformed  
to Sailor Mercury. Her eyes widened as she noticed Jadeite with his  
arms wrapped tightly around Rei, one arm with a stranglehold on Rei's  
throat. "Look, Usagi-chan! Over there..we've got to help that girl!"

Jadeite smiled grimly, "So you've come at last, Sailor Moon. But it  
won't do you any good. I have this beauty now, and I intend to keep  
her!"

"Rei-chan! Are you all right? Please say something! Please,  
Rei-chan!" Usagi shouted, desperately trying to arouse the  
unconscious Rei. She called out to Jadeite, "I won't let you trap  
all these innocent people here! In the name of the moon, I'll punish  
you!"

Sailor Mercury spread a fog across the room, hoping to blind Jadeite.  
"Quickly, Usagi-chan!" She yelled. "You must save Rei-chan while  
Jadeite is blinded!"

But Jadeite, with one hand still tightly bound around Rei's throat,  
made a quick motion before his face with his other hand.  
Derisively, he jeered at Sailor Mercury. "Is THAT all you've got?  
You're not so very tough!" The moment his hand moved, the fog began  
to dissipate.

"Hey! He got rid of Mercury's mist! He can't do that! That's not  
fair! Oh no, what am I going to do now? Please Luna, help me!"  
Usagi was starting to whimper, and, as usual, she looked to her furry  
advisor to help her find the answer.

Luna, at the other end of the communicator line, wearing a head set  
while she operated the laptop, knew it was time to rein in her  
charge.

"Now don't you start crying, Usagi-chan!" Luna used her  
sternest voice. "If you start crying, you'll start supersonic waves  
vibrating again. Those are really dangerous, and uncontrollable!  
Then, you won't be able to save everyone. So get a hold of  
yourself, and toss your Moon Tiara-now!"

Sailor Moon, shamed into quick reaction, tossed her tiara spinning  
towards Jadeite.

"What-What's this?" Jadeite cried.

Luna, remotely controlling the tiara's trajectory from her keyboard,  
pressed a key, and the tiara promptly locked around Jadeite, trapping  
his arms.

"How...? It's caught me!" Jadeite yelled. "But don't you think  
for a moment I'm beaten!" His eyes blazed with a cold light,  
focussed directly on Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury. Sailor Moon  
felt a powerful force from Jadeite's gaze, causing her knees to give  
way, and to slam hard into the ground. From Sailor Mercury's moans,  
Sailor Moon realized that she couldn't stand up either.

But from the communicator, they both heard Luna's voice, piercing in  
its urgency. " Ami-chan! That pen I gave you! Throw it at  
Rei-now!" Mercury couldn't get up, but she could still throw,  
and she did.

A beam of moonlight seemed to appear from nowhere, lighting Rei like  
a spotlight. And suddenly, a symbol appeared on her forehead...the  
symbol of the planet Mars. The pen was still glowing in the air,  
suspended, as if weightless, above Rei's head. Then, as if  
answering their mistress's summons, Rei's two crows appeared, flying  
overhead.

"Phobos, Deimos!" Rei cried, happily, as she transformed  
into...Sailor Mars. The crows circled above her, like a heavenward  
benediction of the new Sailor Senshi. Sailors Moon and Mercury  
looked on, awestruck. "Rei-chan..is that really you?"

It was a confident, revitalized Rei, who smiled back at them. So,  
this was the truth of her vision...and Jadeite was the true source of  
the evil she had sensed near the shrine. She felt a surge of power  
concentrating in her arms, and instinctively raised them towards  
Jadeite. A ball of energy glowed from Sailor Mars' arms. She drew  
her breath in sharply and spoke the words of power. "Evil spirit,  
begone!"

There was an agonizing shriek from Jadeite as the ball of fiery  
energy leaped from Mars' hands, and charred his body to a corpse!  
Sailor Moon gasped. But before she could have time to take in the  
fact that Jadeite was gone, just like that, she heard Luna's urgent  
voice again on her communicator.

"Girls! You must come back, now! There's not a moment to lose! The  
dimension you're in is distorting, shrinking, closing in on itself.  
If you don't all gather together and leave this dimension now, you'll  
be trapped forever!"

"But how do we get all those people on the buses out of here fast  
enough?" Sailor Moon moaned. "We just can't do it in time, Luna!"  
Mercury and Mars looked at her, stunned. There just wasn't time for  
them to come up with a plan of action.

But just then, the empty bus, where Rei had been held captive,  
started its engines. Sailor Moon's eyes widened in horror. "There  
must be another enemy inside the bus! We'll never escape here in  
time!" she thought.

There was no time to run, though. The bus roared up and came to a  
stop, exactly opposite Sailor Moon, and the door opened.

A very familiar voice spoke cheerfully. "Going my way, ladies?"

@)~~~))~~~~

[Chiba Mamoru continues his narrative:]

The bus..the bus..have to get to the bus. Have to find the Rabbit,  
the Rabbit in White, the Rabbit on the Moon, Tsukino Usagi...cause  
I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date! Oh Mamoru, you have  
TOTALLY lost it now...if you feel like you're Alice In Wonderland,  
that's a sure sign...but wait a minute. Oh...I'm on the bus! What  
the..in the driver's seat? Now how did I get here? Oh, why do I  
ask? Through the Looking Glass, through the Black Hole Dimension,  
what difference does it make? None of it makes sense anyway.

Might as well drive this bus...none of this is real, anyway. Oh, my  
top hat's falling into my eyes. Let's adjust it, in the rear-view  
mirror. Yeah, that looks better. There now. The Mad Hatter, at  
your service. Quite, quite mad. But even crazy dreams have their  
own crazy logic. For sure, if I drive this bus, something will turn  
up. Who will it be, I wonder? Dunno, but it's my unbirthday today,  
and my unbirthday gift is, I get to drive the bus. Let's see now.  
There's the gear shift, key's in the ignition. Shall I crash this  
baby, or what? Could be fun. Nah. Would Tuxedo Kamen crash the  
bus? Never. Never.

Gradually, the high-octane mix of adrenaline in my blood starts to  
slow, and my head begins to clear, just a bit. God, where is that  
girl? Is she all right? Tsukino Usagi, last seen as...an Airline  
Stewardess? On a bus? Hey, we'll make a great couple, won't we?  
The Mad Hatter and the Airline Stewardess. Coffee, tea, or me?  
Yes, of course, we'll have a tea party, the Mad Hatter's Tea Party,  
on this bus. Why not, on the bus?

She's fine, says my inner voice, she's fine. Just drive the bus.  
Your White Rabbit [my WHAT?] is fine. Anyway, if Tuxedo Kamen is  
needed, then Sailor Moon must be somewhere around. So you find  
Sailor Moon. That is your mission. Stop getting sidetracked with  
White Rabbits. That, if you recall, is what got Alice in Wonderland  
into trouble all the time...chasing White Rabbits. Hey, that makes  
perfect nonsensical sense to me, I thought.

Well, you can see how spaced out I was. I had stretched my powers  
as Tuxedo Kamen to some level never used before, and somehow I  
reached the other dimension. I don't think I went there bodily...I  
think my essence left my body and went there, and I stayed behind on  
the park bench, where I passed out. I think that, because something  
like that happened to me again, when I later became the Moonlight  
Knight.

The strain of pushing myself like that meant it took a while  
for my mind to go back to normal. Yet, I am sure, if Usako had  
really needed me, before my stint as bus driver, I would have found  
her. I know that, as surely as I know the sun will rise in the  
morning. And at some level, I have always known that.]

Well, who's this? The gorgeous Sailor Moon, the spunky Sailor  
Mercury, and who's this new Senshi in the red high heels? She looks  
like...oh, stop it, Mamoru. Everyone you know can't be a Sailor  
Senshi. If I start imagining things like this, I am definitely the  
Mad Hatter.

As I roll the bus to a stop, and flick the door switch, [Wow, I  
could get used to this...just think, I could pick up entire busloads  
of girls. Oh, the Tea Parties I would have...], I consider  
breaking into song, "A very merry unbirthday, to me, to me!", but I  
think better of it. That may be the Mad Hatter's best line, but it's  
not mine.

"Going my way, ladies?" I call out cheerily. And I am rewarded by  
definite responses from at least two Senshi...the one with the  
lovely smile, and the new one in the red heels. They seem delighted  
to have this Mad Hatter as their driver. As for the Senshi with  
hair the colour of an autumn deep blue lake, she is also relieved to  
see me. But she is much shyer than the other two.

So. Not late for that very important date after all. Came in time  
to see them safely home, anyway. I sneak a look through the  
rear-view mirror, and notice all the other buses, with the missing  
students, are lined up in tandem. How do you DO these tricks, Tuxedo  
Kamen? Well, really, I don't have a clue. Must be all done with  
mirrors. Rear view mirrors. And soon after I start thinking that  
silly thought, I stop thinking at all. Blackout again.

@)~~~))~~~~

The Princess In The Painting

I think you know by now that I really don't like being stared at, let  
alone poked and prodded, and told what to do. So you may  
wonder how I was ever persuaded to sit still and pose long enough to  
be in a painting, without being ready to climb the walls [well, you  
knew I like climbing walls and roofs, anyway]. It's a long story,  
but here goes.

Not long after my stint as the Sailor Senshi bus driver, I was  
passing by an art gallery. I was on my way to meet a friend at  
school for a study session, when my eye was caught by a painting in  
the window there. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I couldn't  
believe it, when I saw that the two figures in the painting looked  
very much like Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen.

So then, imagine how shocked I felt, when I recognized the  
oh-so-distinctive style of the artist Yumeno Yumemi, whose first two  
paintings were secretly hanging in my closet at that moment. I knew  
every brushstroke of Yumeni's style, for she, and she alone, had  
brought my Dream Princess to life. Every day, I would look at  
each picture: one of the Princess, full of wistful yearning  
in her gaze, and the other of the Princess in the arms of her Prince,  
and I wondered if she would ever be more to me than just a dream.

And there was something else I remembered, something that  
suddenly chilled me inside, despite the warmth of the day. Yumeni  
also knew that a certain Chiba Mamoru had purchased a tuxedo from her  
seamstress friend. Yet Yumeni-san and I had never met, and I *hoped*  
she was still keeping my secret.

As I looked at the beautiful paintings in the window, I now regretted  
never meeting Yumeno Yumeni. This girl I had never met had  
shared these beautiful works with me and yet, she had refused to  
accept payment or acknowledgement for it. She had told her friend  
that she knew the paintings belonged with me. I should at least  
thank her, I thought. I must find her, and thank her.

But for now, that painting rivetted me. There was something about  
the girl in the picture, something familiar. In my mind, I flashed  
back to Yumeni's other pictures...why, it was the same girl!  
Wasn't it? So I backed up for a better look at the entire scene.

Well, obviously, I wasn't watching where I was backing, was I?  
I felt my back thud into something soft, and I heard a cry of  
distress behind me. Then there was the ominous sound of things  
clattering to the ground. [Cripes, it's catching, Mamoru. You're  
turning into Usagi the Klutz! See what happens when you can't stop  
thinking about her?]

Quickly, I whirled to see a girl on her hands and knees, her  
hair in a long dark braid, trying desperately to retrieve an artist's  
portfolio, and her glasses.

"Sorry!" sounded so inadequate, but it was all I could manage to say  
to her. But I helped her pick up all the things she'd dropped, only  
to feel, of all things, the girl clutching my wrist! The girl, now  
wearing huge glasses that dominated her face, was holding onto my arm  
now, her face wreathed in smiles. She reminded me for all the world  
of a groupie, looking at me like I was the filet mignon on her dinner  
menu. [Not AGAIN! What IS it I do to girls, anyway? To some girls,  
I mean sigh. Well, speak of the Klutz. Here comes Usagi. For  
sure, SHE'S immune to my charms, whatever they may be.]

"Well, look who's here!" Usagi chortled. "I'm telling Rei-chan!"  
[She gives me that smug look of hers, and I can feel my hackles  
rising. How does that Odango manage to get right under my skin like  
that? And those paintings are already making me feel edgy. A  
sparring match with Odango is all I need right now.]

"Look, don't get the wrong idea, Odango," I tell her, and I can feel  
myself scowling, I can't help it. How does she always get me SO  
wrong?

"What do you mean, I've got the wrong idea?" Usagi demanded. "Hasn't  
she got you by the arm? So you're two-timing Rei-chan! And when I  
tell her what a creep you are..."

She's working herself up now, enjoying how uncomfortable she's making  
me. What have I ever done to deserve this? I am dangerously close  
to losing my temper, I can feel it. But just as I can feel myself coming  
to the boil, the crazy girl with the glasses comes to my rescue. Cause  
now she's grabbing Usagi by the arm, too!

"You're perfect, too! Both of you, you're just perfect!" [Perfect  
what? Perfect fools, for staying here listening to this crazy girl?]  
"I need you both to model for my painting. Please, please, I promise  
I won't take long," The girl's face is lit up in her eagerness.

"Well, I can't stay long," I start doubtfully. [You MARSHMALLOW,  
Mamoru! Say NO! You don't have time for this, and...And she's  
standing next to me...and there goes my thinking processes, dammit.  
She doesn't even like me, and look at me. Tsukino Usagi-she did it  
to me again. I dunno if I love her or I hate her. But Mamoru the  
Marshmallow just got sucked in again, and I don't like it. I don't  
like it at all.]

The girl smiles a very winning smile at me, and Usagi is all excited  
at the idea of modelling. I start to feel a smile welling up at that  
excitement, and quickly stifle it. Mamoru-get it through your head.  
She doesn't like you. She doesn't like you. So stop being a doormat.

The girl takes us to what looks like every romantic artist's dream of  
the Cottage in the Country. Wide porch, flowers everywhere,  
picturesque and very feminine. The whole place looks like one of  
those art prints women love having on their living room wall, too  
kawaii [cutesy] to be real. Not my style at all, but it's obviously to  
Usagi's taste. She's wandering all over the garden, gushing about  
what a beautiful place this is, and making the girl with the dark  
braided hair blush.

"Come on, Odango Atama! Can we get on with this? I don't have all  
day to kill, you know!" How peevish my voice sounds. How is it that  
Usagi always brings out the worst in me, it seems?

Usagi looks up at me mischievously, and continues her tour of the  
cottage front. "What's your hurry? I thought you stuck-up students  
at Moto Azabu High just played around all the time!"

I can feel my scowl deepening, as I reply furiously, "I do NOT play  
around all the time! I have to study very hard there, I'm on  
scholarship, not rich, you know, and..." And Usagi is snickering at  
me. She got me AGAIN. And smugly, she turns away and starts going  
through all the things kept on the porch.

Oh, no, Usagi, please! You DON'T just go riffling through someone's  
personal stuff like that. She's going through what looks like this  
girl's other works on the porch, and I think I am going to die of  
embarrassment at that Odango's behaviour. But part of me is also  
frustrated. She would just about rather do anything, it seems, than  
notice I'm alive. Why in God's name am I here, then? Why do I make  
myself miserable like this?

Sunk in misery, I don't immediately look at the paintings Usagi is  
toying with. Then I do, and I gasp! And so does Usagi.

"B-b-but this looks just like Yumeno Yumeni's paintings!" Usagi  
stammers. I can see she is a definite fan of Yumeni's. [Well, at  
least she has good taste.]

Then it dawns on me..this is the same Yumeni whose first paintings I  
own...and who knows I wear a tuxedo. A look passes between us.  
"Are you Yumeni-san?" I ask.

Yumeni, smiles, a bit embarrassed, and blushes. "Yes, I don't fit at  
all with the romantic images in these pictures, do I? So I pretended  
to be more beautiful."

But something else passes through her eyes that Usagi doesn't catch.  
She has just remembered who Chiba Mamoru is, and is looking at me  
speculatively, and pleased about this situation. So now, no matter  
how uncomfortable I am, I can't go to that meeting at the school  
until Yumeni has had a chance to do whatever it is she wants to do  
with me. I can't take a chance on her blurting out to Usagi as to  
how it is, that I happen to have two more of her paintings myself.

Tuxedo Kamen MUST remain nameless. It's no longer just for school  
reasons. The Dark Kingdom folks would very much like to know who has  
been frustrating their efforts to find the Illusion Silver Crystal,  
and by now, Tuxedo Kamen is certainly on their hit list.

"Please, Mamoru-san, relax. I'll get you some coffee,"Yumeni says,  
coaxingly. Well, she DID give me those paintings out of the  
goodness of her heart, a gift I treasure, though I can't thank her now,  
not with Usagi there. It seems that all the thanks Yumeni would like,  
is that I model for her now. I'm gonna be late for that meeting at the  
school for sure, and I don't know if my friend is going to wait for me  
if I'm late. I don't like letting people down like that, being late. [Yes,  
you're right, I'm not a bit like Usako, in that way. Being late is kind of  
a point of pride with Usako, almost a mark of her personal importance,  
that people have to wait for the great SHE to make her entrance.  
She's lucky that we let her get away with it.]

But then it dawns on me now that I owe Yumeni, big time. Not just for  
the paintings, but for keeping my secret, and never asking me any questions  
about the tuxedo I purchased. I groan inwardly. Seems I have no choice.  
Damn. How do I get myself into these situations?

Then Yumeni adds, to both of us, "Don't tell anybody about this. No one  
must know what Yumeno Yumeni really looks like, " [Hey, that goes  
double for ME, Yumeni. Don't tell anyone about ME! But I can't say a  
word in front of Usagi. God, I wish I'd never come here. I wish I  
hadn't been such a Marshmallow.]

"But what about your friends?" Usagi cries. "Don't they know?"

"I only have a few, very close friends. None of the public who buy  
my paintings know. I don't need them to know, Usagi-san. As long  
as my pictures are good, and I can sell them, that's the important  
thing." Yumeni explained.

Yumeni bustles around, outwardly nervous, but inwardly, I think she  
knows that I, at least, won't go anywhere, however I mutter and complain.  
I guess she wishes I WANTED to be here. Oh, good grief! Homemade  
cookies, yet? She thinks THAT will soften me up? Here Yumeni comes  
with a tray full of warm cookies. An avid student of Martha Stewart,  
I bet, when she's not painting. No wonder klutzy Usagi's impressed.

"Now, Usagi-san, you sit here," Yumeni says, indicating the spot  
next to me on the couch. [Does Yumeni actually think the White  
Rabbit will stop bouncing and hopping around long enough to sit next  
to Chiba Mamoru? Let alone stay still long enough for her portrait  
to be sketched? This, I gotta see.]

"Whaaaat?" Usagi screeches. "You want me to sit side-by-side with  
this guy?" [Looking at her expression of distaste, Mamoru's  
incredible shrinking ego goes down another 10 notches.]

"Don't look so happy," I respond, bitterly.

Turning all sorts of colours, Usagi wails, "I don't WANNA model  
for romantic pictures with HIM!"

"Please," Yumeni begs, "Take a seat there. I can't get any  
inspiration without models. I've been looking everywhere for a  
couple who look like you. I only need you for today. Please?"

"Fine," My voice is Mamoru at his most cutting, and determined.

For God's sake, let's get this over with. Odango Atama, you will  
live through this. Not so sure about me, though. You're sitting so  
close to me, and my eyes are travelling around to the other pictures  
in the room, and in my mind, to those two *other* pictures in my  
closet at home.

And one of those two paintings, Usagi, would make you turn  
would make you turn colours I've never seen, I bet. It is one  
hot pic, that, of the Princess with her Prince. And now as I look  
at you, so close, I can't help but notice how much you look like  
THAT picture. My mind is putting you in place of that  
Princess in the picture. God. I can feel my hands starting to sweat.

[It would have relieved my suffering at that moment, had I known that  
Usagi was suddenly thinking that she liked my looks, and feeling  
guilty for being attracted to me, first because, well, Rei would kill her!  
And secondly, she thought her attraction to me was being disloyal to  
Tuxedo Kamen! If I'd have known that, how I would have laughed  
But instead, how I suffered that day!]

[And if you're wondering about Tuxedo Kamen's powers of telepathy,  
I have since discovered that if you're upset enough, your powers to  
perceive what other people are feeling, shut down entirely. And yes,  
the proximity of Tsukino Usagi at that moment, and the sudden  
overwhelming attraction I felt for her, coupled with the knowledge  
that she obviously would rather be with anyone else but me...well,  
that upset me badly enough right there, even without my other worries  
about Yumeno Yumeni's silence, and my being late for my appointment  
at the school.]

So all I saw, at the time, was crazy Odango Atama, getting the  
fidgets as usual. Bouncy little bunny, can't stay still for a moment,  
thought I. As she squirmed in her seat, apparently imagining Rei's  
furious jealousy, though I didn't know that, I asked her, "What are you  
doing?" [Can't sit next to me for two seconds. Why does she hate me  
so much? And why does she, perversely, fascinate me so much?]

"None of your business!" Usagi snapped, coldly. Well, that's the end  
of THAT conversation. [SIGH. We're like a pair of cacti, she and I.  
All we can do is bristle at each other, it seems.]

A gratified sigh comes from Yumeni. "Ah, now I think I can get a good  
sketch. I have a feeling this is going to be my masterpiece."  
[Well, Yumeno Yumeni, I'm glad SOMEONE around here is happy.]"


	14. Chapter 9, Part 6: True Love Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~ 

A fanfic by Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane Waldron 

@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

 

CHAPTER 9: My Odango Atama ==========((============((@

Part 6: True Love Dreams  
=======((==========((@

There she goes AGAIN. Usagi has hopped out of her seat and has run over to get a close look at Yumeni's sketch pad. Doesn't she know any better than to move while she's being sketched? Just as well, though. My tortured imagination is working overtime, and I can no more shut out the thoughts, than I can stop my roses from shedding petals when I'm upset. If she sat this close for much longer, for sure she would see the sweat breaking out on my brow, and wonder.

Fortunately for me, Odango has never been too observant.

"That's me?" exclaims Usagi. "I can't believe it! It's SO pretty," she gushes. "How can you draw such wonderful pictures?"

"Well," replies Yumeni, dreamily, "Whenever I draw a picture, I pray that whoever sees it will be happy, that they will find their true love. That's why I call these pictures my "True Love" series."

These remarks only serve to make me feel still more bitter. Love and me are strangers. And it looks like it's gonna stay that way. For the first time, my loneliness hits me with the force of a blow. And if the girl with the long blonde ponytails is thinking of love, it sure isn't with me. I think of the Princess I've been searching so long for. Then I think of Usagi, who I think, despite her lack of grace and impulsive behaviour, looks more and more to me like that Princess in the painting. I feel unhappy, confused, and hopeless. And I just wish I could go home.

"Aren't you sweet, Yumeni-san, to wish true love for everyone else? But you, you're all alone. No one knows the real you, Yumeni-san. That's so sad," Usagi remarks.

"No, I want everyone's dream of love to be perfect, " Yumeni insists. "If they saw the real me, well, I'm not glamorous and romantic enough. I would spoil that dream."

[God, I can't stand this stuff she's telling Usagi anymore. It's such a bitter, bitter joke, this magic "True Love" paintings stuff. It's such a lie. And it's time to face the bitter truth.] I blurt out, "If you aren't happy yourself, how can you possibly make anyone else happy?"

The moment the words are out of my mouth, I regret them. I'm letting my own bitterness and loneliness speak for me. But I didn't have to drag the two girls down with my mood, did I? Let them believe in their "True Love" dreams, if they can.

Usagi is glaring at me now. "How can you be so cold? Yumeni's paintings are beautiful. Why, look at this one! Now, Mamoru-san, look at this picture, and tell me it doesn't move you at all--I won't believe it!" It is Tsukino Usagi with all the guns blazing out of those sky-blue eyes of hers, furious in defence of a friend, of someone she cares about.

I am more and more ashamed of my bitter outburst. But my pride will not let me take the words back. And even Usagi noticing me because she is angry at me is better than being ignored. Some irrational part of me, deep inside, is gratefully enjoying that she is looking at me, even though the little round face is furious, and her cheeks very pink with outrage.

Finally I am able to tear my eyes away from hers to look at the painting. And then I gasp! It is of that same girl again, this time giving a locket to a guy who, again, looks like me.

The scariest part is, I recognize the locket. It's a musical locket, which has been with me forever, and I can't remember where I got it from. My eyes are rivetted to the painting, and I'm unable to speak. Usagi was right...it moved me. More than she can ever understand.

"The girl is giving the locket to her young man, as a token of her love," Yumeni is explaining. "That couple, they are very special to me. Whenever I feel an urge to paint them, I can feel the love between them. Yet somehow I also feel very sad. I am so glad you like them too!" Yumeni's eyes are shining.

"I know how you feel," I hear myself saying quietly. Am I saying that to Yumeni, or Usagi? I don't know. "That scene is somehow so familiar to me."

There's a little catch in my voice as I say that. It's almost an admission of the wistful yearning inside me, the yearning that threatens to break out at any second, underneath the layers of bitter loneliness. But Usagi, I see, hasn't noticed. All she sees is that for once, I've said the right thing, and I'm admitted back to the human race...for the time being anyway.

I sigh, and Usagi doesn't notice that either. If I leave now, I can just make that appointment at the school. Part of me starts to say the obvious thing, "Sorry, but I have to go now. But listen, if you are staying late, Usagi, I can come back later on, and see you home?"

For a moment, Usagi looks as if she might going to be accepting my offer. But then those thoughts that I should have known were perturbing her, begin to intrude. That, of course, if Rei should hear, would infuriate her. And, [how this makes me smile now!], she was also afraid that spending time with me would be like cheating on Tuxedo Kamen. [I really had no idea how much I was inadvertently complicating my love life with that mask, when I first put it on.]

And then the third thought hits Usagi. "Does Chiba Mamoru think I'm too much of a baby to walk home alone at night? Hmmpphh!!"

[If I could have answered her honestly, I would have said, "No such thing. It was just the best pathetic excuse I could think of at the time, for coming back to see you." Of course, I would have never made such a damaging admission, and had her laugh at me.]

"Arigatou, Mamoru-san. But I don't need you to take me home," and the ice is back in Usagi's voice, and in those icy blue eyes.

I blew it again. I don't know how, but I did. Everything I say to Usagi blows up in my face. There's nothing I can do right with her. I sigh, and go off to my appointment at the school, feeling depressed.

@))~~~))~~~~

[Usako told me later that Yumeni was surprised that she didn't want me to take her home. "At the time, I didn't see us as a couple," Usako told me. "But when Yumeni looked so surprised I didn't want to be with you, and said what a nice guy you really were, that started me re-thinking my feelings towards you. I could tell Yumeni thought you were attracted to me, something that never even dawned on me. I didn't believe it at the time, but after Yumeni implanted the idea on me, I couldn't dismiss it. As an artist, she has that depth of perception, to see the truth. And so she knew the truth about us, before either of us did."

"And something else happened later that night that changed me," Usako told me. "Luna brought over my moon rod, saying I'd dropped it. She was very dismissive of me, even when I explained I had been feeling some stress from worrying about Tuxedo Kamen, and what he felt for me. When Luna said she wished all problems were so simple as mine, that got me furious."

"I realized that Luna didn't take any of my feelings seriously, or see them as valid. So that's when I began to keep my thoughts, especially about Tuxedo Kamen, to myself. I think it was the first time I realized that there were some things that Luna didn't understand, and that I would have to sort out for myself."

"It's the strangest thing," Usako smiled at me, years later, "but I think I really started to grow up, the day I carelessly dropped the moon rod. I might be imperfect, immature, sometimes irresponsible, but I knew I could trust my feelings about Tuxedo Kamen, whatever Luna said, and that I was right that you would be important in my life."

[I confess, she makes me very happy when she says things like that to me, even now.]

@))~~~))~~~~

The next day, I came to see Yumeno Yumeni on her own, and had a long talk with her. I was honest with her about why I had bought the tuxedo from her friend, and told her how much those two paintings had meant to me. Now if Usagi had dropped in then, and seen us together, I bet she would have been sure I was cheating on Rei. I felt that Yumeni already knew what was going on inside me already, and I might as well tell her the rest. I even told Yumeni about my mixed up feelings towards Usagi. And Yumeni told me not to give up on her.

"She isn't half as against you as she pretends to be," Yumeni smiled. "She gets way too defensive and indignant at the very idea she's interested in you, so I know I've hit a nerve," Yumeni grinned.

"I don't know about that..." I said doubtfully.

"Well, I do!" Yumeni cried. "Hey, listen," she continued, her eyes dancing, "Would you come back one day in the Tuxedo Kamen outfit and model for me? I could do much better paintings with the real thing as inspiration, you know!"

"You're not really the shy Yumeno Yumeni you pretend to be, are you?" I grinned. "You're quite the little arm-twister when you want to be!"

"Where my paintings are concerned, I am a Tiger!" she agreed, happily.

"Well, O.K...deal. But this time *I* get to pick the times I come for my modelling sessions. I do have a pretty heavy school schedule, you know. And if Tuxedo Kamen gets a last minute call, I may not be able to show, nor will I be able to warn you I can't be there. But I will call you afterwards, and schedule another time for a sitting."

"That's a deal!" Yumeni agreed, pleased.

"One more thing, " I said, looking at her seriously. "I meant it that you're denying yourself happiness, by not letting people know the real you. You should let people know what you really look like. I think that people are more caring than you give them credit for. And if I can see the beauty of the spirit within you, I'm sure others will, too."

Yumeni really blushed then. But that day she secretly started working on a self-portrait. And this time, that self-portrait looked like the real Yumeni. When she finished it, she scheduled a surprise visit to her studio to show it off to Usagi and me. [Poor Yumeni, vainly pairing us again, trying to play matchmaker. Usagi STILL wouldn't look at me.] Yumeni had finished the picture that we both had posed for as well.

When Usagi and I saw the two pictures, I don't know which of them was the more remarkable. She had certainly captured Usagi's essence, right down to the odangos, which I teased her about. But when I saw the self-portrait of Yumeni, I knew she must have started it after our discussion, and I was moved that I was able to give her that much confidence, to be herself. I didn't say very much, but I looked over at Yumeni, and a look passed between us that Usagi didn't see.

I left the studio with a lighter heart and more hope than yet I had ever felt before.


	15. Chapter 9, Part 7: Rei and Usagi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan  
@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

CHAPTER 9: My Odango Atama (continued)

Part 7: Rei, and Usagi

 

Subject: Chapter 9-The Rose Garden[FANFIC]  
Part 7: Rei and Usagi  
Date sent: Wed, 28 Jan 1998 18:29:14

 

I think it is time I told you about Rei. Yes, we dated briefly,  
before I realized what I felt about Usagi. She was the first girl I  
ever shared some of my inner thoughts with. Not all, mind you, but  
some. I have always felt very comfortable around Rei, and still do.  
And we still confide in each other; we are still really good  
friends. I don't think either of us regrets getting to know each  
other better. It started when we were comparing notes about our  
karate lessons.

And then one day, when Rei was in a bright, happy mood, full of  
things to tell about her day at the temple, she noticed I wasn't  
paying attention at all. She kept probing me quietly, till I finally  
let it slip I'd had a nightmare, and it was still making me uneasy.

Rei looked at me, distress evident in her face. "Oh, that's  
terrible! I know what it is to get nightmares-and from your face,  
it was something more than that, wasn't it?" And then, looking at me  
sharply, Rei continued, "Was it was a vision, like a premonition?"  
And I looked at her full in the eyes, and said, "Honestly, I don't  
know. And I have never known."

It was then that Rei insisted on inviting me over to the temple (I  
kept protesting that I didn't think she, or anyone else, could help  
me), and there, over tea and pastries, she tried to coax me to tell  
her what the nightmare was about. Hoping, by being honest with me,  
that I would reveal more to her, she told me that she herself often  
suffered from terrible nightmares, and that they were often visions,  
premonitions of the future, something that was both her gift and her  
curse, from being clairvoyant.

She peered at me very closely, and asked, "Are you a psychic,  
Mamoru-san? Somehow, I've always sensed that you were. I think  
that's one reason I'm drawn to you. You probably have telepathic  
abilities like I do, as well." Rei studied my face some more, and I  
think she was just considering a new way of probing me, when the  
phone rang, and she ran to answer it.

I heard her speak very sarcastically into the phone. "Well, really,  
Usagi, what do you expect ME to do about you failing another math  
test? Pull yourself together, will you? Stop crying. And no, I  
can't talk now. I'm very busy. Goodbye!"

Then I saw Rei, in the space of five seconds, go from annoyed and  
impatient, to pasting an encouraging and welcoming smile on her  
face-for me. I realized then, that wasn't the first time I'd seen  
her squelch Usagi, or make fun of her and try to get me to join in.  
And I never would join in. It was one thing if I teased her. But it  
seemed I didn't like to hear other people making fun of her. And  
suddenly, I found I didn't want to tell Rei about my nightmare. In  
fact, I no longer wanted to talk to her about anything. I was  
...angry.

I looked at my watch, made some excuse, and said I couldn't stay any  
longer, I was sorry. I saw Rei's face fall, and I was really sorry.  
But not that sorry. I found myself walking really briskly, in the  
direction of the Crown Game Centre. Now, why am I going there? I  
wondered to myself. I'm feeling angry, not like playing a video game  
at all. And I don't even know what I'm angry about! So what am I  
going there to do, exactly? Mechanically, I counted the bills in my  
wallet. Yes, enough there. Enough for what?

Then, as I turned into the door of the Centre, and my eyes fell on a  
figure, her back to me, with very long, long blonde pony tails,  
playing a video game, I knew. Even before she turned her  
tear-stained face to mine, and tried to hide her expression,  
unsuccessfully. I realized I was about to treat Tsukino Usagi to a  
chocolate fudge sundae.

As I looked at her little woebegone face, I felt my arms come up  
involuntarily. What was that about? Did I actually want to reach  
out for her, to console her? I looked down at my hands, and forced  
them back behind my back.

Then I asked Usagi my question, making it sound very casual, saying  
that I was in the mood for chocolate, and how about her, would she  
like to come too? She looked at me doubtfully, trying to gauge if  
she was being made fun of. She actually thinks that. She must  
really think I'm a jerk. So I asked her again, risking sounding just  
a little anxious.

Her eyes widened, then she broke into a smile. "A hot fudge sundae?  
For me? Really?" She looked so pleased and excited, I wished I  
had asked her long ago. And I was amused to see she came right  
along, almost tripping over herself in her eagerness, like a little  
lamb. I reminded myself again that I was going to play this very  
casual, just a friendly little encounter. Even if I did have to put  
my hands in my pockets, to stop them from shaking.

She was almost finished her ice cream, when I quietly asked her if I  
could see her test results. She was very upset at first, much as  
I expected her to be. She was furious with Rei for telling me. But  
then I waited her out, just kept looking at her.

"Just what is it you want?" she snapped. "Why do you want to see  
my test results? You know I failed, don't you? Isn't that enough?"

She glared at me. And I looked back at her, steadily. "Well, I was  
hoping really...if we went over it together, all the questions and  
answers, I might be able to help you do better next time."

I watched suspicion, surprise, doubt, and then hope all cross  
her face, within seconds. And then she brought up a wadded-up,  
crumbled paper out of her pocket. I took it from her hand, noticing  
how small her hands were. And after I had carefully unfolded it, her  
eyes on me the whole time, I read out the first question in a voice  
too low to be overheard by anyone else. Then I went over the answer  
with her, and how it was arrived at. And then I went through all the  
other questions, one by one.

I realized after a while, she's just not taking this in. She's just  
staring at me. "Usagi-chan?"

"Yes?" Sky-blue eyes, drinking me in, as if they'd never seen me  
before.

"Maybe we should continue this another time. I guess you're tired,  
and..."

"I am NOT tired!" She was indignant.

"Well then, you're just not ready to listen to math right now."

"I am TOO listening!" [How does she get her voice to go up an entire  
octave like that? Amazing.]

I grinned. "O.K., O.K.! You are NOT tired, and of course, you ARE  
listening to me, with rapt attention. So what question did I just  
read to you?" [Aha, Odango...gotcha.]

"Ummm, it was, well, it was, oh, I don't remember." And then she  
blushed beet red.

"It's O.K.. Really. We'll do this another time." I smiled at her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" she cried. "Here you've been trying so hard to  
help me, and I don't even thank you! Thank you SO MUCH,  
Mamoru-san, for the sundae, and for wanting to help me," she  
sighed. "I guess no one can help a hopeless case like me!" [No,  
Odango, it's ME who's hopeless. Hopelessly fascinated by you, if  
only you knew it. But I can't take a chance that if you find out,  
you'll run away from me. ]

"Oh, I don't know. I think all you need is a little patience, and  
more motivation." I answered her.

It was then Usagi looked down at the table, embarrassed, and for the  
first time, she noticed the time on my watch. "Oh, dear, I have to  
get home! My mom will be expecting me. But oh, I feel so much  
better now! I know my mom's gonna be mad at me when she finds out I  
failed the test, but I think I deal with that now O.K.. Thank you  
for cheering me up so much!"

And then off she went skipping down the street, her hair bouncing,  
just a happy little bunny. I caught myself thinking that, and said,  
what on earth has come over me? I tease her all the time, then I get  
mad when someone else, Rei, gets mad at her? Why? They're friends,  
aren't they? Since when did it become my responsibility to worry  
about Rei's friend's feelings?

Of course, I finally figured out what was going on with me, somewhere  
about 3:00 AM. It made me sit right up straight in bed. And right  
then, I knew I was going to start cooling things off with Rei. We  
were going to stay friends, I liked her a lot. I still do. But  
it was over now, before it ever really started. And something else  
had begun, something much stronger, inside me. And I wondered if  
Usagi had even a clue what she had just done to me. Or maybe she did  
it to me, the first time we met, and I just didn't know it then.

Well, I knew it now. I just didn't know where this was going next.  
But I was looking forward to finding out.


	16. Chapter 9: Part 7: The Masquerade Ball, and Usako

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan  
@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

 

CHAPTER 9: My Odango Atama (continued)

Part 7: The Masquerade Ball, and Usako

Tuxedo Kamen to Usagi:

"You're just who I wanted to see..." He places a pillow beside a  
pillar on the balcony outside, and rests her against it. He leans  
forward, and gently touches his lips to hers. He kisses her deeply.

Usagi:

"Oh... This feeling... So familiar... Sometime... Somewhere... So  
soft and warm... It's happened before... Those sweet lips..."

Luna:

"Get away from Usagi-chan! Tuxedo Kamen! What are you  
doing?"

[Mamoru comments here: "Now that, Luna, was a silly question!" ]

-from Sailor Moon Manga, Act 5

"SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY"

She walks in beauty, like the night  
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;  
And all that's best of dark and bright  
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:  
Thus mellowed to that tender light  
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,  
Had half impaired the nameless grace  
Which waves in every raven tress,  
Or softly lightens o'er her face;  
Where thoughts serenely sweet express  
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,  
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,  
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,  
But tell of days in goodness spent,  
A mind at peace with all below,  
A heart whose love is innocent!

-Byron

@))~~~))~~~~

It's a beautiful night to be alive...wonder what she's doing right  
now?

It's a pity that Tuxedo Kamen has a previous engagement tonight.  
There's a report that at the "D" Kingdom Embassy this evening, a  
large rare crystal will be unveiled. This just could be the break  
I've been waiting for. Maybe not. But I have to check it out.

SIGH. These formal balls are always so boring, nothing interesting  
ever happens. And I can definitely think of something I'd rather be  
doing.

As I rummage through my closet, the Princess in the painting seems to  
be watching me. And I think again, how much her eyes look. like  
Usagi's. Before, this really bothered me. Tsukino Usagi just  
doesn't fit my image of a Princess. Hmmmm...Princess of Wails,  
maybe. But I don't care. I don't care at all. Usagi has the most  
beautiful smile I've ever seen. And she's sweet and good-natured.  
And I intend to spend a lot more time with her...

Oh, stop fooling yourself, Mamoru. When are you going to ever get  
time to get to know Usagi better? Your mission, with whatever time  
you have free, is to find the Crystal. You don't get a normal life.

But I can still dream, though. Wouldn't it be nice, if Usagi WAS  
the Princess...Oh, Mamoru...you have got it BAD for that girl. I  
put on the mask, and shake my head at myself in the mirror. Now  
quit...fantasizing.

Well, here's to a boring night...with boring people, and I won't find  
the Crystal...again... I switch off the lights and lock up the  
apartment. I must be really ticked. Six roses in the dart board  
already, tonight...

@))~~~))~~~~

As I expected. A lot of people, dressed to kill, trying hard to  
impress each other. Mostly succeeding in looking uncomfortable as  
hell. And all these women, every last one of them dressed in black,  
because that's supposed to make them look slimmer. All looking  
around, nervously holding their drinks, and glancing at each other,  
when they think no one sees. Isn't anyone here to have fun,  
dammit? It's depressing.

Why do I get the feeling I've been to many such affairs, so many  
times that I can't remember them all? For a moment, I am wearing  
other clothes, and I can feel a sword at my hip, and I'm crossing  
another ballroom, looking for someone...someone very special.  
And then, suddenly comes the next fragment of memory... she's  
THERE, and life is about to become worthwhile again. She's  
THERE, just ahead of you in the crowd. You can't see her yet,  
but she's there. Keep walking. And then I realize I'm no longer  
re-living a small fragment of memory.

No...no...she is there, right now. And some sense in me is leading  
me to her. I'm going to see her, just around this corner. In front  
of the ladies' room. She's going to come around this corner, any  
second now. I feel a little dizzy, as out of breath as if I'd been  
running. And my heart is starting to pound.

@))~~~~))~~~

Well, I've managed to crash this "D" Kingdom Embassy ball  
successfully, Usagi thought to herself. My Dad may think I'm too  
young for this. But with Sailor Moon's transformation pen, I can  
manage to look a little older, a little different, and I can live my  
fantasy tonight...coming here in the most beautiful ball gown, and  
I can look like a fairy princess, if I want. Too much! Even my Dad  
isn't quite sure who I am. Me, but not me.

This is all right...I'll be able to do whatever Sailor Moon has to do  
tonight, but in the meantime...this is gonna be such a blast.  
There's only one thing would make this just perfect...if Tuxedo Kamen  
was here. I smile at myself. Tsukino Usagi, dreaming in  
technicolor as usual.

Darn it! That's what comes of daydreaming, Usagi. You weren't  
looking where you were going and...some woman has just spilled wine  
on this lovely skirt. Now why is it, whenever I'm wearing  
something absolutely perfect, I always manage to spill something on  
it? What am I, a spill magnet?

SIGH Better head for the ladies' room and try to mend the damage.  
I wonder if I have something in my pocket I could mop it up with.  
Hmmm...something fell out of my pocket, but I can't see it  
now...people are blocking my view. Wait...is that someone wearing  
white gloves, picking it up? Too late now. Can't see whoever it  
is. Now stop being so distracted, Usagi, or that stain's gonna sink  
in, with your luck. Keep going, head for that ladies' room...

@))~~~))~~~~

There she is, just behind yet another woman in a black dress. My  
Princess, she of my dreams, she in the painting, in a lovely white  
dress that seems to light up the room, only she doesn't seem to be in  
a mood to beckon me to do her bidding at the moment.

She's not even looking at me, her cheeks are flushed, she looks  
flustered, distracted, leaning over and tugging at her skirt. Now  
who does that flustered, embarrassed expression on her face remind me  
of? I had it a minute ago, but now it's gone. She floods my thoughts.  
I feel like time didn't exist before I saw her, this moment.

Now she's rummaging around, looking for something and still she  
doesn't see me. Now wouldn't you think she could feel my eyes on her  
by now, the way I'm staring at her? Oh, now, she's dropped  
something, a little white square of something. I dive for it.  
Finders keepers, Princess. You want it back, you'll have to look my  
way, just so I can have the honour of returning it to you.

On the other hand...do I WANT to give this back? I look at it more  
closely, in between sneaking looks at her...she's still rummaging in  
her pockets for something she hasn't found yet. Hey, heads up,  
Princess. I'm what you're looking for, I hope...if you'd only look  
this way...

Then I quickly turn my attention back to my little trophy. It's a  
handkerchief, I discover. Reading, neatly embroidered in black:  
Grade 8, Class 1, Tsukino Usagi.

NOOO! I just don't believe it! For a moment, I have to brace  
myself against the wall, because I feel a little dizzy. In a  
moment of wishful thinking, I had said to myself tonight that  
I wished that somehow Usagi could be the Princess I was seeking.  
But I didn't really believe it. My wishful thinking was all it had  
ever been. Can my wish have actually come true?

That girl. That annoying, wonderful girl, Odango Atama,  
Dumpling Head, the one who drives me crazy, the one I just can't  
stop thinking about, or worrying about. Bouncing along  
the street, never even looking at me, or knowing that I watch her.  
Sitting on that bus with that spooky black cat in her lap, a cat who  
seems to disapprove of me, dunno why?

She who, klutzy as she is, occupies all my waking thoughts.  
I wonder how long ago it was that she slipped into my heart, and  
there became its reigning Princess, even if I couldn't have imagined  
her as a real Princess before. I have no memory now of when  
frustration and annoyance at Usagi turned into a need to impress her,  
then to concern over her, and then, to the surprising knowledge  
that I had come to care for her.

And then, that in turn, became a wish that somehow, in finding  
her, my quest would be at an end, because I had found suddenly  
that I no longer had the heart for being Tuxedo Kamen any longer.  
All he joy and adventure I had felt in looking for the Guinzuishou,  
that elusive Silver Crystal, had suddenly evaporated. It all meant  
nothing, if my quest to find it, and the Princess, meant that I could  
not spend time with her.

And then another vision surfaces. Usagi, my beloved  
Dumpling Head, beaming at me, so her whole face glows.  
Bestowing a smile on me like a radiant beam of light, just because  
I helped her with her math. But now that I come to think of it,  
of course, that's whose face my beauty in the ball gown reminds me  
of! But how has she done this? It's Usagi, all right, but somehow,  
she looks different, so I wouldn't have been quite sure, without, I  
grin to myself, my little trophy here.

None of this makes any sense. I think maybe, this whole thing is  
Mamoru's wish fulfillment, I'm imagining all this, just dreaming. I  
clutch the handkerchief tightly, and put it away for later. It feels  
real enough. Well, if this is my dream, I have no intention of  
waking up now. So stay right there, Dream Girl.

Ahh, I see what she's doing. There's a faint pink stain at the  
bottom of her skirt, you can hardly notice it. That's why she's in  
front of the ladies' room. She's going to escape me into there, to  
clean up that little, tiny spill. Oh no, my lovely...no you don't.  
I've waited too long to see you. I'm not waiting even a fraction of a  
second longer. We are meeting. Right now.

Finally. Finally. Those lovely blue eyes are meeting mine. And  
suddenly, a vision clouds my sight. Just for a moment. It is her,  
holding my arm, looking up at me, joy in those eyes. I can feel the  
cool breeze, stirring my hair; we're walking in a courtyard. And  
vaguely, I can see some structure, a building, glittering in the  
sunlight...it seems to be made of crystal. She whispers in my ear,  
"I am so happy, so happy." Then the vision fades. But I know what  
it was. A premonition.

That little glimpse makes me quicken my steps, bridging the gap to  
her side just that little bit sooner. Wow, she looks mesmerized by  
the sight of me. I just have time to register that in my mind, and  
I have her hand in mine. "A beautiful princess...may I have this  
dance?" I hear myself saying.

@))~~~))~~~~

I don't remember much after that, except that we danced, and I was  
deliriously happy. Holding her hand tightly clasped in mine as we  
were dancing, I heard her say softly in my ear, "Oh, I've wanted to  
be with you!" and then she smiled at me so sweetly, I thought my  
heart was just going to burst.

I couldn't speak for a second, for all the emotions coursing through  
me in that moment of joy. But I did somehow find the presence of  
mind to say with a smile, "Me, too!", and then I slipped my fingers in  
between hers, so our fingers were interlaced. I wanted to say so, so  
much more to her, but the sight of her, so beautiful, in that dress,  
looking at me with such love in her eyes, made every word hopelessly  
inadequate. At my words, I saw Usagi blush happily in response,  
and I pulled her a little closer.

We danced like that, my fingers wrapped around hers, and my hand  
on her waist, feeling her so warm and close to me, for a few magical  
moments. It was probably longer than that, but that's all it felt like to me.  
As far as I was concerned, there was no one else in that vast ballroom,  
just my Dream Princess and me, and she was in my arms, at last.

Unfortunately, just then, I suddenly remembered, as I heard over the P. A.  
system that they would be unveiling the "D" Kingdom Crystal in 10  
minutes, the real reason Tuxedo Kamen was supposed to be here. How  
do I explain it to her? I can't, I realized. I'll have to slip away  
soon, and just try to catch her later. Why am I so sure I will find  
her again, when I need to? I don't know. I just ... am. Sorry,  
beautiful Usagi, Dream Princess. Duty calls. But I'll be back.

@))~~~))~~~~

Everyone stops dancing as they wait for the unveiling. "And now  
ladies and gentlemen..." intones the master-of-ceremonies, "tonight's  
main event! The unveiling of the magnificent treasure of the "D"  
Kingdom. This is your first, and only chance to see it!"

The plummy voice drones on and on like a tacky game show host.  
O.K., O.K. Enough with the promos, here. Let's cut to the chase,  
now. Is this treasure the Silver Crystal or not? Can we please get  
this over with? Cause if this is NOT the Crystal, there's a pretty  
lady in white waiting for me. And I don't intend to keep her waiting  
very long.

My patience, what's left of it, is wearing thin.

Suddenly, there is a collective intake of breath amongst the audience.

"Get out of my way!" I hear a female voice screech, as harsh in my  
ears as chalk squeaking on a blackboard. A young woman with short  
hair and glasses, wearing an obviously very expensive ball gown and a  
tiara appears on the run, clutching a small box. From the way she's  
dressed, this can't be anyone else but the very Princess "D" who  
holds the treasure...in that box, I presume?

Well, Princess, she may be. She sure doesn't hold a candle to my  
Princess. But why on earth is she screeching like that, and running  
off like a thief with that box? Then, as she passes by close to me,  
I feel the unmistakable emanations of Dark Kingdom energy coming  
from her.

I barely have time to take all this in, when Sailor Moon streaks by  
me, running after Princess "D". Now my eyes widen, and I take a  
quick pan around the room. No Usagi. If she was anywhere in the  
ballroom still, I would have found her. I know that now. And  
somehow, Usagi has subtly altered her appearance, which means she has  
some kind of powers to do that. I recall the day that, before my eyes,  
she transformed into that shapely airline stewardess, and climbed onto  
the bus, and suddenly, the light dawns. Powers...powers like Sailor Moon?

Mamoru, you baka! [idiot] You've been blind. Those odangos might have  
given you SOME clue, ne? So, Sailor Moon, I guess this means my next  
dance is with you. But it looks like the Dark Kingdom has cut in on  
us.

I run after Sailor Moon and the Princess out to the balcony. Startled women  
in long black dresses, men in tuxedos, all part before Tuxedo Kamen, cape flying,  
as he tears hell-for-leather after TWO Princesses, neither of whom is running  
very gracefully: a girl with long sailing golden ponytails, and long, long legs,  
[the only one with a short skirt in the ballroom, she is attracting more than  
her usual share of male stares, I notice, though SHE doesn't] and a dumpy  
little girl tripping over her very expensive evening gown, with a box clutched  
tightly in her arms.

To my horror, I see Princess "D" is about to jump off the edge of the  
balcony. Sailor Moon wrestles with her desperately, but the possessed  
Princess, with a strength borne of madness, throws her off.

Oh my God! Sailor Moon is going to fall...I've got to get to her.  
The crowd starts to mill in panic, confusion, and I'm sprinting a  
zig-zag course across the ballroom floor. No dancer could have done  
it better. I don't think I ever in my life ran so fast.

As I flash past Princess "D", who is still on the balcony, clutching  
her box, out of the corner of my eye, I see her expression. It is  
not the face of a young woman, but that of a small child. A naughty  
small child, who has run off with something she knows she's not  
supposed to play with, and she is feeling very pleased with herself.  
I don't even think she is aware of me looking at her, let alone that  
she may have just sent Sailor Moon falling to her death.

Oh, God, can I get there in time? I vault over the balcony railing  
with one hand, and plunge my other hand into space, reaching out  
for Sailor Moon desperately. Yes! I've got her, and as I feel the  
sudden drag on my arm, I know she's stopped falling, and I have  
time to be conscious of the blood pounding in my ears. I feel the  
warmth of her hand in mine, through the thin glove, thinking,  
I only just found you, only just knew you were the one...and I  
nearly lost you.

I feel so dizzy, and what is the pain I'm feeling now? Realization  
dawns then. The pain is shooting from my other arm, and I realize I  
must have jumped off the balcony after her, and now I'm hanging on to  
the railing with one hand. Oh God. My strength is starting to  
falter. If we don't get help soon, we're both going to fall to our  
deaths.

Sailor Moon looks up at me, terrified, as she realizes I'm starting  
to lose my grip. "Tuxedo Kamen, no!"

[Oh, great move, Mamoru. You really lost your head this time, just  
because you were so frightened for her. So now, you too are hanging  
from the balcony, and you're both going to die. Another impressive  
performance by Tuxedo Kamen. And it looks like it's my last one,  
too.]


	17. Chapter 9, Part 9: My Tipsy Little Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan  
@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

Subject: The Rose Garden, Chapter 9 [FANFIC]  
Part 9: My Tipsy Little Princess  
Date sent: Wed, 28 Jan 1998 18:30:00

CHAPTER 9: My Odango Atama ==========((=============((@

Part 8: My Tipsy Little Princess  
==========((============((@

I hear a female voice from the ballroom behind us yell, "Usagi-chan, the pen!" But I couldn't have heard a voice saying that, could I? I could swear, no one else was on that balcony, except the spaced-out Princess "D", and me. God, I must be dizzy, hallucinating. Nobody else knows Sailor Moon is Usagi, do they?

I am thinking this as I am falling, holding tight to Sailor Moon, hoping in vain that at least, I may cushion her fall. I hear someone yelling and realize it's me. But at the sound of the voice from the balcony, Sailor Moon is galvanized into action. I see her waving that video game-prize pen of hers in the air...and as I watch, fascinated, it lengthens and turns into..an umbrella!

And darned if she doesn't pull the Mary Poppins act, and we sail gently to earth, using the umbrella like a parachute. This girl is nothing if not creative in her ways of dealing with a situation. My hat is off to her. [Yes, it fell off when I took my dive off the balcony, naturally. But I got it back later...my lucky top hat.]

I grin at her. "Today, you saved me, and I thank you."

She shakes her head at me vigorously, refusing to accept my thanks. "No, Tuxedo Kamen. It's always you who saves ME," she says with a sweet smile.

If I had time to, I would certainly be blushing at this point. But there's still the little matter of Princess "D" and her Crystal I have to address first. So I dash off to find that OTHER Princess, the one possessed by the Dark Kingdom.

The evil Princess "D" is now standing in the middle of the ballroom, and I don't like the smile on her face at all. It does not exactly bode the warmth of human kindness towards her fellow man. As I look on, from behind the evil Princess "D", I can see a man materialize..a man with long red hair, wearing a military uniform.

Something cold touches my heart. I know this man from somewhere, and it is not a good memory. I see blackness, blackness surrounding him, like a sinister vacuum sucking out all the light in the room. The man begins to laugh, and his laughter is a heartless sound, echoing in the suddenly silent ballroom. A name for this man comes to me...a whisper from my dim clouded past that I cannot seem to touch...Nephrite, this man is.

People are collapsing, all over the room, as the darkness spreads out from Nephrite in an enveloping wave from above. I see Sailor Moon run towards one man who is sprawled out unconscious.

"Dad!" She calls out, horrified. She has no idea anyone else has heard her. There is a catch in her voice when she says "Dad", that sounds all at once very young and lonely, not at all like the resourceful girl in the sailor suit who, with such quick action, just saved us both.

Dad, huh...is that the reason for the disguise..so her father won't find out she came here? She made herself look a little older and more sophisticated, so she could come to the Embassy ball, undetected by her protective father. She just wanted to have her fun at the ball...that's not so very different from the reasons I started wearing this tuxedo disguise. So...we have more in common than I thought. Then, as I remember how beautiful how she looked in her white princess gown, another thought hits me. The way she looked tonight...is that the way she will look in a few years? I can hardly wait.

Now the other Senshi, Sailors Mercury and Mars, try to help Sailor Moon. Here is the indomitable Sailor Mars trying to take on Nephrite. "Evil spirit, begone!" she shouts, thrusting her arm out.

But Nephrite just laughs, a horrible empty sound. And Sailor Moon is obviously shaken and upset by what has happened to her father and the others, and unsure of what to do next. I can feel her pain in my own heart...yes, things are already like that for me. And I know I have to find a way to help her somehow.

Must focus..must find the answer, somewhere within myself. I shut my eyes just for a moment. And sure and true, the answer comes back from my inner voice: Light. Light to defeat darkness. Sailor Moon must use light. Only she has the power to do this.

With a quick leap, I land high on the balcony edge, where Sailor Moon can see me. "Sailor Moon! You must extinguish the darkness! You need a powerful light!"

Sailor Moon whirls to see me, her expression a mixture of relief and gratitude. "Tuxedo Kamen?" I can see she's taken in what I've said, though, and is trying to think of a way to put the idea into action. Now I hear the same female voice I heard before, somewhere in the crowd, shouting. "Usagi-chan! With your new tiara, you can reflect the light of the moon!"

The phantom voice strikes again, think I. The voice that seems to be coming from somewhere near ankle level. Oh, why do I keep hoping any of this will make sense to me at some point? Oh, never mind. Sailor Moon is going to do one of her speeches now. I like listening to those, almost, but not quite, as much as watching her throw that tiara.

Sailor Moon is standing in her trademark stance. "How could you possess this princess!" She calls out coldly to Nephrite. "I am Sailor Moon, and in the name of the moon, I'll punish you!" Then, touching her tiara, she shouts, "Moon Twilight Flash!"

Her golden tiara is suffused with the scintillating, blinding white light of the full moon, which is rising in a gleaming ball above the balcony. The moonlight, reflecting off her tiara, sends a moonbeam straight at Nephrite's floating image, and the surrounding blackness--destroying both, instantly.

Another magnificent performance, Sailor Moon, I think to myself...it's a pleasure to have the privilege of assisting you. One day soon, if I can only find the words, I'll find a way to tell you so. Instead of just always watching in silent admiration.

Princess "D" faints, but a moment later, gets up woozily...and her glasses fall off. For a moment, she stumbles around, looking for the dropped specs. [Hmmm. She's not so bad without the glasses...but still not a patch on Usagi]. Her face reflects all the bewilderment and insecurity of a very shy girl at a very public occasion, who can feel everyone's eyes on her. Now Princess "D" finds her glasses, which judging from their thickness, she needs badly. And then she finds the dropped box as well.

For a moment, I feel sorry for the hapless Princess "D". But then my thoughts flick back to Usagi, who isn't that confident all the time either..but it's never stopped her from trying. I love that spirit within her.

It's obvious Princess "D" won't be up to delivering her own speeches. So now we all have to listen to more fatuous hype from the Princess' assistant about her magnificent treasure, and how privileged we all are to view it. Oh, please, please, would you open that box, already...while the night is still young, before *my* Princess thinks I've forgotten her entirely?

It's a WHAT? A 2000 carat diamond? Well, that's obviously not the Illusion Silver Crystal. I don't know whether to laugh, or get angry. I could have DANCED all night, with my Fair Lady. Well, now to find her.

@))~~~))~~~~

Now where on earth has that girl got to? Really, was I gone that long? Well, I can't blame Usagi for not sticking around...it's not like I told her I was leaving, or whether I was even coming back. Could she be dancing with someone else now? I realize I don't like that thought at all. But I clamp down on those thoughts and ask myself, come on, you know her by now, surely. Now where would Tsukino Usagi most likely be?

Well, there are no video games here, so it can't be that. No manga for her to read either. And yes, she loves to dance, but she would wait for me, I think...wouldn't she, wouldn't she? Wait a minute...come to think of it, there's only one place left where Usagi would head for like a homing pigeon..the food, the food. Of course! Where else would she go?

And sure enough, there at the main serving table, there she is. Oh no, I don't believe it! Don't tell me Usagi's been into the party punch! Poor kid, I suppose she didn't have a clue how much alcohol that stuff was spiked with...I had a little sip earlier this evening, and wow! That's pretty potent stuff.

I shake my head ruefully. No more dancing for you tonight, little Princess. My God, that girl needs a keeper. Well, if that is the case, then let it be known that this position has been filled, as of now, by me. Chiba Mamoru, at your service, your official keeper. Hmmm. How can anyone that tipsy still look that gorgeous?

Whoa! She looks as if she's gonna pass out any minute. I better get over there fast. She starts to fall, and I pick her up in my arms. Her eyelids are half closed, and she looks up at me with a small, pleased smile on her face. A moment later, she is unconscious, and falling limp against me. Having her this close to me, I can feel my heart going like a triphammer. I need to get her to some fresh air, and maybe then she'll revive. As I head for the balcony, I snatch a cushion off a nearby chair and, placing the cushion against a pillar, gently set her down against the pillar.

Her eyelids flutter open and she smiles at me again. I whisper to her, "You're just who I wanted to see." Then I can't hold back any longer. Her lips are just too inviting. The world seems to fall away and disappear, and all I can feel is the joy of holding her at last.

Hmmm. She's not quite as tipsy as I thought, not from the way she's responding to me. I hear her sigh, utterly contented. She is clinging to me now like a drowning man to the life raft. And now that I have her safe in my arms, I have no intention of letting her go, either.

@))~~~))~~~~

Now what could spoil a moment like this? Funny you should ask. That darn cat.

"Get away from Usagi-chan!" shouts Luna, Sailor Moon's [and Usagi's] black cat.

Well, if I ever doubted she could talk, that's dispelled now. So that's the phantom voice that told Usagi to use her pen, the voice that seemed to be at ankle height. I should have known.

"Tuxedo Kamen, what are you doing?" I turn in disbelief at the tone in Luna's voice.

Now that, Luna, was one of the dumbest questions you have ever asked. What does it LOOK like I'm doing?

Her next question totally blows me away. "Why do you always show up where we are?" Luna demands to know.

I feel myself doing a slow burn. So, Miss Luna, and just where were you when your charge was almost passed out at the Embassy party? Just what would have happened to her if some guy who didn't have my honourable intentions found her in that condition? [Well, O.K., I admit that up until now, I've been enjoying every second of this, so maybe my intentions aren't entirely altruistic.]

But at least, I found her, and I took care of her, which you seem to think is *your* job. So now, with the fresh air, and a little TLC, she is starting to recover. And that's no thanks to you, Luna.

It's a good thing I'm wearing this mask, or Luna could see exactly how angry I am. But I control that...and I feel myself closing off emotionally....

There was a moment there when I might have told you all the truth, Luna. But that moment's gone. The old Mamoru of the orphanage days is here, angry, cold.... Why would I think for a moment anyone would trust me, or that I could trust anyone else? I should know better by now.

"It's because I, too, am searching for the Illusion Silver Crystal." I answer honestly. [And judging from the reception I just got, I guess I'll continue to be looking for it on my own. Because I don't have to explain myself to you, Luna, or to anyone else.].

And Luna is still wary and hostile, "Are you our enemy, or our friend?"

"Well, if we're both after the same thing, perhaps I'm your enemy." This is definitely my anger talking, and not unmixed with wounded pride...I protected Usagi from who-knows-what tonight, and this is all the thanks I get.

I look down at Usagi, one last, longing look. She looks so sweet and peaceful, lying there fast asleep now. Despite Luna's disapproving glare, I reach out to brush her hair away from her cheek, ever so gently. As I touch her for the last time, in my mind, I say to her, "You were mine tonight. You were mine. And not even Luna can take that away from me."

I sigh and straighten up, reluctantly letting my tipsy, but still beautiful Princess go. No use continuing, now that the furious feline chaperone has arrived. And maybe it would be fairer to wait until my sweet Usagi is more herself. The moment's spoiled now, anyway, I think, sadly.

But there'll be other times. And I think Tuxedo Kamen can find a way to evade Luna the duenna. If she chooses to view me as an enemy, that's fine. I can't be bothered to take the time to persuade her differently.

I turn on my heel, and fade into the night.

Goodnight, my dream Princess. I'll see you again, soon.


	18. CHAPTER 10: A Locket And A Handkerchief  Part 1: Reality Bites...After The Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan  
@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

 

CHAPTER 10: A Locket And A Handkerchief

Part 1: Reality Bites...After The Ball

That darn cat! It was almost a perfect evening, till I let that black cat cross my path. [Sigh.]  
Slowly, I disrobed in front of the mirror. First, the mask. I took it off, and a young man with deep,  
piercingly blue eyes stared back at me. He was somehow, subtly different. Now, why?  
My tuxedo shirt, as gleamingly white as ever, starched to within an inch of its life, looked the  
same. My black trousers, not a crease in them that I could detect. My dark cape, the bold red silk  
lining shone bright as ever. My lucky hat, on the couch already, was, maybe, a little the worse for  
wear after its tumble off the balcony, but it was nothing that a little cleaning wouldn't fix. My  
tuxedo still fitted me perfectly as ever...or did it? Wasn't there a little bulge, around the chest level,  
on the right hand side?

I frowned, a frown that Mamoru's classmates would have recognized. They would have smirked to  
each other, and whispered, just loud enough for me to hear, "Mamoru the perfectionist has spotted  
something wrong!"

In my mind, I sarcastically retorted, "And maybe if some of YOU cared a little more about things,  
you wouldn't have to worry about whether you're passing this year !" But I didn't say it aloud. That  
would be admitting that they'd gotten to me.

Suddenly it dawned on me what the mysterious bulge was, and the man in the mirror relaxed and  
smiled back at me, the unpleasant memory forgotten. I reached into the small concealed inner  
pocket of my tuxedo jacket, and brought out a small crumpled handkerchief. I stretched out its  
folds as tenderly as though it was a priceless heirloom. I read the black embroidered letters again:  
Grade 8, Class 1, Tsukino Usagi.

"As long as I have this handkerchief," I whispered to myself, "it WASN'T a dream this time...it  
wasn't a dream. You were with me, my Princess, my Usagi-chan, you were in my arms. Nothing,  
nothing can take that away from me."

I shut my eyes, and kissed the handkerchief. When I opened them again, the man in the mirror had  
a dreamy expression on his face that no one had ever seen before on serious Mamoru. Yes, I still  
looked different, I realized, even without a handkerchief to mar the perfect fit of my tuxedo.  
Mamoru would never look the same again.  
I continued to gaze at the crumpled handkerchief, and felt a smile creeping unbidden at the corners  
of my mouth again. Usagi, untidy Usagi, how typical of her to stuff the handkerchief any which  
way into her pocket, till it acquired a million wrinkles. I think I would have known the distinctive  
wrinkles anywhere, even without the stitched name. I stretched the handkerchief out on my desk,  
smoothing it gently with my fingers and carefully folding it into immaculate quarters, so that it  
would sit flat. Then I put it back, this time into the inner pocket of my green school jacket, hanging  
in my closet. Oh, what would she say if she knew? Would she ever believe I would wear  
something of hers, next to my heart?

After I took off the rest of the Tuxedo Kamen gear, I went out onto the balcony, still not ready for  
sleep. How wide awake I suddenly was, I thought, wondering, as I looked out at the stars. My  
eyes strayed higher, to a full, white moon. I smiled, and remembered my Moon Princess, and I no  
longer saw the night sky. I was back at the Masquerade Ball, and there was no small black feline  
chaperone to spoil my evening.

"Oh, I've wanted to be with you!" she cried, again, and her sky blue eyes were joyful. I drifted off,  
lost in memory.

I don't remember when I finally went to bed. But I do remember when I started to dream, and a  
part of me even knew I was dreaming. I was out on the wide balcony of the ballroom, bent over a  
tipsy, deliriously happy, Tsukino Usagi, who was returning my kisses fervently. Oh yes,  
yes...instant replay! And no darn cat in sight.

She looked up at me adoringly. "I'm so happy, I feel dizzy," she said softly. I felt dizzy too, drunk  
on her kisses, the feel of her in my arms, and the way she smiled at me. I felt high, exultant, and  
part of me wanted to laugh aloud for sheer joy.

Teasingly, I replied to her, "Of course, Usagi-chan, you feel dizzy-you must have had a snootful  
of that party punch! You think that disguise is gonna fool your Dad when you get home? One  
smell of your breath, and he's gonna skin you alive! And when you get the mother of all hangovers  
in the morning, how are you going to explain to Rei why you're too sick to go to the study  
session?"

I don't know whether it was what I said, or the mocking tone of my voice, or maybe both. All I  
know is that the smile suddenly died on her face. She reached up to my face. For a nanosecond, I  
thought she was going to touch my cheek in a caress. But then her hand moved higher, and she  
touched my mask. "Who ARE you?" she cried, a tremble in her voice.

Then the mask was off, and Tsukino Usagi was staring into my face. She looked horrified,  
dumbfounded.

"You! Chiba Mamoru!" Her tone was accusatory. And then, the tears started brimming in her  
eyes. "Dressed as Tuxedo Kamen! Oh, how could you be so MEAN!"

She scrambled to her feet, unsteadily, but the adrenaline lending her strength. I was frozen to the  
spot, like all nightmares, unable to move, unable to speak. But it was always thus with me. Tuxedo  
Kamen always knows what to say, even if it's only a haiku. Chiba Mamoru never knows what to  
say, and when he does, it's always, always the wrong thing.

I watched her run away from me, her ponytails flying out behind her, my heart sinking, my hands  
reaching out for her, only when she was too far away to see. She disappeared into the crowded  
ballroom. It burst from me then, a long, low wail of despair, that echoed into the ballroom.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

They all looked at me, coldly, at disturbing their evening, the elegant women and men attired in  
black, stared at the fool unmasked in the tuxedo. And that's when I woke up, drenched in  
perspiration.

She doesn't love YOU, baka. She never loved or wanted YOU, Chiba Mamoru. She wants the  
Mask, the Tuxedo Kamen. You don't need a Luna to tell you that you can never have her. If she  
ever finds out who you are, you'll never, never get close to her again.

Sitting up in the bed, my fists clenched the bedclothes so tightly it hurt. This was the truth that I  
had been avoiding all along. I stood up and looked in the mirror at the man with the dark blue  
eyes-he was a stranger to me. Surely, I did not know that downcast, lonely face. I stared like that  
for a long time, hoping against hope, that some way out of this dilemma would come to me. But  
my tired mind was blank.

"There are really only two choices," I reasoned to myself. "The first is that you stay away from  
Sailor Moon when you are Tuxedo Kamen, make sure she never gets close enough to you to guess  
who you really are." I sighed and looked at the man in the mirror, and knew he would rather be  
dead, than stay away from her.

"The second choice is, that if I am close to her, I'll have to try not to let her hear my voice.  
She must know my voice by now, and sooner or later, I'll give myself away, as I did in that dream.  
Can I stay close to her, but be silent? Well, what choice do I have? She means everything to me,  
even if she can't stand the person I am in real life. So Tuxedo Kamen will be silent."

I crawled back under the covers, shivering. Sleep would be a long time coming, this time.

==========((============((@


	19. CHAPTER 10: A Locket And A Handkerchief  Part 2: The Spectre Bride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan  
@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

 

CHAPTER 10: A Locket And A Handkerchief

Part 2: The Spectre Bride

Tea. Hot, steaming, green tea. Tea and sympathy. Yeah, that's what I need.  
And there she is, the picture of grace, every man's ideal priestess, her hand busy with the tea  
whisk, allowing me to collect my thoughts after my morning jog, before she tells me some news  
she's obviously bursting to tell me... Rei-chan.

Cripes, if Usagi had to do that, she'd probably dip her odangos in the tea cup and soak it up before  
I ever got to enjoy it. And can you imagine Usagi, preserving the traditional reverent silence that a  
Japanese well-bred lady should, while making tea, or anything else? I found myself starting to  
laugh, until I remembered again that she doesn't like me. And never will.

And that's why I had that awful nightmare. And that's why I feel like death warmed over this  
morning. Just as I have every morning this week, ever since I realized that Usagi is just my  
impossible dream. I should have known that dream princesses can't become real. I have been  
avoiding going anywhere that I know she hangs out, and, oh, it's killing me inside.

I know she spends a lot of time over at Rei's temple, but not this early in the morning. Rei, in one  
of her frequent, subtle digs about Usagi, pointed out that she, hard-working Rei, is up early every  
morning to tend the sacred fire and sweep the temple clean, and is never, never late for school.  
Usagi, on the other hand, sleeps through every alarm, arrives for school late, and sometimes even  
sleeps through the first class, much to Ms. Haruna's and Rei's disgust.

It was a lovely warm morning, so Rei opted to serve the tea outside on the terrace, where we could  
look down on the people and traffic scurrying past Sendai Hilltop. The cicadas were loud in the  
treetops surrounding us, but I could still hear the sounds of the street below. I found myself  
staring down and watching the people and cars, going by like so many blurs of bright colours.

I slowly sip the tea, and as I do, Rei can't hold back any more.

"You'll never guess who Usagi is hanging out with now!" she burbles.

My heart beats painfully at that opening. Oh, please don't say Motoki. Please don't say she's got  
another guy already. I'm doomed.

"She's started hanging around with the toughest girl in the school!" Rei exploded. "It's the  
unlikeliest friendship you can imagine! Everybody at my school and Usagi's school HATES her,  
cause she gets into fights all the time and keeps getting kicked out of every school she's in. You'd  
think that when she enrolled at Usagi's school, she would have been afraid, and avoided her. But  
here's Usagi, spending every lunch hour with her now. I hardly see her, and she's not coming to  
the study sessions as much...not that avoiding studying is anything new for Usagi, mind you. But if  
you'd have told me last week that this Kino Makoto would be Usagi's new best friend, I'd say you  
were insane. She has told me how they happened to meet, though."

"Makoto?" I frowned in surprise. "Isn't that usually a boy's name?"

Rei grinned. "You haven't seen this girl, Mamoru-san. She's like an Amazon. She can't even wear  
the school uniform, she's so tall, and even the boys are afraid of her!"

[NOTE: "Makoto" means "sincerity" in Japanese. In the Shinto religion, in which Rei is a  
priestess, one of the teachings is that all of humankind are the "Kami's" children, "Kami" meaning  
"nature deity." Shinto believers aspire to have "makoto", sincerity or true heart, which is regarded  
as the will of Kami. This is why many young boys in Japan are named "Makoto". While we're on  
the subject, I should mention that Shinto adherents sometimes wear "mamori", charms worn as an  
aid in healing and protection. From this same root word, meaning "protector, defender, guardian"  
comes my name, "Mamoru."]

She started to prattle on, and I stopped listening, staring into the coppery depths of the fragrant  
jasmine tea, which was a strong brew, the way I like it. She hadn't answered the question that was  
eating me alive.

Trying to control my inner anxiety, my eyes strayed my eyes strayed down to the street below, and  
there I saw a blonde haired girl* go by, followed by a white cat, with a bouncy, purposeful stride,  
hampered by very new shoes with very high heels that she obviously hadn't figured out how to  
walk in yet, and laden with shopping bags, with labels from Tokyo's trendiest boutiques. Looks like  
she has enough new clothes in those bags to provide a wardrobe for a fashion model, I thought,  
amused in spite of myself.

Her hair is almost like Usagi's, I thought, dreamily. But more of a deep golden colour, whereas  
Usagi's hair is so pale blonde, that especially in the moonlight, it can look silvery white. She looked  
like that, on the balcony the night of the Masquerade Ball, I remember. And this blonde haired girl  
has no odangos. It's just not the same without those flying odangos. Every girl should wear  
odangos.

By God, if she doesn't have a cat chaperone, too. White one, this one is, but can there be two cats  
with that crescent moon marking on the forehead? I wouldn't have thought so, but there it is, a  
quick gleam on his forehead, as he's bending down to look into a puddle. Why do cats always  
want to look at what's in puddles, I wonder?

That white cat has the weirdest meow I've ever heard. He has stopped dead behind the girl, is  
looking down into the puddle and back at the blonde haired girl, and lets out this loud cry,  
"Meeeeeeee-NAAAAHHH-KO!" He has just picked up something from the puddle. Something  
red and bedraggled. The girl has stopped and turned around, balancing tenuously on the new high  
heels to look at him. She runs back and grabs it from him. Ahhh, it's a hair ribbon. Must be nice,  
having a cat fetch your hair ribbons for you. I had thought only Usagi could be that oblivious,  
dropping stuff as she goes down the street, but I see I'm wrong.

"Mamoru-san! You're not listening to me!" Rei looked at me, her eyes narrowed a little bit,  
showing the beginnings of annoyance. I recognized the signs well. Rei, even when she is calm, is  
like a banked fire, waiting to flare up at the slightest perception of insult.

I raised my eyes from the intricately painted tea cup and looked her full in the eyes. "Gomen-ne,  
Rei-chan. You confused me for a moment there, and I'm so tired this morning, and having trouble  
concentrating. You see, for a moment there, I thought you were telling me that Usagi had a new  
boyfriend." [There, I sneaked in that opening. Hope it sounded like an innocent question.]

Rei's eyes widened into a stare, then she started to grin, and broke out laughing. "Usagi? Are you  
joking? No new guy for her. Just the same old, same old. She's got a terrible crush on that  
mysterious guy in the tuxedo who we keep seeing around town. She says he's so much classier  
than any of the guys around here. She just sighs, and acts all moony about him...Mamoru-san?"  
Her voice suddenly became sharp and alarmed.

"Hai?" My head snapped up at her tone.

"Will you PLEASE get that death grip off of my heirloom tea cup? It's the most delicate bone  
china, and it has been in my father's family for generations. The way you're holding it, it's going to  
snap like a twig!"

"Gomen nasai!" I let go of the tea cup as if it had suddenly become poisoned. So she's still  
dreaming about Tuxedo Kamen, who is so much classier...than me. Well, I don't have to break  
Rei's heirloom china over this, do I? I was suddenly ashamed. What must she think of me?

"Rei, I am SO sorry. I know, I'm terrible company today. Maybe I should go home. I have this  
awful headache, and I don't think I should really be out at all."

Rei's face changed, as she peered into my face more closely, and she looked concerned. "No, you  
probably should go home. You look very pale, Mamoru-san, and you don't look as if you've slept  
for days. I think maybe I should walk you home."

"Walk me home!" I spluttered indignantly. "What do you think I am, a helpless invalid?" [Girls!  
Why do they always fuss over me?]

"No, I don't think that. But I think you might feel better for the company. You don't need to talk,  
Mamoru-san. But I hope you don't mind if I do. Just give me a few minutes to clear up here and  
ask Yuuchirou to mind the shrine. I don't think you've met Kamuda Yuuchirou, have you? He's  
our new apprentice, training with my grandfather."

I watched as Rei called over a tall young man, dressed, like Rei, in a traditional robe, but this  
dignified effect was somewhat ruined by his stubbly beard and scraggly long thick light brown hair.  
I realized at that moment, that he had been hanging around the grounds sweeping for some time,  
and every now and then, looking up to glower at us.

We eyed each other warily, like two strange cats, I, who take pride in my appearance, and am  
never happier than when in a tuxedo and starched white collar, and he, Yuuchirou, who looked  
like an unmade bed. He might even be good looking for all I knew, but who could tell?

Rei told Yuuchirou her plans in a low voice. As she did, he looked me up and down with a dark,  
distinctly hostile appraising stare and then replied, "OK, but if you're not back in one hour, I'm  
coming back to collect you. You, Chiba-kun, don't you detain her! She has VERY IMPORTANT  
DUTIES here!"

[Hmmmm. I'll bet one of the duties she doesn't know about, is being a secret object of admiration  
to YOU, buddy. OK, I read you, not that I have any designs, other than friendship, on your  
precious Hino Rei, shrine maiden extraordinaire.] I let him see a male-to-male superior smirk, just  
for a malicious nanosecond, just to annoy him. Yeah, I know, that was spiteful of me, but I was in  
a really rotten mood at the time, as you well know, and spoiling to take it out on SOMEBODY.

Rei didn't see me smirk, nor the way that Yuuchirou visibly stiffened and glared back at me, then  
looked around nervously at Rei, the silent, pleading question all over his face, "You're not  
interested in that Chiba character, are you, Rei?"

Rei didn't see that look either. "Yuuchirou-san, I really must see Mamoru-san home. He isn't well,  
you know," and reproof was in her voice. "Ja ne!"

"Hai, Hino-san!" To my utter amazement, Yuuchirou instantly retreated from his aggressive  
stance, as if she had slapped him casually across the face, and hurried into the temple. [My God,  
he's got it bad for her, but he's so frightened of offending her, I wonder if he'll ever tell her. I  
shook my head in resignation, and went back to my own thoughts... Well, after all, I wasn't so  
brave about telling my feelings to the object of MY affections either, so who was I to point fingers  
at Yuuchirou?]

@))~~~))~~~~

We set off for my apartment building at a brisk pace. On the way, Rei told me how Usagi met the  
"tough" girl.

"Just Usagi acting out of it as usual, Mamoru-san. Crossed the street without looking, and she  
nearly got run over!"

I grabbed her arm. "Rei! She wasn't hurt, was she?"

She looked at me a little disdainfully. "Usagi, get hurt? Nah, she has all the luck. The tough girl  
saved her butt, that time...like someone always does. Usagi has a charmed life!" And she laughed,  
and told me the rest of the story, as we strolled along the street.

"At lunch hour, would you believe that Usagi nearly got hit in the head by a baseball, and this  
Makoto caught the ball neatly and hurled it back across the field, right into the pitcher's glove? It's  
like Usagi was walking in a daze the whole day. I think I know why, Mamoru-san."

Here Rei lowered her voice to a whisper. "Did you know she secretly went to this masquerade ball  
the night before?"

"Go on," I said encouragingly. [Please say she's so hopelessly in love that she isn't even aware of  
her surroundings!]

"Well, don't tell anybody, Mamoru-san., but she got SO DRUNK that night, that I think she had  
the most awful hangover all the next day. She isn't used to alcohol, you see." [Thank you, Rei.  
You just deflated my ego nicely there.]

"So, as I was saying, I asked Usagi, what is so special about this Makoto, other than that she seems  
to be at the right place at the right time to rescue you all the time? You know what she said,  
Mamoru-san?"

She paused for a moment for effect, and then, without waiting for me to answer, plunged ahead,  
chortling. "She says that she smells so good, that she's the greatest cook in Juuban District, and  
besides, she wears these really cool rose-shaped earrings all the time!"

"Rose-shaped earrings, huh?" [Sounds like a good reason to ME. ]

"What did I say that made you smile like that, Mamoru-san?" Rei looked at me in surprise at my  
sudden change of mood.

"Oh, nothing. Go on, Rei-chan. I'm starting to feel a little better. Tell me what else happened."

"It gets weirder," replied Rei. She was clearly enjoying herself now. "Usagi and her friends Naru  
and Makoto are set on checking out the wedding dresses at this new bridal shop downtown. I think  
they want to know if it's true that there's a spectre bride who comes out of the shop at night, and  
claims the souls of handsome young men for her own."

"A spectre bride?" Now I was intrigued. "One of those legendary ghosts who was widowed or  
spurned at the altar, and committed suicide, or was killed when she was about to be married, and  
so she haunts people now as a spectre bride?"

"I wouldn't know, Mamoru-san. But I get very clear vibes about things, and when I was meditating  
before the sacred fire early this morning, it told me there was evil to be found at that bridal shop,  
but whatever it was, it wasn't really a ghost."

@))~~~))~~~~

Whatever it was, it wasn't really a ghost... Rei's words echoed in my mind as I tried to snatch the  
sleep that had been evading me all week. What am I trying to prove, anyway? I love Usagi, and yet  
I'm staying away from her, because I am sure if she recognizes my voice as belonging to Tuxedo  
Kamen, she won't want to be with Tuxedo Kamen anymore. But staying away from her is  
infinitely worse, I now find. Here I am, pathetically hanging around her friends when she's not  
there, just so they'll talk to me about her, so I'll have news about her, so I won't worry about her,  
but I do, just the same. I worry she's met some other guy while I'm spinning my wheels. Which  
reminds me...Motoki.

I am talking about Furuhata Motoki, whose family run the Crown Game Center, the Crown Fruit  
Parlour, and a few other small businesses, all named "Crown." Motoki's mom laughingly told me  
one day, when I was working there, that she and her husband had called their first business, the  
video arcade, "Crown" because the English name was associated with royalty, so they thought the  
name would be lucky for business. They must have been on to something, because the Crown  
Game Center was such an immediate success with all the local kids, that it bankrolled their opening  
the Crown Fruit Parlour, which was a fruit market and cafe. They had since opened several other  
businesses, all called "Crown", and they were even thinking of making it a chain across Tokyo. All  
because Mr. And Mrs. Furuhata thought "Crown" would be a lucky name.

Sometimes I wonder if the name "Crown" resonated in my mind subconsciously, when I was first  
looking for part-time work after moving to Tokyo. Probably my mind  
went...Crown...Prince...Princess, and I am looking for a princess. Silly as that sounds, I bet that's  
why I ended up asking for a job there.

Though Motoki and I are very different personalities, perhaps for that very reason, we get along  
like a house on fire. All his other friends call him Furu-chan. I am the only one allowed to call him  
Motoki. He calls me the big brother he never had, and though we are both about the same age, he  
tells me jokingly that I am his older, more serious brother, who keeps him out of trouble. When he  
told me that, I said if he WAS my brother, I'd promptly disown him. He poked me playfully with  
his elbow and retorted that if I disowned him, then I couldn't keep showing up at the Game Center  
or the Fruit Parlour and guzzling free coffee whenever I needed a caffeine fix.

"OK, you got a point there," I grinned. Motoki knows all about me and my weakness for coffee  
and chocolate. When the Fruit Parlour gets a extra stock of chocolate treats, especially on holidays,  
and they don't sell it all, Motoki calls me over to pig out. If I'm studying at the time for an exam or  
a report, I pack up the laptop with me and work over there while munching, rationalizing to myself  
that I function much better with a steady supply of chocolate, anyway.

All this is by way of explaining to you why I was on such terms with Motoki, that when I awoke  
groggily and found it to be 10:30 PM, I knew I could call up Motoki and drop over to chat with  
him, AND get fed, after the family business was closed for the night. Motoki usually worked at the  
Game Center, but on this Saturday night, a staff member had called in sick at the Fruit Parlour. So  
Motoki was over there, filling in, since it was very busy in the summertime, and they needed  
experienced counter help in the cafe. His little sister, who was being trained to help in the family  
business, was at the Game Center tonight. I found that out when she answered the phone at the  
Game Center counter.

"So, how do you like working there?" I asked, making small talk.

"You REALLY wanna know?" she said, sounding a little peeved. "I HATE it. It's so busy, and all  
the girls, who are all dressed up like they're trolling for guys, keep coming up to the counter and  
whining, "'Where's Motoki? We want Motoki!' Mamoru-san, I didn't realize until they put me in  
tonight, that Motoki has a harem here-it's sickening!"

"Well, a guy can't help it if he's good looking," I replied. [I have some small experience in such  
matters.]

"Mamoru? PPPPPFFFFFFFFFFT!" I could hear her sticking out her tongue at me all the way  
down the line. "Oh, yeah, I forgot I was talking to Chiba Mamoru, the Death Star of Tokyo, fatally  
attractive to all women over the age of 3 and under the age of 90!"

"So what's wrong with the women older than 90?" I asked teasingly.

"Oh well, by then, their eyesight's starting to go." she shot back, and giggled. "So how come you're  
looking for Motoki, instead of practicing your charms on all those hapless women?"

"Oh, you know me. I'm still waiting for my princess to come...OR...for you to dump that 15 year  
old boyfriend of yours and consider an older guy like me!"

"An older guy like you?" she mimicked my voice. "Yeah, right, Mamoru, the 17 year old prodigy  
of Moto Azabu High. Just because they let you skip a couple of grades doesn't make you older,  
Mamoru-san! Even if my baka brother does lie to the girls about your age!"

"He does?" I cried, surprised.

"Oh yeah! It's his devious little scheme for keeping all his little harem to himself. The girls ask him,  
'Does that friend of yours, Mamoru, have a girlfriend?' And he says No, because they would  
quickly find out if he lied about that. But then he tells them, 'But really, he's a little too old for  
you-did you know he was actually 19 years old?' Trouble is, it doesn't work that well. Some of the  
younger girls like the idea of you being older. Thanks to Motoki, everyone thinks you're 19, and  
because you're at a level with guys that age in school, the story's more believable."

I shook my head in wonder, "That Motoki, he's something else. But remember, my heart still beats  
for you. Marry me, then your father will let me take over the business, and together, we can rule  
the Crown Empire!" [This has been a running joke between us for a more than a year now, since  
she was 12. She likes insulting me and I tease her right back.]

She snickered.

"Oh, and I'll keep on your baka brother too, who has no head for business. I'll make Motoki the  
Vice-President in charge of Flirtation!"

She was roaring with laughter by this time. "No way, Mamoru-then I'd be fending off YOUR  
harem for the rest of my life! But thanks for calling, anyway. You cheered me up a lot." I laughed  
and said goodbye.

@))~~~))~~~~

After ringing 20 times, I finally got Motoki to pick up the phone at the Crown Fruit Parlour.

"Moshi moshi, Crown Fruit Parlour, Furuhata speaking."

Mimicking the gruff voice of an angry customer, I intoned, "You call THAT customer service,  
young man? Answering the line after 20 rings?"

He recognized my voice and started laughing. "Have a heart, Mamoru! You know how busy this  
place is on Saturday night, especially in this heat wave. I've been making two million fruit yogurt  
shakes for the waiting customers. So, what can I do for you?"

"Oh, I'd just like to drop by after midnight, after you close up. You feed me, and I help you with  
that science project you keep complaining about." I told him.

"Well, I'm pretty beat, but if you'll take whatever's left over, sure-come on over."

I was tucking into a steaming cup of ramen noodles, and slurping down a chocolate banana yogurt  
shake [strange combination, I know, but that was what was leftover at the Crown Fruit Parlour that  
night], while Motoki filled me in on his week's activities.

"Usagi brought over a new friend to the Game Center this week," he began.

"Oh?" I feigned ignorance.

Motoki, with hardly a breath to pause, warmed to his subject, gesturing with his hands in  
enthusiasm."Her name is Makoto. She must be the tallest girl I've ever seen, with lush brown hair  
in a ponytail. You should see her, Mamoru, she's like a..."

"Like an Amazon?" I finished the sentence for him.

"Yeah, how did you know?" He looked at me, bewildered.

I grinned. "Must be my famous psychic powers. The stars don't know everything, but *I* do!"

"And oh man, is she BUILT, Mamoru!" Motoki cupped two hands in the air for emphasis.

I looked at him narrowly. "Is THAT all you can ever think about, Motoki?"

He grinned, unrepentant. "Well no, sometimes I think about the other parts of their bodies, too."

"Good thing your girlfriend can't hear you talk like this, Motoki," I replied, in gentle reproof.

Motoki sighed. "What am I supposed to be, a monk, while she's away studying all the time?  
Anyway...," and here Motoki winked at me, "flirting with the customers is good for business. Even  
my father admits that. It figures, doesn't it, with all those giggling girls in the game center every  
week, that the one I fall for is this totally serious, studious type, the type who would never be  
bothered talking me up. In fact, she's as serious as you are, Mamoru."

I smiled a small secret smile."I'm not quite as serious as you think. I have my own way of having  
fun."

"Hmmmph, you, having fun? Never. Unless you call it *fun* to care for your little conservatory.  
When the girls ask if you have a girlfriend, I tell them that the love of your life is named 'Crimson  
Beauty.' They get really angry when they find out that's the name of a breed of red rose." Motoki  
snickered.

I cocked an amused eyebrow at him, and he had the grace to blush, a little. "You, Motoki, are  
incorrigible. But believe me, I have other ways to have fun too...you'd be surprised." My eyes  
looked out then to the darkened street, to the streetlights and rooftops, watching the wind rustle  
stealthily through the trees. I felt the restless blood rise in me. It seemed like a good night for  
Tuxedo Kamen to prowl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *You know who that golden haired girl with the white cat and all the clothes she's bought from trendy boutiques must be, don't you? It's Minako Ano, a.k.a. Sailor V, a.k.a. Sailor Venus! And the cat, of course, is Artemis ;-)


	20. Chapter 10: A Locket And A Handkerchief Part 3: Motoki Meets "Mako-chan"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan  
@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

CHAPTER 10: A Locket And A Handkerchief

Part 3: Motoki Meets "Mako-chan"

A cold wind blew across the empty square, and over the darkened fountain where in the sunlight,  
I'd often sit and study. It ruffled my hair stealthily and made my cape unfurl and flap like a sail. I  
caught the corners and pulled it in. Can't afford to have anyone seeing, or hearing me right now.

I looked out from across the rooftop where I was crouched, looking down on the bridal shop, on  
the other side of the square.

It looked innocent enough now, but that meant nothing where the Dark Kingdom was concerned.  
Now, in the empty waiting darkness, Motoki's words floated back to me. Have you ever listened to  
something and willed yourself not to react then, but to stay calm and show no emotion, only to  
have it sucker-punch you in the stomach, later, when you remember it? That was what was  
happening to me now.

Motoki's voice, cheerful and animated, floated out in my thoughts and seemed to brighten the  
darkened square with his good humoured observations of what had gone on at the Crown Game  
Center that day. "Did you know that Usagi calls me 'Onii-san'? I think that's so cute. But then,  
she's a cute little chick."

A cute little chick, huh? GRRRRRRRR. How I stayed silent when he talked about her like that, I  
don't know. But I held my hands still, and reminded myself that he flirted with all the girls, not just  
Usagi.

"Anyway, so in she comes with the Amazon, as I was saying, this long tall babe with a brown and  
white uniform. So of course, I assumed she was from a different school, but then this Makoto  
blushes a little, and told me she'd just transferred to Juuban Junior High, in Grade 8, just like  
Usagi, but that they didn't have any uniforms in her size. So then I introduced myself, and Usagi  
pipes up, 'Oh Onii-san, I didn't know your nickname was Furu-chan, what a cute name!' She's so  
bubbly, isn't she? And then just like that, she says, 'So... Makoto-san should be... Mako-chan! The  
good cook, strong Mako-chan!' Usagi's so trusting, isn't she? Know her one day and you're her  
best friend, just like that."

I sighed at that, and said quietly, "Not always." She gives everyone else a nickname, but not me. I  
stay Mamoru-san, and she gives me the deep freeze.

"Then Usagi starts bubbling away to her other friend, little Ami, the shy one, about how Makoto  
has the most delicious onigiri she'd ever tasted. Makoto stops in the middle of the video game  
she's playing, to turn around, and quip how Usagi had claimed to be just a light eater, and then  
hardly left anything of Makoto's lunch for her to finish. Ami giggled at that, and Usagi looked  
embarrassed."

"That Makoto is really a video game whiz, Mamoru. I was gonna use my usual gambit, you know,  
lean over her shoulders and pretend to *help* her with her game while touching her. But I couldn't  
do that for long. She plays a game once and she's on to it. Used to be there were mostly guys  
playing in the Game Center, but with girl players like Makoto, I bet there'll be a lot more girls  
coming to the Crown."

I started to laugh. "Are you going to give me a point-by-point bulletin of everything Usagi and her  
friends do? Anybody would think you're interested in her, " As I mentioned that, oh-so-casually, I  
watched his face narrowly for a reaction.

"Not that way, she doesn't interest me," Motoki shook his head vigorously in denial. "You know  
what I always say, Mamoru? Whatever's good for business. And Usagi and her friends are VERY  
good for business-she brings them all with her, sooner or later, to the Crown Game Center.  
Usagi's my second best female customer."

"Second best female customer? Who's your best female customer then?" I asked, intrigued in spite  
of myself.

"You haven't met her, " Motoki replied. "And you're not going to, either," he said, with a wicked  
grin. "You don't need any additions to your female fan club, Mamoru. I'm keeping the little blonde  
with the legs that go on and on, all to myself, understand? Best scenery around the place, up until  
Makoto showed up, that is. She was the first girl who ever started coming into the Game Center  
regularly. All the guys used to stare at her, but she just ignored them. She even gave me a new  
video game, the Sailor V game, that draws the girls here to play by the dozen. Nope, she's my  
find. I don't even mind that she brings her little white cat with her. She's the best thing that ever  
happened to the Crown Game Center."

"That does it! I'm calling your girlfriend, Reika-san, right now!" I teased him. "You're seriously out  
of hand. I'm going to tell her to come home right away! Really, you should settle down and get  
married, Motoki. Maybe that would stop your roving eye, not that I think anything could, " I  
grinned.

Motoki winced, "What, and have to wear one of those monkey suits and a white carnation? Not on  
your life! I heard Usagi and Naru and the others, in the Game Center the day before, going on and  
on about that new bridal shop, about how they all wanted to be brides, and wear a beautiful long  
white dress, and ropes of pearls and diamonds-ICCCCCKK!"

"Monkey suit? What are you calling a monkey suit?" I was irritated.

"A tuxedo. Monkey suits, my father calls them. He tells my mother she might have got him into  
one of those for their wedding, but never, never again! What, do you LIKE wearing tuxedos, or  
something?"

I started to reply, and then bit my tongue. Ahhh, the things Motoki doesn't know!

Privately, I wondered to myself if this blonde "find" of Motoki's with the white cat might have  
been the same long-legged girl I'd seen that morning, walking awkwardly in the new high heels,  
leaving behind her red hair ribbon in a puddle. If so, I had a feeling she was probably the best  
thing that ever happened to half the fashion boutiques in town, too. Video games were probably  
not the only thing she had a "yen" [$$$] for.

But I said nothing about my speculations to Motoki. It amused me to let him gloat, for the time  
being, that there was actually one "looker" he had seen that I hadn't. It was a little game we both  
played, and I didn't mind letting Motoki believe that at the moment, he was ahead of me. His lead  
wouldn't last for long. Except...except for Usagi. Here, her "Onii-san" Motoki had me beat, well  
and truly, I thought sadly.

Motoki was still expounding on his favourite subject, girls, girls, girls. "But Mamoru, I gotta admit,  
the girls just love to see guys in tuxedos. I hate them, they're so uncomfortable. But for Reika,  
maybe, I would wear one, once. And maybe, just maybe, for Makoto,"

Motoki stared off into space then, suddenly, uncharacteristically silent. He had become almost as  
wistful as I was now feeling, still thinking about the girl who only loved to see me when I was in a  
tuxedo...and a mask.

@))~~~))~~~~

I don't know why I always have these kinds of dark reflections when I'm in my Tuxedo Kamen  
guise, skulking in the shadows, waiting for something to happen. That's when my thoughts seem to  
roam in ever-depressing circles about the things that have happened, and I feel as if things are  
hopeless. But a gust of cold wind, stronger this time, nearly whipping my top hat off, seemed to  
clear my head and bring me back to reality. If anyone was in danger from the roving eye of  
Motoki, I reminded myself, it was Makoto, not Usagi. Maybe I still had a chance, since her  
"Onii-san" was mainly interested in all the business she brought him.

For a moment, I then found my thoughts focussing again on the blonde girl Motoki had mentioned  
who was his best customer. I felt a sudden dark chill of premonition, colder than the night wind,  
running through my veins. I had the strangest feeling, all at once, that when I would next meet the  
mysterious blonde with her white cat, something very bad was going to happen, and that it was  
somehow connected with the Dark Kingdom.

But musing about the Dark Kingdom's plans reminded me that I had already sensed Dark  
Kingdom activity right here, at the bridal shop, and that I couldn't afford to be distracted from my  
watch, even for a moment.

I looked at the mannequin in the window over the shop, her shimmering white wedding dress  
gleaming in the moonlight. Wait a minute...was that a trick of the light, or were the mannequin's  
eyes staring back at me? Why did the smile on the mannequin's face give me the chills? I shook  
my head, trying to clear it of those irrational thoughts. Mamoru, this is what comes of wandering  
around the streets at night, alone. You start hallucinating. Now stop it! Tuxedo Kamen will need a  
clear head, not these fantasies.

@))~~~))~~~~

A girlish voice from below me spoke in an awed whisper. "That's the haunted bridal shop. I heard  
that a ghost in a wedding dress appears there each night. See that mannequin? They say she  
wanders around the shop at night and takes any man who is nearby. And anyone who buys a  
wedding dress there is cursed."

The other girl nodded, wide-eyed, and replied, "Yeah, I hear some guy in Class 1 saw the spectre  
bride there last night."

At the words, "Class 1", quite without thinking, my white gloved hand flew to my hidden inner  
breast pocket, to touch the handkerchief nestling, carefully folded there. In my mind, I saw the  
embroidered words in black again: "Tsukino Usagi, Grade 8, Class 1." I looked around quickly and  
saw two girls wearing the distinctive uniform of Usagi's school, peering at the bride mannequin, its  
white gown glittering ominously in the gloom. They looked scared, but they also looked like they  
were enjoying being scared.

I frowned [If Usagi were here, she'd say it was a typical Mamoru scowl, but I prefer to call it  
frowning.]. I didn't like it. Too many of the kids were not taking the recent strange happenings in  
Juuban District seriously, but as some kind of cheap thrill.

And that's what the Dark Kingdom's counting on, I suddenly realized. They were counting on  
curiosity overcoming fear and common sense, which would tell these young kids to avoid being  
out so late, in a place rumoured to be haunted.

Curiosity killed the cat, the old saying goes. But at the moment, I would have been grateful even to  
see that darn cat, Luna, as long as her odangoed mistress was along. Usagi, in her guise as Sailor  
Moon, had so far been a very welcome ally in my battles against the Dark Kingdom. Maybe we  
were after the same thing, the Illusion Silver Crystal, but still, two heads were better than one, and  
I'd rather have her on my side than fighting me. Maybe, we could work out what to do when we  
found the Crystal, once we finally found it.

Ahhh, who are you fooling, Mamoru? You tell yourself that you need Sailor Moon as an ally, so  
you refuse to think of her as a potential rival for the Illusion Silver Crystal. But what you're really  
doing, is trying to rationalize to yourself some good excuse for seeing Usagi again. That, plus I'm  
cold and I'm tired, and admit to yourself, Mamoru, tired of being alone, tired of fighting the Dark  
Kingdom alone.

In my mind's eye, I travelled back in memory to the day I saw her again for the first time, Sailor  
Moon in her fuku. I held her in the fog and helped her land her Sailor Kick attack. What a team  
we would make, I thought, wistfully. If only...if only...

@))~~~))~~~~

Again, my reverie was disturbed by a voice from down below, this time a masculine voice, and one  
that I recognized as belonging to the evening supervisor at the Crown Fruit Parlour.

"You really worked hard tonight, Furu-chan good work. Ja ne!" came his cheery voice, and then I  
saw a light from the back door as he let Motoki out.

"Thank you. Goodnight!" came Motoki's reply, and then I heard his footsteps heading down the  
alleyway next to the bridal shop. I almost called down to Motoki, but then I remembered that  
Motoki had no idea that his friend was the same Tuxedo Kamen who was potentially stealing some  
of his "harem", and stayed in my hiding place in the shadows of the rooftop.

Motoki's footsteps died away in the distance. It must have been only seconds after that, that I  
became aware that the temperature had dropped drastically. A chill gust of wind whipped into my  
face, stinging my skin. It was as if fall had turned to the depths of winter in an instant-the chill  
seemed to go right to the bone. I pulled my tuxedo collar up around my neck and in doing so,  
touched the silver medallion just under my white bow tie. I shuddered it felt like a block of ice. If I  
have to stay out on another night like this, I thought, I'll have to start wearing thermal underwear  
under my tux!

If I'd taken time to think about it, I would have found such sudden bitter cold at this time of year to  
be unusual, at least. But I was getting really tired, and not thinking much at all. I looked again at  
the bridal shop, studied the bridal mannequin, still sitting motionless in the centre display window  
over the ornate, baroque style domed door, and I sighed, frustrated.

You're just freezing out here for nothing, I grumbled to myself. Nothing's happening. No reason  
for Tuxedo Kamen to be on the prowl. So why not drop into that corner bookstore that's open 24  
hours and get a hot coffee and something to read? Then you can get warm, get re-charged, and  
then take the book home to read till you fall asleep.

@))~~~))~~~~

In the darkness, the mannequin's eyes sparkled, and she seemed to smile in a secretive way, now  
that she was no longer under observation by the man in the cape and mask. Her veil and long train  
lifted slightly, like feathers rising in a slight breeze. Then the spectre bride floated down from the  
shop window to the ground. She stopped for a moment, smiling knowingly, to smooth her veil and  
a few stray tendrils with long tapered fingers. Then she strolled in a leisurely fashion towards the  
deeper shadows of the alleyway, bouquet in hand, white high heels clicking.

Motoki blinked, not believing what he was seeing. From around the corner of the alleyway, a long,  
slim white gloved arm slid up the stone wall, the fingers almost caressing the cold stone. A pair of  
high heels tapped, and there was the rustling sounds of taffeta, silk and lace, as the lady in white  
came into view, her eyes filled with a thousand silent enticing promises.

"It can't be! A bride?" Motoki cried.

The spectre bride's voice floated back eerily through the alleyway. "Yes, Motoki, I am your bride.  
Now, show me your devotion, my chosen one. Look into my eyes. All men are my slaves, slaves  
to my beauty, and you will be too. Yes, devote all your ENERGY...to me!" Her evil chuckle  
echoed into the street.

@))~~~))~~~~

On another nearby street, a tall girl headed towards a soft drink vending machine, her brown  
ponytail bobbing as she crossed the intersection with long, purposeful strides. Retrieving a can  
from the machine, she leaned back against the machine and stared off into the distance, to where  
she could just make out the bridal shop sign glowing in the darkness.

She muttered to herself. "Life is so complicated. People are so complicated. And men, they're the  
most complicated of all! It makes my head ache, trying to puzzle it all out. I don't understand that  
Rei when she says she doesn't trust men, that only a stupid man would be enticed by a bride in a  
shop. Even if Usagi says that shop IS cursed, I'd love to wear that wedding dress in the window.  
How can anybody really know if it's cursed? If only it were that easy, to know who or what to  
trust, who to love. Me, I think that brides are so lucky, to have found someone they can love and  
trust." She sighed then. "If only I could be a bride!"

She sighed again. "Geez, it's gotten late. I'd better be getting home."

At that moment, Motoki, stepped out of the alleyway, his eyes glittering strangely. "Hey,  
Mako-chan! I've been waiting for you."

"Me?" the girl responded, stunned.

Cupping her chin in both hands, he raised her face to his, as if about to kiss her. "Look into my  
eyes," he insisted. "I love you..."

@))~~~))~~~~

It didn't take me long to for me to leap down from the rooftop, change back into the green blazer  
and black turtleneck, and then to stow the precious handkerchief safely into the inner pocket of the  
jacket. I was soon on my way to where the bright neon lights of my favourite late night corner  
bookstore beckoned me. My mind must have been making plans without my being aware of it, for  
I found myself staring at the shelf marked, "Parapsychology," without even knowing how I had got  
there. In that section, there were quite a lot of books by Aiko Gibo, the foremost psychic in Japan.  
The store had a big feature on her latest book at the time, "Finding your Guardian Spirit: The  
Secrets Of Life After Death." I picked up a few of Ms. Gibo's books to skim through, ordered  
myself an extra large cafe mocha (that combination of coffee and chocolate flavours is irresistible  
to me) and sat down in the cafe‚ section to peruse them at my leisure. Finally, I found a book by  
Gibo, the great lady ghost hunter, that seemed to have the information I was looking for. I gulped  
down the rest of the cafe‚ mocha, feeling it warm me to my toes, and went to the checkout counter  
to pay for the book.

The book was so engrossing, I couldn't wait till I got home to read it. I decided to take advantage  
of the overhead lamplight to take another glance at it, as I walked down the street. But what I read  
in one section of Aiko Gibo's book made me stop in my tracks: she mentioned that one sure sign  
that a ghostly apparition was present, was a sudden drop in temperature, a feeling of a deep chill in  
your body. Reading this sent me rushing back in the direction of the bridal shop, hoping I was not  
too late.

As I got within sight of the ornate Victorian building housing the bridal shop, I heard a strangled  
cry of pain. There, near the back of the bridal shop, stood Motoki, his eyes strangely glazed, and  
with arms outstretched, both hands seeming to caress the cheeks of a tall girl with a brown ponytail  
who could only be described as an Amazon. For a moment I just stood there, gaping. Then I  
realized that Motoki was drawing energy from the girl, and that despite the girl's obvious strength  
and resistance, she was weakening. If the Dark Kingdom had managed to claim her AND my  
friend Motoki, this spectre bride must be a powerful daimon.

I needed help, and I knew it. I had no choice now. I had to find her, find Sailor Moon and bring  
her here. I hope she's home by now, because if she is, thanks to my discovery of her identity at the  
Masquerade Ball, I know where she lives. But I mustn't let her hear my voice. If she knows that  
Tuxedo Kamen is Mamoru, she may not want to come with me. So I must stay silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, e-mail from our fans is the only *pay* we fanfic authors receive for our hours of effort. I'd appreciate it very much if you mentioned what country and city you live in when you write me, because I find it fascinating to see how there are Sailor Moon fans all over the world. Sometimes I can tell what country you're from by your e-mail address, but not if you use a .com, a .net or an aol or hotmail addy! Many people are under the false impression that the only big fans of the series are in places like Toronto,Canada, where I live, or the big cities in the United States. The people at DiC who have dubbed Sailor Moon into English also seem to think most people watching are girls under 10 years old. Let's show them how very wrong they are! So please drop me an electronic line, tell me a little about yourself, and your interests in Sailor Moon, and whether you watch other anime. All of you are roses in MY garden, and I like to *see* your colours.  
> I love the stories my fans e-mail me!: The public library Net servers where the library printer has gotten quite a workout, printing out my fanfics to take home [those poor, long-suffering librarians!]. The people who have shared copies of my fanfics with friends who don't have Net access, in places all over the United States and Canada, and places around the world, in Mexico, Venezuela, Germany, Singapore and Malaysia. In Germany, two of my fanfics [this one and Usagi's Dark Day At The Dentist] were translated into German, by a fan, Helena Lichtmess, for the Sailor Moon Online Club web site in Germany, which officially makes me an international author. I hear my fanfics are even shared at church youth groups! The enterprising souls who have done high school book reports on my fanfics. Both of them got A's from their teachers, after printing it out for them, and I hear the teachers liked the stories too! Mind you, it helps if you're Sailor Spell-Check, and know how to use proper spelling and grammar. I gather I've made some English teachers happy, which is something Sailor Spell-Check likes to do /(^_-)\ Please keep those stories coming!  
> Final note:* The title "The Rose Garden" in relation to Sailor Moon, and the fan fiction of this  
> title, is legally the intellectual property and copyright of Pandora Diane MacMillan. If you wish to quote  
> from it, use the title for a Sailor Moon-related web page, post the fanfic on your web site, or otherwise publish  
> it, please first ask permission of the author, by e-mailing pandora-sama at rogers dot com .  
> A couple of people have used the title of my fanfic as a title for their Mamoru web pages, without  
> either asking me first, or crediting me for that title. If you just want to use the title "The Rose Garden" on  
> a site devoted to Tuxedo Kamen/Tuxedo Mask, the proper and polite thing to do is to give me credit as  
> the author of that title, and provide a link to the fan fiction of that title, or to my e-mail address. If you  
> don't, you are not only being unfair to me, but you are also doing a disservice to my fans, who come  
> looking for my fan fiction with a search engine, and come away disappointed when they see the title on your  
> site, and think it's my fanfic there.


	21. Chapter 10: A Locket And A Handkerchief: Part 4: Tuxedo ... Moon?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan  
@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

 

CHAPTER 10: A Locket And A Handkerchief

Part 4: Tuxedo...Moon?

Juliet: By whose direction foundst thou out this place?  
Romeo: By love, that did first prompt me to enquire,  
He lent me counsel, and I lent him eyes.  
I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far  
As that vast shore washed with the farthest sea,  
I should adventure for such merchandise.

-Romeo And Juliet, Act 2, Scene 2, William Shakespeare

It's a wonder Usagi's parents couldn't hear me scrambling up the wall of her house, because  
tonight, I was far more intent on speed than being silent. Yet, I had made it to her bedroom  
window sill without waking anyone up, not even the black furry duenna, who appeared to be  
having a cat nap at the foot of her mistress' flowered coverlet. I opened the casement window  
softly and gazed on Odango in lace-trimmed pyjamas, curled up on her side, deep in Dreamland.

The crescent moon shone brightly through the now open window onto its sleeping princess. God,  
she was beautiful like that. I bent to one knee to climb in and gently shake her awake, but a gust of  
wind hurled my cape into the air at that moment. The stealthy rustling sound was enough to arouse  
Usagi.

Her wide sky-blue eyes stared at me. "Tuxedo Kamen? This MUST be a dream!"

Quickly, I motioned to Usagi to follow me, then jumped down to her front garden gate, where I  
gestured urgently for her to come. Though looking a little stunned, Usagi scrambled out of bed and  
came running down the stairs and out into the garden after me, still in her pyjamas. I stole a look  
behind me to make sure she was still following, only to meet the indignant gaze of a black feline  
form, paws dangling from the window sill, and a baleful cat gaze, directed down at me. Yes, Luna,  
the evil Tuxedo Kamen is leading your innocent charge astray again. Ah, I see she's taken out her  
communicator to report this cat-astrophe to the others.

I ran down the back alleys, Usagi pounding after me.

Behind me, I heard her calling, "Tuxedo Kamen? What's wrong? Where are you taking me?"

After a while, the sheer absurdity of the situation dawned on me, of having Usagi chasing ME, still  
in her pyjamas. On the other hand, I thought, isn't it refreshing to have the White Rabbit being the  
one to chase the Mad Hatter, for a change? Though we couldn't really call it a Tea Party--where we were  
going to this time was more like a Dark Kingdom Wedding Reception [grin].

I heard Usagi puffing behind me and then, a high, plaintive wail, "Why won't you TALK to me?"

It was hard to keep silent then, but I'd made a resolve not to let her hear 'Mamoru's' voice, and I  
was sticking to it. So I kept weaving in and out, taking all the shortcuts I knew, till we got near the  
bridal shop.

I hardly needed to be told when we were getting closer to the haunted shop. An eerie luminous  
glow of energy surrounded the building, its epicentre brightest around Motoki and Makoto, who  
seemed locked in a strange unearthly embrace, as unmoving as mannequins themselves.

Usagi gasped as she saw them. "O-nii-san! Mako-chan! What's that light?"

The ghostly form of the bride mannequin stood smiling, just behind the motionless pair. "Yes, my  
pretty young ones, just a little more energy...just a little more, and you too, will become the perfect  
bride and groom, just as you've always dreamed you would be. In fact, you will celebrate your  
wedding forever...as store mannequins!" Her laughter floated down the alleyway, in eerie echoes.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Luna, with Usagi's friends Ami and Rei, bounding towards us.  
Usagi saw them too. "It's a youma, Luna! We've got to save Motoki and Mako-chan!"

Then I saw Usagi take out that crystal pen I'd seen her use before, when she somehow became an  
airline stewardess. There was a blinding flash of white light, so that I couldn't see anything at all  
for a moment. Then I saw...no, it couldn't be! Could it? There was Motoki, in a black tuxedo and  
white carnation, looking uncharacteristically pleased with himself to be so dressed up. Damn, he  
put me to shame, he looked so sharp.

The tuxedo clad figure suddenly raised a hand in the air, and dropped a pair of white gloves,  
almost looking as if he were throwing down the gauntlet in challenge to the spectre bride. He  
spoke then: "My bride-your groom is here! It's time to go to your wedding ceremony-in hell!"

Riveted on "Sharp Dressed Motoki" as I was, it took me a while to realize that the two new  
"mannequins" hadn't moved from their place. So there were now, in fact, TWO Motokis, one of  
them still motionless, his hands on Makoto's cheeks, wearing the white shirt and dark pants he  
usually wore for his shift at the Crown Fruit Parlour.

The spectre looked startled at this invitation to an unholy wedding ceremony by the sharp dressed  
groom, but before she could recover from her surprise, I heard a different voice cry, "Moon Prism  
Power, make-up!" and the tuxedo clad figure disappeared, to be replaced by...Sailor Moon. Or  
should I call her, Tuxedo Moon? I shook my head in wonder. What stunt won't that girl pull next?

Sailor Moon stood with her legs wide apart in battle stance, her small hands curled into tight fists,  
her odangos flying, the picture of rage. "How DARE you assume the sacred from of a bride and  
use the whisperings of love for your evil deeds? I won't allow it! In the name of the moon I will  
punish you!"

There were two more flashes of light in quick succession, and I saw Sailor Moon was now flanked  
on either side, by Sailor Mars and Sailor Mercury.

"How dare you toy with these people," cried Sailor Mercury. "I will punish you! With the power  
of Mercury, I'll put the ICING on your wedding cake!"

"You're deceiving these girls," came the coldly angry voice of Sailor Mars. "With the power of  
Mars, I'll show you the flames of anger. With my red high heels, I will punish you!"

I saw Makoto shake her head as if to shake the cobwebs out, and heard her murmur, half-stunned,  
still, "Treat us like toys? I was being deceived? Then Motoki wasn't really in love with me... I was  
deceived..." Something fierce then settled deep into the green eyes of the tall girl, and I saw a  
greenish glow around her, very different from the spectre's luminescence.

A planetary sigil of Jupiter appeared on her forehead, then she rushed at the spectre bride,  
grabbing her in two strong hands, and lifting her over her head. "How dare you trample on the  
innocence of girls?" Makoto's angry voice seemed to echo for some distance as she hurled the  
bride mannequin to the ground, seemingly effortlessly.

Luna came running to Makoto at that moment with a crystal pen in her mouth, very similar to the  
one Sailor Moon had used. As soon as Makoto touched it, the greenish light became blindingly  
bright, and I saw that she, too, had become a Sailor Senshi, clad in emerald green and rose pink

As the mannequin touched the ground, there was a second's blink of light, then the spectre itself  
disappeared, leaving behind its bridal gown.

The sound of mocking laughter came from a distance. It was the Dark Kingdom General Nephrite,  
standing with his arms folded, gazing at us all. "Well done, Amazon woman! But you've only  
destroyed my shadow, not me! Incidentally, girls, wasn't I a lovely bride?" He laughed even harder  
at their startled faces.

Makoto alone wasn't fazed by this turn of events. Waving her hands at Nephrite, she shouted,  
"Flower Hurricane!"

A flurry of petals swept Nephrite into a vortex. "Stop! You're blinding me!" he cried.

"I call on the protection of Jupiter, " intoned the new Sailor Jupiter."I summon a thunderstorm.  
Bring lightning!" At her words, a bolt of lightning struck an antenna which had suddenly raised  
itself on her tiara. The lightning bolt shot at Nephrite, instantly electrocuting him. I watched in awe  
as Nephrite's charred body fell to the ground.

Jupiter fell to her knees then, her energy spent, and Sailor Moon rushed to embrace her. I saw a  
single tear fall from Makoto's eyes. "I really liked you, Motoki...and you just broke my heart."  
Usagi hugged her and whispered that Motoki didn't mean to hurt her, that he was under the spell  
of the Dark Kingdom, after all.

Motoki slowly pulled himself to his feet, dazed. "Where am I? What am I doing here?"

Makoto still looked weary and very sad. "Things are just as painful as at my old school. Guys, they  
always let me down... But maybe there are more important things for me than to fall in love right  
now. Maybe I'll just stay at this new school, and make friends here."

Rei patted her on the back and nodded encouragingly, "That's right. Don't waste your time, crying  
over boys."

"What you say makes sense, Rei," Makoto agreed solemnly. "And didn't you say that we are  
Sailor Soldiers, with a mission to accomplish? Then let's do it!"

"Meet our new ally, girls, Sailor Jupiter!" Luna announced.

There was a clunk as Luna dropped something on the ground at Sailor Moon's feet. It appeared to  
be a long rod with a crescent moon shape at its tip."Sailor Moon," Luna continued, "Now the four  
soldiers are together, and you are their leader. Now is the time to defend the Illusion Silver Crystal,  
and the Moon Princess."

The Moon Princess? That confused me. Surely Sailor Moon, Usagi with the flying odangos, was  
the Moon Princess? I looked at Luna and she stared right back at me, still obviously wary, and just  
as confused by my own actions this night. The girls were all gathering round Sailor Jupiter,  
chattering excitedly, and I took the opportunity to slip away into the night, watched only by Luna.

For the first time, I wished it weren't so easy for Tuxedo Kamen to slip away unnoticed. I wished  
a pair of sky blue eyes were still following me, but Usagi was far away in thought, gazing at her  
new moon rod and looking a bit overwhelmed by it all.

"When will there ever be a time for us?" I wondered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final note:  
> Sailor Moon, the manga and TV series are copyright of Naoko Takeuchi/Kodansha, TOEI Animation and its English language TV adaptation is copyright of DiC Entertainment. However, the title,"The Rose Garden" in relation to Sailor Moon, and the fan fiction of this title, is copyright of Pandora Diane MacMillan. BTW, Pandora IS my legal first name, I do NOT use a nickname. If you wish to quote from this fan fiction, use the title for a Sailor Moon-related web page, post the fanfic on your web site, or otherwise publish it, please first ask permission of the author. Please e-mail me at: pandora-sama at rogers dot com or: esmerodo at gmail dot com.
> 
> \--Pandora-sama-August 7, 2000
> 
> A Virtual Goddess, Setsuna of the Sailor Moon Net World, ageless and gorgeous, transported to  
> this time line, hence the -sama. Please bow very low as you leave.


	22. Chapter 10: A Locket And A Handkerchief: Part 5: The Locket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan: Mamoru's autobiography, my most popular fanfic [more manga than anime based]

~~~~((~~~((@ THE ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~

From the memoirs of Chiba Mamoru, as re-told to Pandora Diane MacMillan  
@))~~~))~~~~

"Mystery glows in the rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din Attar, 12th Century Persian poet.

 

CHAPTER 10: A Locket And A Handkerchief

Part 5: The Locket  
======((====((@

Well, we won, I thought to myself. And I somehow managed not to let Usagi hear Mamoru's voice. I should be feeling good, or at least, relieved, about that. But I don't. I don't ...

In fact, I felt suddenly very weary. It was like my legs wouldn't carry me any more. In the darkness of the night. and the brightness of the moon, I sat down at a picnic table at the edge of a nearby park. The voices of Sailors Moon, Mercury, Mars and Jupiter drifted away in the distance. Guess they are going home. When Sailor Moon transforms back to Usagi, and she finds herself in her pyjamas again, will she be embarrassed? No, not Usagi. Not impulsive, reckless, wonderful Usagi. Rei will probably tell her off, and so will the very prim and proper Luna cat. But Usagi won't listen to them. Well, she wouldn't be her, if she ever listened. Never change, Usagi, never change.

Damn. I can't stop thinking about her, even now. Why do I do this to myself? I felt more weary than ever. Why don't I go home then? But I felt, somehow, weak in the knees, and I stayed at the picnic table. I stared up at the glowing moon for a moment, and in my mind, I drifted off...to nowhere.

There seemed to be a white flash at the corner of my eye. I almost ignored it, too sunk in my own thoughts to even pay much attention. Then the white glowing light came slowly nearer to me, drifting oh so slowly across the park, seemingly not touching the ground. I still didn't care. I had room in my mind to care about one thing, and one thing only: Usagi.

At last, the glowing light was before me, and I saw a figure within it: a tall lady, all in white. She reminded me somehow of my dream princess, but she wasn't a young girl. She was a mature, ethereal, very beautiful lady, with dazzling white hair in two long odangos. And I could partially see through her, like she wasn't there at all!

She spoke. "This is yours, I think." And with that, she raised a long stick she was carrying aloft, and this little gold locket materialized out of thin air, and gently landed on the picnic table. TING! And the little locket settled on the picnic table in front of me.

"Oh no, ma'am," I protested. "This isn't mine. I never had anything like this."

She was still speaking. But her lips weren't moving at all. " I took this from you once. But only to be sure it wouldn't become lost." she said.

"No ma'am, you're mistaken. I didn't lose this." I was starting to wonder why she was so insistent about this locket being mine.

"And do you remember everything you've lost? Everything?" She looked at me with icy blue eyes, an intense gaze I could not avoid.

No, I thought, not everything. There is so much I don't remember, so many blanks in my head where my memories are supposed to be. And I fell silent.

"You still refuse to accept the locket?" the white lady asked. "Well, what if I were a member of your family, and I said, here, take this. Could you in honour refuse to take something offered to you by a member of your family?"

"Ma'am, I've never seen you before!" I cried. "You are kind to want to offer me this locket, but it's not mine, and you're not my family." She is mad, I thought. Beautiful, and utterly mad.

"I was *going* to become part of your family once," the white lady replied. Her ice blue eyes were very sad, and she seemed to look away into the distance at something I could not see. "Fine, you don't believe me. But, please, take this in the spirit it is offered to you. Carry it with you, it will help you find what you are seeking. I will NOT take it back. It is yours again, as it has always been." And with that, she turned on her heel, and drifted away, the edge of her white dress not seeming to touch the dew-covered grass as she floated back across the park. The locket looked up at me from the table, and its gold winked at me. I picked it up, and put it in the pocket of my tuxedo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am one of the old school fanfic writers from the late 1990's who specialized in telling Mamoru's memoirs from his POV, they are based both on the Sailor Moon manga and the anime. I try to stick to Naoko's original vision, so no alternate universe stuff in my fanfics. My old fans and new fans are still here, and I am fortunate enough that they still Favourite me and the stories every week. But the biggest group of fans, when I first uploaded to the Net were mostly in the time before story alerts and fanfiction.net, so it was all e-mails, but 100's of them, I stopped counting at 600 e-mails, no kidding :-) From everywhere in the U.S.A. and Canada, Mexico, the UK, Italy, Germany, Singapore, Malaysia, and even Guam. I love the girls in Singapore whose first language is Chinese and say I've improved their English, the Mexican Grade 5 teacher who uses my fics to teach English as a 2nd language. Spanish dubbed Sailor Moon is REALLY popular in Mexico. Then there's the 16 year old girl who took the trouble to translate some of my fics (this one and Usagi's Dark Day At The Dentist") into German. I had my high school German and I checked out her translation; she did it pretty well. This is THE most fun hobby in the world, writing fan fiction!


End file.
